How does your t approach your anxiety in sessions?

[MyWillow]

I like your idea of taking it up at your next session. I’m independent to the point of exhaustion and hate asking for or even receiving help. I remember trying to fight dissociation on my own and my T getting somewhat frustrated! Damn but I was pissed at her for that. But she is so balanced and I think has realised how hard it is for me. So I’m just working on accepting help when it’s offered.

 

[barefoot]

@MyWillow the thing about taking it up in session is that I’ll have to think of a good, neutral way to phrase it. I think that sometimes when I try to give some sort of feedback on sessions I can sound a bit critical - partly, I think, because I feel uncomfortable so I blurt things out quite bluntly - and my therapist then gets quite defensive. And then it becomes more about what’s going on in our dynamic rather than the actual issue that has come up in session :rolleyes:
I guess I am worried about me handling that conversation badly, her taking it badly and then us having a bit of a rupture. A therapeutic rupture is the last thing I need at the moment!

 

[MyWillow]

Oh totally @barefoot but your T should be able to handle your bluntness (as perceived by you) without getting defensive. That’s not your job to protect her feelings eh***

****Disclaimer: freaking love how wise and logical I can be when I’m giving advice to someone else ;)

 

[barefoot]

Yes, I know she should...but she does have a tendency to get defensive :rolleyes:

Ha! Yes...me too on your disclaimer :)

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Back to your original question. There was one day that my anxiety shot up really high. Normal grounding stuff didn’t work. I told her that I didn’t feel right. She said, would you like me to make you some tea? I started to say no, but changed my mind. So, amazingly there is this wooden box under her couch that I had never noticed before. She pulls it out and it has many choices of tea. She made me some camomile tea. That warm tea saved me. Just the gesture of her taking care of me along with the physical warmth of a calming type of tea was exactly what I needed so that I could safely leave.

 

[barefoot]

That’s so lovely @TexCat - what a kind gesture from your T!

My T once went to a coffee shop over the road to buy me a chocolate brownie when I was super anxious and severely dissociated. The sugar takes the edge of Adrenalin, apparently? I didn’t really process or appreciate it at the time as my head was so “gone” but afterwards - when my brain came back online - I was really touched by her care.

 

[barefoot]

So, I had a session yesterday. I started talking about how anxious I have felt this past week and how I had hoped that last week I would leave our session feeling less anxious but I felt worse. And how I guess I was looking for ideas about how I can get unusually high anxiety - where my normal things don’t work - under control.

And she really just validated and normalised the anxiety. She said I had approached it well and shown great determination and been brave to go through with the anxiety-making situation at the weekend. And that, now it had passed, my anxiety symptoms should settle over the next few days. Which is probably (hopefully!) true.

I have an irritating throat thing (anxiety-related) which is playing up a lot at the moment. At one point, that started kicking off during my session and I was trying hard to control it, which was making it worse and then I felt embarrassed etc etc. And I ended up getting myself in a bit of a state.

And then she asked me the question she hasn’t asked me in over a year - “What do you need?”

And then I dissociated!

Not a full-on, severe episode like I used to have there fairly regularly. But the worst “head going” situation I’ve had for many months.

I’m so pissed off with myself. I know that’s not helpful, but I am.
I don’t know what I need.
I can’t express what I need.
She invites me to tell her what I need and my head goes.

I think I am just so shit at therapy.

And Ithink it is a waste of time going when I feel this anxious. If I’m just going to sit there and get in a state, I may as well just stay at home and get in a state in private!

 

[MyWillow]

If you're shit at therapy then I'm a bloody train wreck :laugh:

Maybe expressing what you need or even being asked what you need makes you feel vulnerable...

 

[barefoot]

Maybe expressing what you need or even being asked what you need makes you feel vulnerable...

Yes, I think you are right. I think, when she asks me what I need, part of me kind of aches (in a good way!) because I feel moved that she has cared to ask. But there is also something about that, which I find so excruciating.

I just wish I had been able to say something useful.

 

[UnicornSightings]

There’s a reason they ask that. And it’s mainly because people have a hard time with it. Why do you think you should be perfect there? You’re in THERAPY!!! It’s specifically for people who have a tough time with things. Like that’s why it exists.

 

[barefoot]

I’m not sure why you’re speaking to me as though I’m stupid, @UnicornSightings

I know a lot of people have a hard time with it - I’m currently expressing my hard time with it.

I don’t think I need to be perfect there or anywhere else. At the moment, I feel like I’m being shit there. Mainly because my current high anxiety levels are just getting in the way of what I want to do and say. I would have liked to have contributed something more useful at that point when she asked me what I needed. I would have liked to been able to answer the question and to ask for some sort of help. Instead, I just got in state and couldn’t speak and my head started to go.

I’m not trying to be perfect. I’m trying to manage my anxiety so that I can make the most of my session time. And, yes, I would prefer to be somewhere further along the line on the shit-perfect spectrum.

I know I’m in THERAPY!!! I know therapy exists for people who have a tough time with things.

So...yeah...thanks...but not sure what you think you’re telling me here.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I’m not sure why you’re speaking to me as though I’m stupid, @UnicornSightings

Defensive much? I was trying to get you to see that you’re making yourself suffer over something that’s completely normal. But if you’re gonna get all defensive then no one can help you.