How Long Do You Isolate

[Wido]

but it also brings me down when I don't know how they are. I don't expect anyone to be up and bubbly all the time. When I care for someone I want them to know they can be themselves with me. They can be moody, sad whatever... tell me how they feel and not worry about bringing me down. I'd like to have the chance to at least say "when you're ready I'm still here".

A million times YES!!!!!

 

[Kiwe]

So if this person mentions it to you, does it "wake you up"? I mean, if that much time passes and they say something about it, do you suddenly realize how long it's been?

For me, its not about "waking me up" but rather reminding me, putting it back on my mind etc.

And yes, if Im reminded by anyone "hey have you spoken to X lately", or I get a text, email, facebook message etc from said person then it puts that person back in the forefront of my thoughts.

Think of it this way; I have so much to think about: therapy, any symptoms that Im dealing with at that time, how to take steps foward, doctors, medications, work and not getting fired, and any number of things, contacting someone that Ive isolated from, or really anyone, goes to the back of my thoughts and this other stuff to the forefront therefore im not realizing how long its been. If reminded then it comes back to the forefront.

is it like this with all close people? Is it the same with family; close siblings, friends and or romantic partners (if you even have those)? I guess I'm asking if it's different depending on the level and type of relationship and does it make a difference if the person/people know you have PTSD?

It depends. If im just not thinking of contacting a certian person then it makes no difference but if im isolating on purpose then it depends on that purpose. I could still simply not think of contacting them later due to said above reasons.

I dont know anyone else in real life with PTSD but for me, i think it would be easier being that they "get it" but also someone else with PTSD likely is going to also "get" why im isolating too.

I'd rather my sufferer tell me how they feel and not worry about bringing me down. I'd like to have the chance to at least say "when you're ready I'm still here".

Maybe, but thats not how it works in my head. With a partner (i currently dont have one and havent in many many years) I would want them to understand that i will push and pull, isolate and smoother, freak out then be appologic, and will take time to learn to communicate (and to trust enough to communicate) and with communication over time we can work out this stuff. And i suspect that the more they dont abandon me when i give them, some on purpose, every reason to leave, then the more i will feel safe and comfortable enough to communicate things with them. But straight out of the gate it isnt pretty and thats why a ton of us sufferers are single and personally ive given up hope in gaining a partner. :(

Anyway, sometimes we cant hear "when you are ready im here" or anything else just depending on the situation and circumstamces. Sometimes we are just 100% convinced that we will hurt you and that you just dont realize how horrible we are and you just dont realize we will indeed hurt you, that that statement to us reads "when you are ready im here until i see just how horrible of a person you are then i will run as fast as i can". Or at least thats what i hear if thats said to me.

 

[Wilejut]

"when you are ready im here until i see just how horrible of a person you are then i will run as fast as i can". Or at least thatswhat i hear if thats said to me."

Omg I'm so sorry that's what you hear.

 

[Iviv]

Omg I'm so sorry that's what you hear.

Its ok, not your fault. Just wanted to advise what my head fills into statements. I am convinced that you will leave until you show me you wont over time by simply not leaving, most especially during isolation times. But it takes a long time.

Sometimes i isolate as a "test" to see if you'll leave as if it happens more in the beginning it doesnt hurt as bad.

Most times when i push people away thats is the same reason.

And i have other "tests" i do, most very unconscience.

 

[Wagaki]

As a sufferer, let's say you've been very close to someone for many years and spoke several times a week, had a few ups and downs, but the supporter has gladly stuck around.

Then something happens - a misunderstanding and all the usual stress leads to isolation. After months of absolutely no contact (which has never ever happened before) from your side, your friend/supporter continues to contact you with an open heart and mind. Would that be a relief to know they're initiating contact and waiting patiently for you to come back around or would that be more stressful for you?

 

[Epawek]

Would that be a relief to know they're initiating contact and waiting patiently for you to come back around or would that be more stressful for you?

Honestly it depends on the person and situation. I know thats not the answer you are looking for but its the truth, you cant pin this down to how id react and apply that to your situation.

For me, it also depends on the sitatuion. If the person was bad for, not helping, my recovery id ignore them. If the person was fully supportive and it was better to have them in my life them yes, it would be a relief.

But you also have normally relationship stuff and if i felt smoothered then no, it would irritate me more. So it all just depends.

 

[Apu]

I've asked in the past if when he's not feeling good would he rather me leave him alone for a bit and he said no. What we've got going on here now is vastly different, but I can't help but think that the same rules must apply.

If I am irritating him now, I would think it would be easier for him (or he would just explode) to tell me to get lost rather than putting up with having to field my calls.

Very confusing situation. I'm not sure if I'm making things better or worse, but I can only work off the information that he has provided for me.

Thanks;)

 

[Hetijo]

I don't always want to act happy why should anyone else? I guess I'm just saying that as a supporter I'd rather my sufferer tell me how they feel and not worry about bringing me down.

Bringing others down is just one reason why people isolate.

Another protective one? How do you feel about being abused? Would you tolerate furniture smashed around you, holes punched in walls, being slammed against walls or floors wih an arm over your throat? Because that's what happens when some sufferers are overwhelmed and are lashing out. They're literally lashing out, and knowing they aren't controlling themselves right now, are removing themselves from the situation.

Another protective one, more fear based than rage based? Same question. How do you feel about being abused? Screamed at, treated like an assailant, threats, being pushed out of the way, locked out of rooms and houses on a moments notice? Treated like a POS? Emotional blackmail, suicide threats, extreme paranoia? Because some sufferers go here, as well.

Being unable to control yourself, having the self control of a toddler, is a dangerous thing when it's in a grown ups body.

When it's a self control issue? Isolating MAY end the relationship, but keeping someone nearby? Almost certainly will. And for very good reason. Most of us aren't stupid. We don't believe that the people who love us should ever be abused, much less tolerate being abused, just because we're in a dark place.

And those are -really- just 2 of many many many reasons sufferers isolate. Sometimes loss of control is merely being a snarky asshole, or 12 kinds of jumpy. There is no danger whatsoever to anyone nearby us. But that still doesn't mean that they deserve to be treated like that. And isolating? Is the single best way to show respect for someone. Yeah, most people don't like it, but they'd also like the reality of being the target of someone else's fear, rage, stress cup overflow even less.

 

[Okuhu]

I guess I'm not the best person to ask. I grew up in an abusive home. I don't have PTSD but I grew up around a lot of what Hetijo described.