Hello. This is my first post and I'm not sure how to start it, so I'll just dive in. My boyfriend of several years is also my best friend and counselor, we tell each other everything. We trust each other completely. The only problem is that he lives on the other side of the country, and has to fly all that way so we can be together. He knows I have problems, but he doesn't know the extent of them. We're planning on him visiting me soon and he's going to see me, the broken me, in ways he never has before. He's never had to deal with me having a panic attack or any kind of episode. I some times scare myself with how upset I get. I kind of lose control of myself, and I say things and do things I don't mean. I'm not going to hurt him or anything, I'm just scared it will make him not love me anymore.
To be honest, it's kind of an irrational fear because we've talked about it and he says he doesn't care, that he'll still love and be here for me and everything. I just don't feel like he's ready to deal with what I have I guess. He's never experienced anything negatively life changing, and he doesn't understand my depression stuff. He doesn't understand what it does to me or what I go through. I know it hurts him to see me so sad, and I feel like I'm going to scare him away. I trust him to not give up on me or run away, but I'm still nervous about it.
To be honest, it's kind of an irrational fear because we've talked about it and he says he doesn't care, that he'll still love and be here for me and everything. I just don't feel like he's ready to deal with what I have I guess. He's never experienced anything negatively life changing, and he doesn't understand my depression stuff. He doesn't understand what it does to me or what I go through. I know it hurts him to see me so sad, and I feel like I'm going to scare him away. I trust him to not give up on me or run away, but I'm still nervous about it.