How To Become Un-lonely?

[Ice]

I don't know how to make friends, and I really really need some - real ones, not online. I am an incest survivor and can't work at the moment. How do I get out of this lonely empty pit?

 

[Puni]

Personally, I would say that being alone and being lonely are two wildly different things.

I'm my best around other people. Mental & emotional thing. I'm just a much f*ckin better person. On top of that, I need, crave, fierce contact with other people. Huge physical piece to it. That said? I'm usually alone -at present- but rarely lonely. ((The inverse has been true, too... Lonely as hell, in a dang sea of people.)) For me, lonely isn't about who I've got in my life. Or not. It's about my own head & heart.

Also for myself, I do stupid shit when I'm lonely. Hang around people I shouldn't, or at least definitely wouldn't, if I weren't lonely. That's all different kinds of bad juju. Walked that particular road down to stone. Desperation? Nah. Not a place I want to be. Not for the results I need/want in my life.

So when I take those 2 pieces together? First step to solving lonely isn't adding people to my life. It's about getting good with myself in my life. Then adding people. When I can do so on a huge smile & grateful for when shit works out, instead of bawl or rage in disappointed ickiness when shit doesn't work out.

At that stage? The article on the homepage, about how to go about breaking out of isolation, is pretty much where I start.

 

[Apiwe]

Find somewhere to volunteer. You get to choose how much time you feel able to give. Choose something you believe in or are interested in and you also get a free conversation starter.

Look at doing some kind of class. Minimum hours of input, but again you have a free starter thing in common.

 

[Lupo]

I'm in the same situation as the op, wondering if anyone has further advice. It's so lonely I consider going back to my abusive family..

 

[Oduz]

You could do a lot of things: volunteer, hang out with family you trust (if they're near you), go to group therapy sessions for incest survivors (Because they understand you and can relate to them easily), you could get a pet OR volunteer/work as a dog walker or pet sitter, since it's mainly about the animals (with some adult interaction).

 

[Sarehi]

So, this might be a bit, um, sappy. But I really like the video of Tanya Davis' poem "How To Be Alone" (as my grandmother says, "it's on the youtube.")

Personally, I find helping others, even in small ways, to be the way out. Figuring out how to do that in specific situations will usually keep a body pert nigh busy, as folks say 'round this way.

Good luck, OP and other person asking for advice; I hope things go well for you both.