How to cope with and stop dissociative amnesia

[Justmehere]

My dissociative symptoms are super high. I’m not sure why. There are only 4 other times in my life (that I can recall right now) that I have gotten to the point of losing time and having amnesia. For 3 of the 4 times, actual trauma was happening. The other time was while in a PTSD intensive inpatient program and I was processing that trauma.

I’ve been around the block a few times with PTSD and treatment… I’ve got tools in spades to manage many symptom flares, but I’m grasping at straws for this one. It’s been about 6 weeks of this. I’m on low dose naltrexone to try to reduce it. I’m using a lot of grounding skills, but they are not bringing me out of the fog for long.

I’m doing things I don’t remember doing. Emailing people, buying things, etc. Nothing out of the ordinary, and friends have no idea anything is off. They say I seem normal. So that’s good… Sometimes I come out of the fog and everything comes back to me, so that's good.

I’m using a bunch of things to keep track of what I’m doing… but I especially need the time gaps to stop.

Suggestions? (Other than get treatment. I’m working on that and it will take considerable time.)

 

[Sideways]

but I especially need the time gaps to stop.

There have been times for me where my life has been super stressful, and the dissociation only started fo ease when those stressors eased. I journalled like a person possessed so that I at least had a reliable account of what happened, because nothing else worked.

I think perhaps the situation you’re in sorting out a new therapy team may be part of the cause. It’s super stressful.

I remember the last short period where I was between treatment teams, not knowing if I was ever going to find the right support and get back on track, or if going it alone was my new normal. I was crazy stressed out, and have zero memory of that period except for a couple of moments where I remember crying uncontrollably, and the moment I had a new trauma psychiatrist offer to take me on as her patient. Basically no memory of that period at all, and all I have is the journal entries.

So, perhaps when these issues start to get sorted out and life goes back to a degree of normality it will sort itself ot on its own?

 

[Ronin]

Do you know what preceeds the dissociation, like have any tells you might get more out of it than you would like, JMH?

You could also delete contacts of people you absolutely do not want to risk emailing, set new limits on the accounts and daily/weekly spendings, password protect accounts that you do not have to already so you have to stop and think prior using them (if that is what would take to a wake up), things like that, make things as few automatic and usual routines / fittable within usual routines, as possible. Things that make you not go on automaton and just do them as you have many times.

Do the meds help or cause more issues?

 

[Abstract]

For me it is usually two things; intense emotional state phases and triggering events. And I have found tricky therapy situations to fit into those. There are a few things things that seem to hook me in in a way that is more intense than I anticipate. Things I have done as I have become more aware are obsessively diarise all the time. Not just events but emotional states. Keep looking at how I felt why etc. Write down things if I find evidence of them and don't remember them happening. Guess how I felt at the time. Mindfulness and constantly check in on how I am feeling. Essentually tring to turn the "remove myself" switch over to a "being present" one. Grounding sensory stuff such pepermint oil etc. Set my phone alarm for absolutely everything. When like this I can't run a bath of water without it ending in disaster so I will set multiple alarms ahead of doing things. Then a certain amount of radical acceptance too.

Maybe you can give yourself a little compassion that you are in a state that has resulting in this. You have all the therapy stuff and were trying to deal with a trauma, opening it up.

 

[Justmehere]

These are good ideas! Thanks. I also feel a little less scared. I do not like being out of control. This feels very awful.

There have been times for me where my life has been super stressful, and the dissociation only started fo ease when those stressors eased.

Ah, the stress cup. Mine is overrunning.

So, perhaps when these issues start to get sorted out and life goes back to a degree of normality it will sort itself ot on its own?

It might be awhile until that happens. Maybe it is the switch in treatment / no real treatment.

Do you know what preceeds the dissociation, like have any tells you might get more out of it than you would like, JMH?

I’ve been writing through the fog being triggered, and I can’t find the patterns. Not a clue. But I need more alarms. I keep burning stuff. Lol.

Not just events but emotional states.

I didn’t think of that! Hmmm. Good clue. I like the idea of turning on the “being present.”

 

[Ronin]

I do not like being out of control. This feels very awful.

Yeah, but you are not out of control even remotest :)

Last I checked, you were addressing (very dead on, and very coherently) the mess other people are doing in your life. Quite in control.

And yeah, I can see it would feel so hard and awful.

I need more alarms. I keep burning stuff. Lol.

That, or maybe switch to something that does not have that long preparation time, or that can be just microwaveable or the like?

(No idea how you are right now also with the weather and supplies so do not want to assume on that round, if even technically possible.)

 

[Abstract]

@Justmehere
For the longest time being in that mode was something that just was and didn't bother me as a result. So much that I did I had no recollection doing and no control of awareness. My life bothered me but I didn't have the awareness to separate the what and the why. But now this mode does bother me and I too find the experience feels out of control, You have masses of understanding and skills though and lets hope the intensity of this all may settle a bit for you and that may help. A good dollop of radical acceptance combined with masses of awareness related stuff and life management stuff tends to be the best I can do. You are doing one step at a time and that should get you to where you want to head.

 

[Nessa7]

I've been struggling with this lately. When I'm having this problem, I keep a notebook next to me at all times. I start each week with a page of stuff that I'm going to need to remember in the future beyond the week. I designate a space for each day and fill in whatever I can. The day before, I'll fill in everything that I need to do and anything that I want to do. I'll check it throughout the day to see what I should be doing and to write down whatever I've been doing. Even if it doesn't seem important, it might be something that can be used as a landmark to keep track of time. Looking at my notebook for the last week and a half, a lot of my landmarks are things that seem obvious like appointments and events, but some other ones that worked for me were finishing a book on Sunday and painting my nails on Tuesday.

 

[Justmehere]

Thanks for all the ideas and suggestions. I think I need checklists.

I'm beginning to repeat things less. I'm doing a lot while totally checked out, and everyone says I seem fine.

I think this is treatment triggered. I also realized that a family situation (not shared online) could be driving all of this as well. I'm trying to unhook from all of that, and find solid ground outside of it all. My faith could be that solid ground for me, and it's not attached to any one place or person or anything... but it's hard when my head goes a dissociated foggy state of derealization, where my existence and life itself no longer feels real. It slides into the mother of existential crises.

I also keep finding moments of feeling really foggy and small. I quickly find some kind of adulting task, and that brings me out of the small feeling. But it's really unnerving.

Thanks for helping me walk through this fog.