barefoot
MyPTSD Pro
I feel a bit silly posting this, but I'm a bit stuck so would appreciate anyone's thoughts.
Last session, my therapist referred to my dad as 'an abuser'. It took me by surprise, to the point where I don't think I even really processed it at the time. But since the session, I have been mulling it over.
My first thought, considering it after the session, was that I must have misled my therapist by making my dad sound much worse than he is. I felt bad that I had made her think such a thing about him. It has never crossed my mind to think of him in those terms. I told my wife what my therapist had said and she pulled a face and seemed to dismiss the idea (of my dad being an abuser) – but I'm also not sure whether she thought that was the 'right' thing to say and what I would want to hear?
So, it feels weird and off to me to apply that label to my dad.
That said, if a friend were to tell me about their parent/partner and list the behaviours that my Dad often engages in, I might well think that they were emotionally abusive behaviours.
I often find my dad quite difficult and stressful to be around. He's not very warm, he lacks emotional intelligence/empathy, he's quite controlling, he's quite judgemental and critical...
But then, so are a lot of people, I guess?! At least some of the time.
So, how do you determine whether someone is abusive/an abuser or whether they are just...well, not the nicest of people?!
I really want to say – I'm not trying to belittle anyone's experiences here. I'm not meaning this to be a glib question or to dismiss anyone else's experience with someone emotionally abusive as 'well, it's not abusive...they're just not very nice...' I'm really not meaning that at all and hope it doesn't land that way for anyone. I'm really just trying to make sense of my own situation and family dynamics.
My wife asked me whether it's helpful to put a label on it. I said, in a way, yes. If I do accept that his behaviour is abusive, I think that will help with boundary setting. That I will not feel bad/guilty about setting boundaries around time with him etc.
On the other hand, I don't want to accept this, just because my therapist has said it, if my dad doesn't actually deserve it.
It's not really about the label as such...it's not that I'm desperate to call my dad something (or not) Just feeling my way, trying to sense make really...
Any thoughts??
Last session, my therapist referred to my dad as 'an abuser'. It took me by surprise, to the point where I don't think I even really processed it at the time. But since the session, I have been mulling it over.
My first thought, considering it after the session, was that I must have misled my therapist by making my dad sound much worse than he is. I felt bad that I had made her think such a thing about him. It has never crossed my mind to think of him in those terms. I told my wife what my therapist had said and she pulled a face and seemed to dismiss the idea (of my dad being an abuser) – but I'm also not sure whether she thought that was the 'right' thing to say and what I would want to hear?
So, it feels weird and off to me to apply that label to my dad.
That said, if a friend were to tell me about their parent/partner and list the behaviours that my Dad often engages in, I might well think that they were emotionally abusive behaviours.
I often find my dad quite difficult and stressful to be around. He's not very warm, he lacks emotional intelligence/empathy, he's quite controlling, he's quite judgemental and critical...
But then, so are a lot of people, I guess?! At least some of the time.
So, how do you determine whether someone is abusive/an abuser or whether they are just...well, not the nicest of people?!
I really want to say – I'm not trying to belittle anyone's experiences here. I'm not meaning this to be a glib question or to dismiss anyone else's experience with someone emotionally abusive as 'well, it's not abusive...they're just not very nice...' I'm really not meaning that at all and hope it doesn't land that way for anyone. I'm really just trying to make sense of my own situation and family dynamics.
My wife asked me whether it's helpful to put a label on it. I said, in a way, yes. If I do accept that his behaviour is abusive, I think that will help with boundary setting. That I will not feel bad/guilty about setting boundaries around time with him etc.
On the other hand, I don't want to accept this, just because my therapist has said it, if my dad doesn't actually deserve it.
It's not really about the label as such...it's not that I'm desperate to call my dad something (or not) Just feeling my way, trying to sense make really...
Any thoughts??