There's a psych principle called Cohort Effect... Basically it means that people start doing things, not because it's right for them, but because everyone else is doing it.
Doesn't matter whether you're in Utah & "everyone" is getting married at 20, or Seattle and no one even thinks about serious dating (much less marriage) until 30... If you're outside your cohort group? It's uncomfortable.
Add in that it's your lifelong dream? Yeah, hon. That you aren't already married to some asshole? "Just" to be married / starting a family... And the first bloke who came along, regardless of how right/wrong for you he is? Testament to your strength. :) That this is something you take seriously. That you want done right, and not just done. That when you do get married it will be to someone who is a real partner to you, who will be a good dad to your kids, who is a person you really want to spend your life with. Not just a warm body to fill a role in a dream (badly), or someone you would never even have dated in the first place, except that all your friends were dating (so you needed to), and then your friends started getting married (so you needed to).
***
I am sitting here right now, listening to people I love talking shit about me in the other room. Some of it is on purpose (they're literally talking shit about me and my life), and some of it is on accident (they think they're talking about "other" people, because they don't know I'm exactly like "those" people). It hurts. Usually I DGAF. Right now I'm all sensitive & shit. The things I want? I don't think I'll ever have. All their nonsense is doing is feeding my own self loathing.
How I'm conquering it tonight? I'm leaving. I hate myself enough, thanks. Don't need anyone else piling on. I am going to go do something deliciously fun, and they can bite me.
How do I conquer it long term? They don't live my life. I do. My life is mine.
When I care about what other people are doing (especially when I want to be doing what they are), or when I care about what other people are saying (especially when I don't want to be what they're saying)... I have to work on my own integrity. My integrity sucks right now. I am porous as f*ck. What other people are doing and saying is gutting me. So I need to distance myself, until I'm sure enough in myself... To be happy for them, without being sad for me... And to be amused -at worst- at their natter, instead of taking nonsense to heart.
