General How To Help Combat PTSD Sufferer

[michelle1111]

I've joined the forum as I've recently started helping out someone in the village with combat PTSD. (laundry, shopping, taxi-ing around etc)

I really want to help him, it seems that apart from his elderly mum he doesnt seem to have anyone, he does have sisters, neices and nephews but for unclear reasons there is no contact there.

I am understanding the anxiety side of things, i.e. if my mobile is switched off he'll leave me 20+ messages, each one getting more stressed that I no longer want to help him.

How can I re-assure him, he bursts into tears when he sees me saying that he thought I'd upset him and that he didnt think I was coming back.

I am not a saint, I find it hard to deal with his neediness sometimes.

does anyone have any advice? I bought him a book An operators manual for PTSD which he said was brilliant, he asked me to choose him another one so I got To Iraq and Back, which triggered something because the next time I saw him both books were in the bin and he refused anymore literature.

Many thanks
Michelle

 

[Nonie]

Hi Michelle,

Since he's a combat vet, i'd assume the book about To Iraq and Back triggered him because of things he saw/did in Iraq too. The first book is a manual on ptsd itself, right? That must have helped him understand what he's going through, but the second book triggered him, and he may feel discouraged. Being reminded of things he saw and did is what he's trying to forget, or not acknowledge. It is expected.

I don't know what advice to give you as far as him contacting you a lot when the anxiety is high, etc. For me it's quite the opposite. My ex is a combat vet, and he doesn't speak to me, well seldom. I can imagine it being tiring that he depends on you a lot.

I hope you find the help you need here, everyone is quite helpful.

 

[desperate]

Hey Michelle -
I'm in the same boat as you - but trying to help my husband. And While I don't know that I can offer much help, I can at least sympathize. Sometimes I feel like he has about five personalities. He's totally indifferent to everything and pushing me as far away as possible, then he's angry at the world and trying to hurt me, then he's the nicest guy in the world but still doesn't want to talk about his/our issues. Every once in a great while, I get a small glimmer of the man he used to be, and he may tell me a little of what is bothering him. But it's very rare.
I'm not an expert (I'm here because I'm pretty frustrated myself) but I've found that sometimes it's best to just give them some space. Give him a day or so, and call to see how he's doing or if he needs anything. Other than that, it's usually a futile effort. In my husband's case, I do get the impression that he (sometimes) appreciates the effort, even if he doesn't know how to say it. I assume the same is true for your friend.
Good luck!

 

[michelle1111]

yes the multiple personalities is him down to a T.
If I was married to him then I would be more understanding.
Anyway, since the last thread we've decided that its best if we part services. I feel quite sad as I wanted to help him, but also relieved that I have my week to myself and don't have to panic about seeing all the voicemails on my phone (selfish it might sound).

This forum seems great, it must be so hard for partners, I don't know if I could cope as I suffer from PMT so it could be a lethal mix!

Thanks for the info, I'm not sure how this will all end up.

Michelle