How To Throw A Tantrum

[Lost Soldier]

Well I got mad and threw a tantrum today, because my buddy from the desert called and my phone was not working.

Normally people would of dealt with this okay, but not me. I threw my phone down and yelled at my wife. Yes, it was her fault, NOT. How aggravating that I cannot control my emotions. Years of no problems in law enforcement and now I get mad over a missed call. This is strait pathetic. Yelling at my wife and telling my daughter not to talk to me, because I am mad. Now that deserves a medal for husband and father of the year.

I don't know how long I can live like this. It is really pissing me off.

I told myself I would not check out, but sometimes it is so hard. How cannot it not be, when you act like an asshole most of the time. Who freaking cares about PTSD. I can't keep using this damn excuse for my anger, being a bad father, or just forgetting everything.

I was not born this way and now my wiring is all f*cked up. I feel like I am in a pool of darkness and it is swallowing me up, bit by bit.

My rant is over. Just angry right now.

 

[Fargo1]

Lost,

You're right, that is not proper behavior for a typical person. But don't beat yourself up about it. Right now your stress cup is clearly overflowing. When it is doing that, you will do unpredictable things...

That shit is in the past. You did it. Now you have to deal with the fallout and make amends. A good therapist will teach you grounding techniques that will allow you to deal with these things better. Also, in your introduction you mentioned that you took yourself off of the drugs. I have to ask you, did they help? If so, you need to get back on them. If not, you need to find the right drug(s) to help bring down your symptoms... But bottom line, you have to get into some kind of therapy. IMHO it is the only way.

Hang tough brother

 

[reddevil1111]

Good words of advice Fargo. I can only add you cant allow yourself to get mad at those closest to you. Being alone with PTSD is just as bad as you think it gets. Not easy you say? Well your right but nothing in life is. You have to decide to make the changes.

 

[Jimmy1]

Well I got mad and threw a tantrum today, because my buddy from the desert called and my phone was not working.

Normally people would of dealt with this okay, but not me. I threw my phone down and yelled at my wife. Yes, it was her fault, NOT. How aggravating that I cannot control my emotions. Years of no problems in law enforcement and now I get mad over a missed call. This is strait pathetic. Yelling at my wife and telling my daughter not to talk to me, because I am mad. Now that deserves a medal for husband and father of the year.

I don't know how long I can live like this. It is really pissing me off.

I told myself I would not check out, but sometimes it is so hard. How cannot it not be, when you act like an asshole most of the time. Who freaking cares about PTSD. I can't keep using this damn excuse for my anger, being a bad father, or just forgetting everything.

I was not born this way and now my wiring is all f*cked up. I feel like I am in a pool of darkness and it is swallowing me up, bit by bit.

My rant is over. Just angry right now.

Hey Lost, your rant seems very familiar. If you ask nearly every single one of the members of this forum they will tell you they have felt the same way you are.

You can do something about all of this. I will echo what Fargo said about the medication. I know you took yourself off the meds because they put on weight and you did not want them discharging you for it. Well do extra PT if you are capable.
Just think about it, if you take the meds and get the help, you will not be so hard on yourself as a father and a husband. I am speaking from experience here.

Think of PTSD like Asthma or Diabetes, some people have to be on medication the rest of their lives and others don't. Not all medication puts on weight either, research the meds they put you on, ask guys on here, there is always new ones out.

I left my run too late and the damage was done. My wife left for another bloke and some of my kids don't even talk to me.
Luckily I have married again and Margaret does everything she can to understand PTSD and has accepted me for me. I am trying to repair those bridges I burned, bit by bit, but I will get there.

I will be blunt here mate. It's all well an good to stay in the military and not have a few extra pounds on, but what is it going to cost you??

 

[BaMuoiBa]

Lost - chill!

The "Beast" won this set for sure - only you will suffer the fall out. I've been sober in AA for over 23 years and for the first 20 I was doing great but still explosive at any point even without the booze. We have an expression "the whole world can come crashing down around my ass and I'll handle it just fine - but a f*cking broken shoelace - can and will send me over the edge"

Do what ever you have to control the "Beast", group, one-on-one or meds whatever. Misery is optional - your a warrior do what your trained to do, fight back, get some help. We'll cover your back here.

Ba

 

[Spock]

We have an expression "the whole world can come crashing down around my ass and I'll handle it just fine - but a f*cking broken shoelace - can and will send me over the edge"

Thanks Ba, will use that ~ great quote, it always seems to be something that should be minor that lights the fuse?!

 

[5line]

if i had a dollar for every iphone ive turned into a projectile.......id have 5 bucks.