Hugged my therapist...and now not sure it was ok.

[scarlett]

I will start by saying that I have never hugged my therapist.

But, I had a rough session this week. Like really really rough. Trauma stuff and lots of it. I shut down, ended up crying inconsolably, and after all of that embarrassment, I eventually come back around to being able to calm myself before the end of the session. I was still emotionally raw when I was leaving, but was much better than when I arrived. It was an intense session for sure. T stood up to walk me to the door and as she put her hand lightly on my back (which she sometimes does as a caring gesture when I'm walking out the door), I just kind of leaned into her to hug her - like a full on bear hug. I didn't plan it, didn't ask if it was ok, nothing. It was just an automatic type of movement. She accepted the hug and didn't push me away or anything. In fact, when I initially released my grasp, I felt her hold on a second more before the hug ended. So it felt good and it felt healing.

But I feel that this is something I should have clarified with her before just embracing her. We have never talked about hugs and have never broached the topic of touch in any way. In fact, I previously had the sense that she was not a hugging T. Yet she let me hug her. I feel like I may have crossed a boundary and she is too nice to say anything about it? Or maybe because I was in so much emotional pain at the time, she saw it as the human thing to do?

I don't know how I feel about it. I never thought about hugging her or needing a hug from her. I just assumed it would never happen. And then it happened. I don't know if we should talk about it or act like it never happened. If we have to talk about it I'm sure I'll just cover myself up with my coat so I don't have to deal with it. I'll act like a turtle and go back into my hard turtle shell.

 

[Friday]

It’s okay to have a human moment, unscripted.

 

[scarlett]

Thank you. I'm overthinking it. It was a simple, human thing.

 

[Abstract]

Agreed. Just take the healing and leave it to her to discuss if there is need to discuss more. Which I doubt. It sounds like you wanted comfort in the moment and she happily gave it.

 

[blackemerald1]

had a rough session this week. Like really really rough. Trauma stuff and lots of it. I shut down, ended up crying inconsolably, and after

^^She helped you through this.

I'm sure she will see it as a instinctive thing and it sounds like it was.

Leave it and don't worry about it. She will mention it if she feels it is necessary.

You have not done something terribly wrong or damaging.

 

[scarlett]

Thank you everyone. I don't feel as bad about it anymore thanks to your responses. Still kind of wondering where it came from or why I did it without asking, but I'm gonna go with it was a genuine human to human moment and stop overthinking it.

 

[hithere]

one more response to say, of course she accepted the hug and held a little bit more to let you know that she knows you had a hard session (and that you will get through it to the other side)

 

[Skywatcher]

My therapist touched my back once and I had major fear issues with it. At some point we will work on touch, but she said we would start with a handshake. And just the thought of that terrifies me. And I love her so much. My younger self wishes to curl up on her couch with my head on her lap or have a hug.

I am so glad you were able to do a hug and that you weren’t rejected. I have researched this and there is a whole group of T’s that believe in touch for healing and another group that doesn’t. I believe she is okay with it, as is my T, if only I could handle it. ??‍

 

[mamachick]

I agree with others and it is fine. I would not over think. That happens a lot.

 

[scarlett]

My therapist touched my back once and I had major fear issues with it. At some point we will work on touch, but she said we would start with a handshake. And just the thought of that terrifies me. And I love her so much. My younger self wishes to curl up on her couch with my head on her lap or have a hug.

I am so glad you were able to do a hug and that you weren’t rejected. I have researched this and there is a whole group of T’s that believe in touch for healing and another group that doesn’t. I believe she is okay with it, as is my T, if only I could handle it. ??‍

I hope that you are able to get what you need from your T when the time is right for you. And I think it's great that you already know she is open and available to touch when the time is right. I read so much about T's that reject any form of touch, and to me, that just sounds incredibly sterile (even tho I know they are trained not to touch due to ethics, etc). I don't believe that my particular T is one of those that believes in touch for healing, however, as she seems like she would never hug a client. In this instance tho, she did, and I'm glad she did because I would have felt horribly messed up if she had pulled away from the hug or stopped me from hugging her.

 

[grit]

Some of the stuff that got us PTSD is putting things under the rug. This is noticed by you or you are bothered by it but playing safe.

You do not have to. This is therapy is for these kind of feelings. Bring it up even if it is nothing. because obviously you notice this.

I had my therapist who at the end of one session moved the right way (usually he goes on the left to open the door or wait for me to open the door and leave). the hair of my back stood up.

i went into tailspin for a full week. I could not figure it out what happened but I went into full splitting on him.
I had such a dark experience for a full week until my next session which I just blew up at him.

I learned after that I must have been under deep transference on that day and he suddenly moving a new side threw me off and created such a deep visceral emotional reaction in me. I also learned I need 5 to 10 min of cooling before session is over so I can ride my bike safely because my legs get heavy like I am trapped.

My point is this his movement touched a wound because I am a child of physical abuse. My breakthrough was the realization I split on him like I probably split on my mother for sure. The two experience were so similar except one I was too young to make a sense and this one, I could work through it.

It showed me every thing that happens in therapy is important. Sometimes you may not realize and sometimes it may not mean much to the therapist but if you are typing it here. it has a meaning for you. Please bring it up so you can squeeze the message this has for you and your healing journey.

 

[scarlett]

Some of the stuff that got us PTSD is putting things under the rug. This is noticed by you or you are bothered by it but playing safe.

You do not have to. This is therapy is for these kind of feelings. Bring it up even if it is nothing. because obviously you notice this.

I had my therapist who at the end of one session moved the right way (usually he goes on the left to open the door or wait for me to open the door and leave). the hair of my back stood up.

i went into tailspin for a full week. I could not figure it out what happened but I went into full splitting on him.
I had such a dark experience for a full week until my next session which I just blew up at him.

I learned after that I must have been under deep transference on that day and he suddenly moving a new side threw me off and created such a deep visceral emotional reaction in me. I also learned I need 5 to 10 min of cooling before session is over so I can ride my bike safely because my legs get heavy like I am trapped.

My point is this his movement touched a wound because I am a child of physical abuse. My breakthrough was the realization I split on him like I probably split on my mother for sure. The two experience were so similar except one I was too young to make a sense and this one, I could work through it.

It showed me every thing that happens in therapy is important. Sometimes you may not realize and sometimes it may not mean much to the therapist but if you are typing it here. it has a meaning for you. Please bring it up so you can squeeze the message this has for you and your healing journey.

Thank you for this reply. And you are right, it was a HUGE deal to me, even as I think about it a week later. It was different and any difference in the way that therapy is handled can be a trigger to me. This was hugely different in the way that I expected it to go, both from my end and from her end. For myself, I feel it means I find her safe - and I DON'T FIND PEOPLE SAFE - so of course this is a shift for me. It's been on my mind all week - almost non-stop. Keep going back to that moment, feeling intensely ashamed, but also relieved that it was handled well on her end. Thanks again for your input - it makes sense.