Hurdle in Recovery - Verbal & Physical Abuse

[Kahlo]

My ptsd stems from ongoing verbal bullying and two physical bashings experienced in my youth. I did not seek professional help until my late twenties, and am only just starting to accept my disorder. I've been battling agoraphobia for some years now as well and at the start of this month began to make small steps towards merging back into society. I recently started a short course to add to my routine. My teacher has a very aloof, non-caring and overly relaxed teaching style. She also seems constantly preoocupied, spending a lot of time playing with her well manicured finger nails instead of offering us students adequate direction and support. When we make mistakes she is quick to laugh at our expense and say "dear me" but not offer guidance. When you ask for help, you almost wish you didn't because she doesn't seem too passionate about teaching and will tend to belittle your efforts. The past few classes have got me down. I feel like this teacher is picking on me. Maybe I'm just too fragile, but my instinct tells me otherwise. When I do something wrong she openly draws attention to this. In front of the class she announces across the room "again? you can't get anything right today, can you?", "not again, how did you make that mistake", "don't bother continuing just pack up and try again next week" etc etc. I know that she belittles the other students but is not loud about it, I don't know why she is different with me...often us students are making the same mistakes...Bullying is a huge trigger for me. Being singled out and mocked brings back old memories and sets my progress back. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can overcome feeling so low when this happens and stay positive about attending these classes? Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I don't do well with people like her and I will often tell them just how it is. If someone belittles me or screams at me, usually I will just tell them to **** off, but lately I am trying to keep my cool and tell them that their behavior is not acceptable and I will not be spoken to that way. Actually this happened to me yesterday with one of my employers. She apologized later.

Unless you can find courage to speak up to her, I am afraid that this course is going to have a negative effect on you and cause you more hurt that good.

 

[TLight]

Hi Kahlo;
Welcome to the forum.

Bullying is one of my triggers too. In the past, so many times, I've just taken it.........because I'm so used to being treated that way. No, I'm able to stand up, but it still takes a day or so until I can confront. Then when I do, I'm all shaky and tearful.

I think that because we have been victims of abuse, the perpetrators or anyone with disrespect or evil in their hearts can sense us. Nothing to do with that being our fault, but for some reason, we are left with the scars and have to continue to deal with the BS.
I had two male bosses in a row that treated me like this. Humiliating me in front of others, etc. At that point, it built up until it was like the last straw and I broke, flying into a full rage at the 2nd one. I knew I was quitting anyway. I just won't work for people like that anymore.

I suggest you use this as an experiment in calling her on her BS. Get firm, don't let it happen again. Unfortunately, once we let these people get away with it the first time, they seem to escalate. Now you have to really firmly get on her case.

It will be stressful though...........but, even though we've already gone through so much and have to deal with PTSD.........now we get to deal with the bullies over and over again in everyday life.
Good luck.

 

[midi]

the perpetrators or anyone with disrespect or evil in their hearts can sense us.

I agree. It's like they zero in on a wounded animal, fresh for another killing.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear kahlo,

-Remember, you are a "consumer"- probably I am guessing paying to attend this course and you have a right to have a (mutually) respectful environment to learn in.
-Could there possibly be a way that you and others, together- ideally, could approach a third person (that way you have a "witness" and you're not :wall: ) to discuss how this is making you feel and how it is interfering with your opportunity/ability to learn and enjoy this class? (You wouldn't have to say anything about ptsd- that is not acceptable behaviour "professionally" by the sound of it on that teacher's part).

(Professionally I come across that a lot and we are directed to indicate that we find the behaviour/comment etc. "offensive". )
-(Also, I try to think to myself to shake off the feelings- that is THEIR problem that they are that miserable and belittling, and thank God I don't have to live or work with them 24 hours a day!!)

Take care, best wishes to you.

 

[jaredmo]

In situations like this I always wind up second guessing myself, and think that its in my head. Over blaming my ptsd?

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I remember having a situation a little like this one. I was going back to take a refresher course at a college I had attended years ago. It was different for me than the other students because I got to take the course for free due to graduating from that college.

When I went to speak to the teacher about how I graduated a long time ago, but was there to refresh my skills on Excell and my computer wouldn't let me sign in she ignored me. She didn't want to deal with it at all and looked at me like I was stupid because everyone else had no problems logging in, and then I felt stupid.

I went back to my desk and worked two hours on just trying to figure out why I couldn't log in. Then at break time I went to the office and they got the problem fixed.

So the second half of the class was horrible because everyone was way ahead of me and I had no idea what was going on. I approached her again and tried to explain the situation of how "my case" is different from the rest of the class and she wouldn't speak to me or answer my questions. It was as if I was invisable to her.

I don't know how I dealt with it but I managed to figure it all out and left her alone the remainder of the course so she wouldn't get too mad and start picking on me in front of people (I seen it in her eyes that she was about to lose it with me).

On the last assignment I made some comments on a page I developed that seemed to soften her up a bit. She gave me an "A" and wrote a comment on my paper that said, "You are so sweet and patient, if you ever need a job come to UIS and I will give you a good recommendation."

I was stumped, because sweet and patient doesn't come easy to me when dealing with people that seem to think they are better, and I'm not worth their time.

The reason I put this out here is because life is hard for other people that don't have PTSD. She just seen me as a burden that would slow her down. She realized in the end that I really just needed some starter help and then would leave her alone, which I think made her feel bad for the way she treated me.

Sometimes, if you can, just let it go and try to lay low and find someone else to help you out, until you figure it out.

I wish you the best
Tammy

 

[shiraz]

The universe/God/higher power (as you see it) finds ways to make us face ourselves and gives us opportunities to heal. Sometimes I have to laugh at how they come to me - situations you would never expect suddenly face you and then it is decision time! The last one for me was standing in line next to an elderly man buying x-rated magazines (HUGE trigger for me) he could obviously not wait to get home and had to flip through them right there in the store ... now tell me, how many times in your life will you have that experience? If I had been slightly delayed or not sent an sms before entering the store - I would have missed him totally .... that is the universe at play - helping us face our pain, helping us heal.

I like Tlight's idea of using the situation as an experiment to see if you can stand up for yourself. I have found that the most hardened people are usually the ones who can't take what they give and back down quickly when confronted. It will be tough and you will have to be convincing or she won't buy it ... but it might be worth the affort. You can be assured that similar situations will come your way in the futute and at some point facing them head on will help you heal.

Welcome to the forum and let us know how it goes - lots of courage, strength and support to you for your healing journey
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