General Husband Is Avoiding Treatment

[Concerned]

Hello all. I am hoping some of you have some words of encouragement or suggestions on what I may be able to do for my husband. He suffers from PTSD, he is aware of the problems it is causing for himself and our family but is avoiding counseling. Has anyone had this issue and, if so, were you able to effectively and successfully make a difference? Thank you for sharing!

 

[Dallas]

Is he a combat veteran? If so, there is an excellent link with our "brother" site if he is interested (for veterans only) at [DLMURL]http://mycombatptsd.com[/DLMURL]


Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[Dallas]

You will find excellent support for yourself here.

Welcome!
Dallas.

 

[Kelsbell]

My husband also avoided counseling. He eventually expressed to me that after he had gotten out of his final deployment that the counselor he saw at our local VA was "stupid" and he left before he could really get any help with his problems. This was before we met so i couldn't really help in that situation. I really think that this hindered him from looking recently. He still doesn't think any one even a certified counselor will understand. I know he found more comfort in talking to the guys that we went over with, that have families but had the same experience that he did and they seem to understand more. Also he needs to understand that its ok to open up and show an emotional response to what has happened. Not in a negative way towards you but in a positive way. I have told my husband that i will listen if he wants to talk. But he tells me that i will never understand and that i won't be able to handle it so that back fired on me. Ive got him to go to a counselor 3 times with me and he seems to understand what he's doing wrong but when we left he went right back to the things that sent us there. So my suggestion is to see if there is any one that he can relate to that he can trust from his deployment. Ive been told that the ones they go over with have a bond that no wife, family member would understand...

 

[kabeh394]

When I first came to this site, I was looking for answers, nobody really gave it to me straight, so since you asked directly, and I'm a straight shooter, I will cut to the chase.

This site is informative, you will read many things here you will relate to (at least I did) however, unless your husband chooses to help himself, there is really nothing you can do except learn as much as you can about this illness/disorder.

What I mean when I say that, is that things will start to make sense to you and you will get answers to questions you never thought to ask (again, my personal experience) but now that you know about PTSD, you're really only scratching the surface (again, speaking only from my experience).

What your husband is displaying isn't uncommon, but again, it's only the beginning! I really hope this helps, and you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, be patient, there is a test at the end (my own brand of humor)!

 

[Concerned]

Thank you all for your responses. Each one resonated with me in one way or another. My husband is not a combat vet but a 20 year law enforcement officer. He has found another officer who has had similar experiences and is also suffering from PTSD. This has helped and I am grateful for him and for you all and this site!

 

[Bilby]

This site is informative, you will read many things here you will relate to (at least I did) however, unless your husband chooses to help himself, there is really nothing you can do except learn as much as you can about this illness/disorder. What I mean when I say that, is that things will start to make sense to you and you will get answers to questions you never thought to ask (again, my personal experience) but now that you know about PTSD, you're really only scratching the surface (again, speaking only from my experience).

Very true.

There is also a book about the PTSD relationship that you might be interested in - I found it to be a very good read.

 

[Sailorgal]

As Kabeh mentioned, it is hard to get an answer directly because it isn't like an injury where if you do "x," you get "x results."

Law enforcement and military have their own unique issues as you see.

It's true, unless they really want healing, you pretty much have to accept things as they are. Some people say they want counseling but the obstacles are too hard so they give up.

A lot of layers involved....best of luck to you and welcome.

 

[PeekieBlue]

My partner has combat related ptsd and he is actively partaking recovery now after many years for two reasons. Firstly because he is accepting help from combat stress (uk) and relatesctobthem as they have experienced similar stuff to him so there is a connection. Secondly, and this is the real tougher. I gave him an ultimatum....get help or I leave. Harsh and risky I know but it did the trick.

 

[kabeh394]

Be careful, the trick as you say is more than likely the one he is playing on you. As I said before, he will really only "receive" help if he wants it. The rest is just going through the motions, "this ought to shut her up" is probably closer to the truth (not to be mean, and I truly hope I am dead wrong, but based on my experience, QUESTION everything, and protect yourself). As I said before, you are only scratching the surface! I don't want to scare you, but I wish somebody would have demonstrated for me what was coming. Not that I would've believed them of course, "Luke would never do that to me" is what I kept saying to myself at the time!

 

[PeekieBlue]

I understand and get what you are saying Kabeh394, but if I don,t accept that his reasons for embarking on therapy are for the good of our relationship then I may as well Chuck the towel in now for without some hope what is the point? If things don,t improve after therapy ( which is going to take months, nor weeks) then I can decide where we go from here but for now I will remain 100% positive and hopeful that therapy will help us. There is no point even embarking down this road if I tell myself now that he is doing it just to shut me up. Saying that, I sense from your comment that you have been let down and can relate to your comments and I do understand why you made them. I hope I am right to be hopeful.....time with tell :)

 

[blstrauc]

My boyfriend is in treatment and avoids it. He asked me to find him a place to get help during/after a huge meltdown that he had. I found him a program the next day. At first he was excited, but since he isn't seeing immediate results and it pulls him out of his comfort zone, every single week is a struggle. The day of his appointment he refuses to speak to anyone and kind of throws a tantrum.

I told him at a different time that he needs change if he's going to expect his life to change for the better.
He agreed, so here's hoping all of our sufferers will learn that going to get help is perfectly ok and nothing to be ashamed of.