I had a pretty successful EMDR session last week and I’d like to continue the momentum, however my T always the pot stirrer made me question my motives.
Last week I comforted the teen and though her sadness overwhelmed I gave her comfort for a bit before leaving the memory. As I’ve said in a previous post my T asked me if I wanted to take her into my safe space, something I’ve done with other versions of younger me, though one she surprised and was there (ah the reason I chose not to end with safe space), I told him no because her sadness was overwhelming. Feelings are not my forte so the fact that I sat with her at all is a small miracle. Over the weekend I thought about moving to a memory that I was dead set against revisiting 6 months ago and my T said for how long did I want to avoid it because it seemed significant that we not. I told him I had no idea and I’d let him know when I was ready. He kept bringing it up so I told him I wanted 6 weeks without mention. That’s been 3 or so months ago but he hasn’t brought it up because we moved to different memories.
The reason I didn’t want to go over that memory is because the teen was very angry at me and nothing I could do was helping. I told my T I shouldn’t have to put up with that from anyone but especially, me.
The feelings are the same, sorry not sure how to explain that as they clearly aren’t but with the other three memories that I’ve successfully comforted mini me I could sense what she was feeling like you would someone else you were trying to comfort but with the these two memories it’s like I’m marinating in them, they’re contagious and heavy, too heavy.
having had success with the teen I kind of want to see if I can replicate it in the angry memory. My T asked if I only wanted to change to avoid the feelings from Friday’s experience. Honestly I know that is part of the motivation, I’m not sure how much but also if all I was doing was avoiding I have dozens of memories and all but about 8 are easier than this one so if my only motivation was avoidance wouldn’t I just pick one of those?
My question is how do I know if I’m avoiding by picking the other memory versus feeling the need to go back to unfinished business? I kind of feel like I’m ready to stop avoiding the other memory, also going back to last weeks memory and just sitting in her sadness, holds zero allure. My T says it’s up to me but to complicate matters after Thursday when I would do whichever of these I choose he‘ll be out of town for a week so if the angry teen blows up in my face I won’t have an appointment for a bit.
So how would you know? Any suggestions? Questions that might help me make the decision? Something else I’m not seeing?
Last week I comforted the teen and though her sadness overwhelmed I gave her comfort for a bit before leaving the memory. As I’ve said in a previous post my T asked me if I wanted to take her into my safe space, something I’ve done with other versions of younger me, though one she surprised and was there (ah the reason I chose not to end with safe space), I told him no because her sadness was overwhelming. Feelings are not my forte so the fact that I sat with her at all is a small miracle. Over the weekend I thought about moving to a memory that I was dead set against revisiting 6 months ago and my T said for how long did I want to avoid it because it seemed significant that we not. I told him I had no idea and I’d let him know when I was ready. He kept bringing it up so I told him I wanted 6 weeks without mention. That’s been 3 or so months ago but he hasn’t brought it up because we moved to different memories.
The reason I didn’t want to go over that memory is because the teen was very angry at me and nothing I could do was helping. I told my T I shouldn’t have to put up with that from anyone but especially, me.
The feelings are the same, sorry not sure how to explain that as they clearly aren’t but with the other three memories that I’ve successfully comforted mini me I could sense what she was feeling like you would someone else you were trying to comfort but with the these two memories it’s like I’m marinating in them, they’re contagious and heavy, too heavy.
having had success with the teen I kind of want to see if I can replicate it in the angry memory. My T asked if I only wanted to change to avoid the feelings from Friday’s experience. Honestly I know that is part of the motivation, I’m not sure how much but also if all I was doing was avoiding I have dozens of memories and all but about 8 are easier than this one so if my only motivation was avoidance wouldn’t I just pick one of those?
My question is how do I know if I’m avoiding by picking the other memory versus feeling the need to go back to unfinished business? I kind of feel like I’m ready to stop avoiding the other memory, also going back to last weeks memory and just sitting in her sadness, holds zero allure. My T says it’s up to me but to complicate matters after Thursday when I would do whichever of these I choose he‘ll be out of town for a week so if the angry teen blows up in my face I won’t have an appointment for a bit.
So how would you know? Any suggestions? Questions that might help me make the decision? Something else I’m not seeing?
