Hypovigilence?

[Friday]

Most of the time over the past few months, if anything I'm hypovigilant about startling. Something happens that usually has me reacting big, or at least jerking, and instead it's a huge sigh. Literally. Exhale and cast my eyes over in a glare.

Which is weird...cause I've... Had a few close calls with overreacting to being startled this past year. So overall my startle is muted like crazy, but when it comes out? It comes out hard. 2.5 assaults (ish), 1 drop into combat driving, 1 string of invective like I haven't cursed anyone out in over a decade. Fortunately that was my sister and she thought it was hilarious. The other 3 and a half times I stopped myself before anyone got hurt, but they were all close things.

Anyone know what's going on with that?

 

[Weemie]

sounds like dissociation to me mixed w/ legit hypervigilance.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hypovigilance = being NORMAL.

This isn't that.

 

[Ronin]

Sounded to me like dropped alert and being 'safe' and then caught off guard despite assessing the surroundings as safe already, hence hitting home harder?

(Tbqh my first thoughts went to surprise you dealt with 'just' a line of expletives... So I originally came in with a 'good job for so much of self control and politeness and being grounded' but then I noticed it's a problem you're asking so I'll shove the congratulations for a sec.)

 

[edgarbedger]

Did you try and train yourself to react that way after being startled in the past? Have you started any new drugs recently that might have you more calm?

 

[shimmerz]

Friday, I have been thinking about this post all day (in between my excessive sleeping sessions today *grrrrr*). I believe that you and I both come from a different trauma background and I think that counts in many ways. Development trauma has it's own magic to it that affects one's core beliefs that can be difficult to decipher for those that don't have those developmental interruptions. That being said, my thoughts on this would be as follows.

Hypovigilance was my hallmark all through my life. I did whatever I wanted and never noticed a thing. I did what I wanted to when I wanted to and didn't react to anything that 'normal' people should have. It was dangerous, frankly.

Then the rekindling 8 years ago. I reacted to everything. My hypervigilance made me into a different person. Changed everything about my life. I couldn't ever ground. I was a mess.

Now? I am somewhere in between and I am not certain where that is exactly. I posted about fireworks last weekend. I was unbelievably thrilled that for the first time in 8 years I could hear and noise and not feel like a dog I used to have who literally would crawl under the couch (lifting it) and shaking convulsively. And now....well it was gone.

I don't feel vigilant, I don't feel hypovigilant as that feeling with me was a 'I don't notice nothing' feeling, and I am definitely not hypervigilant.

I wish I knew what healthy was, but this sentence struck me

instead it's a huge sigh. Literally. Exhale and cast my eyes over in a glare.

I feel like this is a more healthy way, or would feel that way to me. Recognizing, physical reaction, and then an emotion (annoyance?).

I have to ask if you are calling this hypovigilance because you are so used to your hypervigilance?

 

[joeylittle]

There are some interesting theories about the relationship of yawning to the central nervous system - and that it may be involved in a kind of 'reset' (not just yawning, but the whole range of things called pandiculation, which is a bunch of involuntary stretching of soft tissue) - reading about you sighing, @FridayJones, made me wonder if you were having a pandiculation response instead of a hypo-vigilant one. This would actually indicate something healthy going on.

Doesn't explain away why the other reactions are sky-high, but maybe the two phenomena aren't related.

 

[Weemie]

@joeylittle, what is this pandiculation thing? i tried googling it but i can't find any info. don't mean to hijack the thread, just found this interesting.

 

[joeylittle]

• http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21665102 - this is a link to a study abstract; it happens to give the cleanest description of yawn-and-stretch, aka pandiculation
  
• https://daysomatics.wordpress.com/articles/pandiculate-for-health/ - this is a link to a somatics website. The somatic people are really big into pandiculation, seems. This site had the article with the most content and the least bias.
  
• Link Removed - a paper specifically on yawning as a brain-cooling mechanism. Sounds strange, but actually makes sense when you read it.

All these things refer to the action that animals do upon waking, when resuming movement, and just periodically throughout the day. We apparently are also supposed to do this. The yawn part definitely happens to people. The stretch part, I think a lot of folks self-censor unless they are in an environment where they think it's OK to stretch.

Honestly, I never knew there was a word for the process or quite this much documentation on it. I always bought into the 'we yawn because we are low on oxygen' thing, but that isn't actually true.

 

[Chava]

To me hypovigilance sounds like dissociation. I can think of times where I nearly got hit by a car because I sort of turned my head like I was looking, but nah...I wasn't. Everything was just glazy and snow-globey. If I'm sort of in this state and actually trying to accomplish something (or not get killed) I need extra coffee and cigarettes. I hate it. But not sure if that's what you're experiencing. I'd say I'm hypovigilant when really depressed or dissociated on some level. I'm thinking my tiny dose of gabapentin isn't helping me sometimes. Any med changes?

 

[Friday]

A bit belated thanks to all... A lot to think about.

Just to answer Qs: Nope, no new meds or change in meds. Doesn't feel like disassociation, as I know it, although I suppose it's possible. Does feel linked. A lot like the stress cup & anger parallel where things build until they explode.

To visualize it

... It's a lot like a dog who is boneless on the floor. Loud noise or running feet? Something they'd usually at least prick ears for, if not leap up and dash after? Instead gets the lazily opened eyes that kind of generally look in that direction (as long as they don't have to move their heads!), and the bored sigh, while they -if anything- turn into even more of a jelly-fish on the floor. Nope. Not gonna move.

... or like the cat who is perfectly still except for their tail slashing back and forth all pissed off.

Both cases, aware of the sound, and reactive to it... Just not normal reactive. I dunno. It's weird.

 

[shimmerz]

So Friday, are you saying that the two (dog and cat) are different? In the dog scenario, there is no pissed off - just disinterest, almost like not completely aware of what is going on (my words, not yours).

The cat more based on pissed off....

Are they two separate scenarios for you?