Relationship I’m scared he won’t come back

[Ad4708]

My boyfriend has ptsd and if you have seen the thread I posted before . It explains everything. After reading more , and researching. And also getting stories from both the supporters and the sufferers. I know that when the sufferers isolate they tend to come back to the people that don’t try to “fix” them. Because if you try to help them and kinda be that hero for them they don’t come back. So basically my boyfriend has been ignoring me for a week and yesterday I noticed that he blocked my number. I would send him one text a day just to check up on him ask if me and him were still okay . Just asking why he ghosted when he promised me he never would. I just feel like I pushed him and stressed him out even more. But I am new to this and it’s my first time dealing with this so how was I supposed to know. But after doing my research i see that I am not alone on this. I just hope he comes back just so i could tell him that it’s not his fault for any of this and that I’ll be there for him when he needs me and when he doesn’t I’ll give him his space. So for sufferers do you think I pushed him away and do you think he won’t come back ?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Step back. Calm down. Breathe.

He may be back... he may not. There is no way of knowing if this is PTSD, regular relationship cold feet or any other one thing out of 100.

Right now you need to focus on your own mental health. For that you need to be calm so you can do some realistic thinking. First of all you need to accept he may not come back and it may have nothing to do with PTSD. That is within the realm of possibility. Being in denial of that hangs up a lot of new supporters.... mistaking a break up or ghosting for “isolation.” They cling to false hope. The first time it happens you just cannot know what’s going on.

Secondly if he does come around you’re not nearly ready to be able to promise him space because it’s only been a week and you’re a mess. You have to REALLY be OK with space before you tell him you’re OK with giving it. That means not taking it personally. Not freaking out about your relationship when he does it. Deciding how long you are willing to sit around and give space. Whether it’s acceptable that he blocked you on his phone, etc. Deciding your own limits takes a lot of thought and consideration, and if he’s only been doing this for a week you’re probably still in bargaining mode... “if he comes back I’ll do XYZ to keep him happy and make sure he stays this time.”

It doesn’t work that way when your partner has a mental illness. He is gonna feel how he’s gonna feel, and nothing you do or say is going to change that. We as supporters have zero control. All we can do is decide what we can and cannot REALISTICALLY handle and then set our boundaries.

It’s not romantic. It’s reality.