I Break Everything

[BlueDream]

my husband just left me, he is going back to his safe place with his family. He had left 3 weeks ago, but came back. I told him if he left tonight he will not come back. I can't take it anymore.
I just want to "fix" myself and he is jealous. He can't stand for me to pay attention to myself before him.
He can't take the pressure of getting a job and supporting his family, but yet that's what he went back to school for. I have held it together for 10 years of our 12 year marriage. I can't do it anymore.

 

[Lionheart]

As we say here in the south, "Bless your Heart"!!!

I am so sorry that you are going through this rough patch and I hope things work out well for you.

You seem like such a good person and I have enjoyed chatting with you. It bothers me that things are not going so good for you right now. 12 years is a long time.

I was in a 13 year relationship that ended when I became disabled. I took a time out for me, to work on me and focus my attention on my healing and it bothered her so, she gave me an ultimatum and I walked. Anyway, I understand what it is to invest yourself in a long term relationship and it not work out well.

If it is okay with you, I am sending you hugs and want you to know that you can talk to me anytime you want or need.

Wishing you peace, love and healing,

Lion

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Some people can't handle it when others change. Dynamics are oftentimes set up early in the relationship and like it or not, they can be part of what attracts someone to us.....later on down the line if you change those dynamics, it throws the other person into a tail spin. It sounds like your husband wants you to continue to be the same person who always put him first. He sounds very selfish. I don't think you should harbor so much blame for the end of your relationship. It takes two people to make a relationship work, and it sounds like he wasn't willing to grow WITH you-----something that is essential for a long term successful relationship.

 

[shell]

It's really difficult for marriages to remain strong at the best of times, I hope you allow others to support you at this difficult time.
Sometimes in the process of fixing ourselves, fixing our relationships will be forced upon us. I think it is part of the process, that as we grow stronger, and more authentic so will our relationship with ourselves and others, those who start the journey with us, may not be comfortable with someone who is assertive, functional and capable, as it wasn't the reason he was attracted to you when you met.

Mourning those losses is an important part of healing and letting go, take time to support yourself , you deserve safe supportive people who honour your needs.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I agree with the above posters. It does take two and he is not willing to change with you so it is far better for you to continue on your own healing path without him.

You will have to mourn the losses and the illusions that have been shattered.

But you are getting healthier and he is naturally getting sicker and sicker. He does not love you, he loves the status quo which was making you so miserable.

Later on you will find so many wonderful things about yourself and also begin to thrive. I wish you the best. It is not your fault you did not do anything wrong.

 

[BlueDream]

My husband came home. I did not ask him to, he came back on his own. He has been back for two days and I wish he had stayed away. I don't know if I can heal myself, and be in a relationship with such a needy person. ( by needy I mean creating mini crisis so all my attention goes to him and not on myself) So far we have fought 1/2 the time he has been back.
I took his leaving a lot better than I ever thought, why did I tell him he could come back?!?