Hello. I've been diagnosed with depression, except it goes like this:
I will be depressed for a one month minimum, feel okay for six days to a week, and then be depressed for a month again. I'm really, really upset with myself for giving the hope that maybe my antidepressants worked this time. I can feel the one month depression coming on me right now. It wasn't triggered by anything: it's just been six days since I've been depressed.
I can't handle it anymore. Either I'm scared of being normal for a week because I know it's gonna end or I give myself false hope and fall even harder. I don't know if there is hope for me anymore. I can't be consistenly normal and I've never been like that since I was 13. I don't want to die. I want to live a life where I can feel normal, and I know it's just out of reach for me, and I'm trying so hard to get myself to just end it. No more gestures, no more being afraid of how others will react, just be gone because I will spend 2/3 of my life suffering.
I will be depressed for a one month minimum, feel okay for six days to a week, and then be depressed for a month again. I'm really, really upset with myself for giving the hope that maybe my antidepressants worked this time. I can feel the one month depression coming on me right now. It wasn't triggered by anything: it's just been six days since I've been depressed.
I can't handle it anymore. Either I'm scared of being normal for a week because I know it's gonna end or I give myself false hope and fall even harder. I don't know if there is hope for me anymore. I can't be consistenly normal and I've never been like that since I was 13. I don't want to die. I want to live a life where I can feel normal, and I know it's just out of reach for me, and I'm trying so hard to get myself to just end it. No more gestures, no more being afraid of how others will react, just be gone because I will spend 2/3 of my life suffering.