I Don't Belong

[keifer]

I'm a Vet but not a combat Vet. I have PTSD but not from combat even though what I've seen doesn't count or qualify. It's from something else. I'm not worthy, not even worthy to wear the uniform.

Mine is from something so stupid its not funny. I'm ashamed to have PTSD from a simple out patient procedure. I hate myself for this.

I will not let this happen to me again. I will fight until I'm dead to let it ever happen to me again. I'm scared they can do whatever they want and I will not let that happen.

I want to cry. I want to fight for my life. Why is it considered so wrong to be informed and treated like a human being? I don't get it? The world is evil. I want nothing to do with it.

 

[Emma13]

You belong here.

 

[macca]

Hi keifer. It sounds like you're having a real bad time at the moment, and you're beating yourself up and minimising. If it was not a horrific experience for you, you wouldn't fight til death to prevent it happening again. You wouldn't have PTSD. I'm going through a similar thing, and hating myself and minimising what's happened to me - from what I've seen on here it's a common pattern. You are worthy, and your suffering now is legitimate, though I wish that you weren't suffering. The creation of PTSD seems to be a perfect storm of event, how we perceive it, and how much (or little) support we have in the aftermath. It is not that you've created something out of "nothing" - it is your brain doing what it's meant to do. A biological mechanism, not a choice. PTSD is PTSD - there is no differentiation according to what set it off. No source that is more valid than any other source. An event is an event. Hang in there, the bad patch will ease. I've seen your posts - you definitely belong here on this forum.

 

[macca]

I just wanted to add - my last sentence sounded a little creepy - "I've seen your posts" - sorry about that. I can assure you that I do not follow you or anybody else around the forum! I've just encountered you now and then.

I know what you mean about the world seeming evil. I've often thought it was against me. I've also often thought of myself as some kind of bad luck charm. I think this is the PTSD affecting our views of the world.

 

[Britt.f7]

You don't have to be a combat vet to have PTSD. If anything, this site has shown me that. No one here, to my knowledge, is going to judge your reason for PTSD. Heck, you don't even have to share it. I don't. That is entirely up to you, but, please, don't feel ashamed. Try not to. There is no reason, really, for it.