I Don't Have The Energy For It

[Definitely..maybe]

I've been struggling with CPTSD for years but was only diagnosed a year ago. Since then I have tried working full time and going to school full time to take my mind off it all. Eventually my panic attacks, dissasociating and wearing down of my body caused me to quit and move back home. My body gets so sick from all the stress, it's caused multiple issues as well as surgeries.

I then lived at home to get through all the medical issues and be able to see trauma doctors more regularly. I was seeming better but still scared to leave the house for fear of seeing any of my attackers.

Then an opportunity to move with some family across the country to the beach came up. I took it thinking I could start working full time, going to school and living on my own again. Now that I'm here I just feel so exhausted, like I definitely can't do all of that. Mentally I'm back in a dark place. Getting better and life with ptsd seems so tiring, I just feel like I want to stop trying to push so far forward sometimes. I don't want to miss out on all of life- it's just too much.

Sorry for the rant guys, how do you keep going?

 

[arfie]

Full time school and a full time job is enough to over-fill any cup. I honestly don't know how anybody does that. Is there an over-achievers forum? I tried it with spectacular crash and burn results. Much of my therapy was on how I was using over-compensation to hide from my PTSD issues. These days I think I was hiding in the future. It was, after all, hope for the future which got me through the chaos of my childhood.

But that is me. Sometimes a good rant helps me move forward at whichever speed fits the day.
Hope your rant helped you. Please do not be sorry for the rant.

 

[DMerish]

Full time school = more than having a full time job. Not many people without PTSD could do it! Maybe lowering expectations on yourself is in order as well as a bit of time off just to relax and find methods that will aid you in managing stress.

 

[EverOnly358]

Sometimes a good rant helps me move forward at whichever speed fits the day. Hope your rant helped you. Please do not be sorry for the rant.

I love this comment, @arfie! Sometimes it's just so important to get your thoughts out there where people can listen, in order to get yourself unstuck. Plus, well, I always love a good rant. ;)

@Raige,

I agree with arfie and DMerish, go easier on yourself. Don't try to do everything, even though it's so tempting. I was really over busy and over scheduled. Once I stopped, in order to spend some time working on PTSD and just allowing myself to slow down, it's been really hard to go back to all I used to do. So, I've decided for the moment not to try to do everything. Which is really hard, because I would totally be a VIP Member of any over-achievers forum out there, LOL! (*kidding*) :laugh:

I feel better if I get exercise and drink lots of water. Simple, I know... and maybe you think you don't have time to exercise, but it really helps me feel better. Plenty of exercise leads to good sleep, good sleep leads to feeling a little more able to tackle the day. And be nice to yourself, try not to be upset because your needs have changed, and now you need to work on PTSD and that takes up your time and energy. I'm not sure if this will help you... but I'll throw it out there anyways, in the hope it's a good reminder.

Hang in there,
D123

 

[C689]

The first reaction I have had is to go and do to much and just keep moving.. Personally I find it helpful as a momentary solution, but at some point I have had to slow down and just process.

Yet, just keep going and doing seemed to be helpful at points in the process.

 

[Definitely..maybe]

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and support. It's just now that I'm working on my ptsd I feel like I don't know how I'll ever be able to work and go to school and be independent again. I just feel like there's no end in sight.

Sorry for being a downer- I know there is!

 

[C689]

Best thing I found threw this (I call Merry Go Round) is that it is a moment in time. It will pass and does not define you.

 

[the_best_I_can]

You are not a downer. Sharing your story helps others,. Hearing you helped me. I have been through the public health care system and have been diagnosed with a few things, one being PTSD. I also started falling for someone with CPTSD. Your rant gives me the perspective not available to me from my love interest who is currently in a triggered state and isolating. Additionally, like the others pointed out, a rant can get you through. Keep ranting, it helps to talk it out. :)

 

[EverOnly358]

You're not being a downer. I think the same thing all the time... like, haven't I suffered enough? How long do I have to keep suffering for what happened to me during my childhood? When do I get to move past this? Honestly, it's just hard and does take a lot of time... but I keep holding on to the fact that every little thing I can do to feel better is one step closer to having a better handle on my PTSD. So, baby steps. But I wanted you to know, we've all been there. I think we all sometimes feel like it's going to take forever.

Hang in there, you'll get there,
D123

 

[franciemarnie]

Sometimes when I am back in a dark space, it feels like it will never change and I'll be there forever. But it always changes.

There is a rhythm in life I think, a flow back and forth. Sometimes you've got to rest and restore. Listen to your body. It's tired, but if you rest and take care of you, you will feel restored again and can go out and do the things you want to.

 

[rightkindofme]

Going to school full time and working full time may not be a reasonable goal for you. I was not able to do so. I worked part time and that was all I could manage. I dealt with being very poor.

That doesn't make you a loser or me a loser. :) Just because your path is longer than you want that doesn't mean you aren't on the path. You can't do everything Right Now. Sometimes you have to recognize that in this moment you really and truly are doing what you can do.

Feed your bodily needs before any other needs. Get enough sleep. Get enough exercise. Get enough time to sit down and eat calmly. Then add a job. Then see if you can handle a few classes at the same time.

Baby steps are how you get through every overwhelming task. You can't be all of a sudden Arrived in the middle of a huge process. That's too hard.