I don't have a friend

[Punky143]

I don't have any friends anymore. In my family, no one really likes each other and they feel like strangers. We (DID) used to be best friends with our twin sister, and it felt natural.
Fast forward to today:
Having friends felt like an obligation, in addition to my home life. plus confusing
The sad thing: we are the ones who caused it. After a series of sad events, I isolated, my parts took over my day to day functioning therefore any friends I had would pick up on the changes and it felt scary and still does. For the longest time, we didn't really care since we have each other. I'm sad for myself, sad for my parts tonight. Does anyone relate?

 

[Midnightmoon]

*wave*

Really relate. I'm very isolated too, it's probably one of my top runners of the cause of my shame. Then I'm ashamed for being isolated so isolate even more!

Here is a little step towards connecting, little steps count

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I tend to isolate and have for years. I have worked hard at changing that with some success. Being basically an introvert I had to train myself to start conversations. The grocery store check out person is a good one to start with. I will ask how their day is going, then I will follow up with “for a work day” and that usually gets a smile. I make eye contact and I ask questions about them. I have expanded this to everyone. It just comes natural now. Since I recently relocated I am making new friends everyday here. For me I think fear was holding me back and that fear was of rejection based on my low self image. I am beginning to understand that is all in my head. So my confidence in myself has been building.

 

[PamelaS]

I don't have any friends anymore. In my family, no one really likes each other and they feel like strangers. We (DID) used to be best friends with our twin sister, and it felt natural.
Fast forward to today:
Having friends felt like an obligation, in addition to my home life. plus confusing
The sad thing: we are the ones who caused it. After a series of sad events, I isolated, my parts took over my day to day functioning therefore any friends I had would pick up on the changes and it felt scary and still does. For the longest time, we didn't really care since we have each other. I'm sad for myself, sad for my parts tonight. Does anyone relate?

I haven’t been diagnosed with DID, but I relate to being all alone. There was a period of ever out 5 to 10 years where I was isolated, all alone, confined to my home… but I always had a friendship of one person. That person to me was Jesus. Perhaps that person for you can be your other parts. Jesus got me through that time. And maybe all of your parts working together can get you through your tough time. Wishing you well. Sorry if I offended you sharing. I don’t want to harm.

 

[arfie]

i relate far enough to be envious that at least you have parts you can talk to. all i have is me, myself and i. yup, problem envy is one of my symptoms. everybody seems to have sexier problems than i do.

Having friends felt like an obligation, in addition to my home life. plus confusing

ditto here, except for the past tense. with young 3 orphans to raise, i need yet another obligation. then we get to the confusion of trying to understand all those social cues and other oblique human mysteries. think i'll just let the mystery be.

but, damn. . . it do get lonesome.

 

[Chesh]

I don’t even know how many times I’ve done that, in my own life.

Sometimes on purpose, sometimes as a survival mechanism.

The on purpose times? Made the survival ones easier to come back from.

If this is new to you? There’s life after. Damn good life, damn good friends. Missing/wanting/regretting? Is usually the first step in a new direction. Not always?sometimes it’s just an awareness of what is, and double-checking reasons. Still valid? Habit? Bad players? Good choices, even though sucky reality? Etc. Still tells me I’m wanting. Even if the timing is bad.

 

[deno]

Punky, I feel this post in my bones. I don’t have DID, but I relate deeply to that kind of isolation, where the people who used to feel natural and safe start to feel like obligations, or worse, strangers. I’ve lost people too, and it always seemed to follow the same cycle: I gave, they took, and when I started to change, when I tried to survive, it scared them off.

What you wrote about being sad for yourself and for your parts… that’s a rare kind of truth. The kind of truth that only emerges after a great deal of pain and a great deal of strength. You said, “we caused it.” Maybe. Maybe not. But I know this: people notice when we change but rarely ask why. They just drift. Or judge. Or vanish. That’s not your fault. That’s their limit.

I’m still learning this too, but I believe that sadness doesn’t mean failure. It means you’re still alive. Still hoping. Still ready, somewhere inside, for something better. And like someone said above, there’s life after this. Damn good life. Keep going. You're closer than you think.

 

[Starfire]

I don't have any friends anymore. In my family, no one really likes each other and they feel like strangers. We (DID) used to be best friends with our twin sister, and it felt natural.
Fast forward to today:
Having friends felt like an obligation, in addition to my home life. plus confusing
The sad thing: we are the ones who caused it. After a series of sad events, I isolated, my parts took over my day to day functioning therefore any friends I had would pick up on the changes and it felt scary and still does. For the longest time, we didn't really care since we have each other. I'm sad for myself, sad for my parts tonight. Does anyone relate?

Yes I can

I don't have any friends anymore. In my family, no one really likes each other and they feel like strangers. We (DID) used to be best friends with our twin sister, and it felt natural.
Fast forward to today:
Having friends felt like an obligation, in addition to my home life. plus confusing
The sad thing: we are the ones who caused it. After a series of sad events, I isolated, my parts took over my day to day functioning therefore any friends I had would pick up on the changes and it felt scary and still does. For the longest time, we didn't really care since we have each other. I'm sad for myself, sad for my parts tonight. Does anyone relate?

Was just facing this. Moved into an apartment for the first time. People are polite and friendly. Thought we could be ourselves in our apartment and ‘behave’ ourselves out in the complex. Picked one that had lots of nature and few apartment buildings. Love the view from our apartment. Have rabbits, birds of all kinds and morning doves, even had a Penhen stop bye! Luckily we are well fenced cuz mountain lions occasionally stop bye too.
Inside family loves it.

Then car needed repair. Nobody to give us a ride to and from. Then had an emergency and had to go to hospital ER was admitted.Didn’t take my shoes and nobody to give me a ride home. Although immediate neighbors came to visit. My outside family is scattered over the country and we’re always calling but……..

So have arranged with a couple other neighbors to help each other in an emergency. But they are not ‘friends’.
We make excuses when it is noticed that we are not using our usual hand. Or we are walking differently. Would dearly love a friend who wouldn’t be afraid of us.

 

[Punky143]

Yes I can

Was just facing this. Moved into an apartment for the first time. People are polite and friendly. Thought we could be ourselves in our apartment and ‘behave’ ourselves out in the complex. Picked one that had lots of nature and few apartment buildings. Love the view from our apartment. Have rabbits, birds of all kinds and morning doves, even had a Penhen stop bye! Luckily we are well fenced cuz mountain lions occasionally stop bye too.
Inside family loves it.

Then car needed repair. Nobody to give us a ride to and from. Then had an emergency and had to go to hospital ER was admitted.Didn’t take my shoes and nobody to give me a ride home. Although immediate neighbors came to visit. My outside family is scattered over the country and we’re always calling but……..

So have arranged with a couple other neighbors to help each other in an emergency. But they are not ‘friends’.
We make excuses when it is noticed that we are not using our usual hand. Or we are walking differently. Would dearly love a friend who wouldn’t be afraid of us.

I agree. I long to have a best friend who can lean on me on hard times and I can as well. My friend knows I suffer from mental health issues like DID and still accepts us. A friend we could hang out with and laugh.
I'm afraid no one out there has the patience to be at us. We're inconsistent and prefer to be alone but sad we don't have anyone

 

[PamelaS]

I agree. I long to have a best friend who can lean on me on hard times and I can as well. My friend knows I suffer from mental health issues like DID and still accepts us. A friend we could hang out with and laugh.
I'm afraid no one out there has the patience to be at us. We're inconsistent and prefer to be alone but sad we don't have anyone

You may not have friends physically, right beside you that you can touch. But you do have all of us, and every one of us understands. I hope you find comfort in knowing that you are here among friends.