I Dont Need You, So Get Off My Case!

[tphillips117]

I actually think I'm the least needy person I know. I don't rely on anyone for anything. I cant even recall the amount of times, I've wanted to do something and searched youtube to find the answer and then followed through. The most recent of which was when I wanted to cut some downed tree limbs in my backyard and found myself at Home Depot the next day to buy a chainsaw. If I want something I go for it. Too bad, there isn't an online video to heal emotional pain.

I do need reassurance, but I need it in the form of consistency and reliability. While I don't expect my T to owe me anything outside of sessions, I am a paying customer and he IS providing me a service. It has to work for both of us and it has to feel like we're on level playing fields here! I'm no charity case...so just treat me right. I'm a kind, compassionate and caring wife, mother, friend, etc. And if its wrong to expect more than I'm getting...than so be it!

 

[Abstract]

TP,

Regardless he may well see it as a boundary issue I am afraid. And I have to say that if he is psychodynamic then that is very likely. On the whole they tend to be very big on boundaries. Is there a receptionist or any other way of dealing with business or does he do it all?

If he deals with it all and the email was to tell him that you were taking 6 weeks off then regardless of his policies he should respond. If he has a receptionist then I do not think taking emails should be expected as a given.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

you fighting past your fears in coming to them so they can help you, to help yourself.

I agree with this a lot and I think this is part of the major issue here. Might even bookmark it...

 

[tphillips117]

Abstract--he has no receptionist. He is in an office that is shared with 3 other therapists, but they all deal with thier own clients personally.

 

[anthony]

I didn't say 'you're' needy or stalking them, but more, it is a general context of what happens with therapists and clients, therefore, therapists have strict boundaries in place, hence you don't get replies from them and such that you want / need in order for validation or other reason.

 

[tphillips117]

I dont think that responding to an email or phone call is violating any boundry. If thats the case than don't give out either. Dont give clients an opportunity for any contact outside of sessions, if thats what the T believes.

It is also up to him/her to tell the client if they believe a boundry has been crossed and then discuss it. In my opinion, ignoring your client should NEVER be an acceptable option!

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

You said in your first post:

I decided more than a week ago, to take a break from therapy,

And you also said:

I've not heard from my therapist since.

But the point is:

he will decide if he'll write back or not.

And that is because...

They cannot spend their time running around after one client who feels they deserve more than other clients, regardless of your trust issues.

 

[tphillips117]

Oy vey! :( You guys dont get it at all. I regret having created this thread.

 

[Abstract]

Personally that makes it very different in my opinion.

So TP if I am now understanding correctly:
* He deals with all bookings and connected matters himself.
*You don't email him about personal matters and only business matters.
*You expected an acknowledgement that he received an email that you sent him saying that you were taking a break.

I think that is reasonable. I certainly don't see it as needy.

When I said boundary I did not mean that you stepped on his but rather that if he said he won't always respond to emails that that may be a boundary that he put in place. But if the contact is necessary and about bookings etc I think that is totally different.

I don't think it was clear in the first part of the thread that your contact with him via email is only about business and when necessary and maybe that is why you are getting the responses you are.

Therapy boundaries are a complex issue and different T's feel differently about them. But really it seems irrelevant to this particular situation.

 

[tphillips117]

Abstract,

That is exactly right! He handles all his own clients in his personal office. No receptionist, no one to contact other than the therapist.

The fact that Abratross said that I "terminated" him was EXACTLY the reason, I wanted a call back, so that I could AGAIN make it clear that it was a break and not a "Quit"!

While I know that this site is not to pander to every poster, I do feel a little let down that some people who posted seemed awfully judgemental about what I felt was pretty straight forward. I suppose I'm a little too sensitive, but I was just looking for a little understanding.

 

[Pencil]

TP, I understand your frustration.

 

[Abstract]

I wanted a call back, so that I could AGAIN make it clear that it was a break and not a "Quit"!

I can see why that would be a concern and something you wanted confirmation of.

I can also sort of see why this happened on your thread as it is easy for things to be misunderstood when in written form like this. I know I have written a post and then on receiving a response I have realised that it could be perceived very differently from the way I intended. Especially since I am often fairly spacey. Sometimes I look at it and think that I too would have read it as others did! :confused:

If you were contacting him for support or for therapy related issues and responding as you did to him not answering when he had already said

Stating that I can email him whenever I choose but he will decide if he'll write back or not

(expecting responses regardless and being angry about it) then people would want you to not take his actions as abandonment, lack of care or a reason not to trust him. As that could very well end with you leaving therapy in general and not getting the help you need.

I don't think you are too sensitive at all as anyone would find it challenging, but I do think this happened mostly because of a misunderstanding. That's why I think it can be good to ask lots of questions! :peeking: Things can be very different to what they first appear. If the answers feel very off compared to what I meant in a post then I often go back and see what information I have left out that could be relevant.