I enter psychosis and end up in the hospital when I date/ talk to men

[Emmydrums12]

I have been in the psych hospital 6 different times. Each time it has been because I started talking to and getting involved with men. I will say this. Not every time that I have dated I ended up in the hospital with psychosis, but everytime I went to the hospital with psychosis, I was involved with / dating someone. The first time I went to the hospital was in 2016. I lost my virginity at this time to an ugly smelly fat redhead. He was the very first person who ever asked me out of gave me attention, so I went with it. When he broke up with me I acted completely psycho and obsessed with him and I entered psychosis and went to the hospital. 5 other times this happened with 4 other men. I need help understanding why dating makes me enter psychosis. The doctors have diagnosed me with bipolar disorder and with Borderline personality disorder as a rule out. (They can't diagnose me with that because psychologists haven't spent enough time with me to know). Well I have a psych degree and I really believe I have BPD rather than bipolar. I really struggle maintaining relationships and I become strangely obsessed with people very easily. I am 31 now and have not found love and would really like to. I also have no close friends yet I have a great personality and people call me cool and fun all the time. I have never been in a serious relationship before ever and would like to know what it's like to have a normal solid relationship with someone without worrying about going straight back to the hospital. I feel so alone in this like there is no one out there with a similar story to mine. I just really want friends and some day a boyfriend. I am sick of being lonely.

 

[Ecdysis]

Do you have PTSD?

 

[Movingforward10]

Is it the dating or the end of the relationship that triggers the psychosis?
If it's the ending, and you get strangely obsessed with people, then it sounds like there are issues to explore around your attachments and understanding appropriate behaviour in relationship with someone?

 

[Emmydrums12]

Do you have PTSD?

I am not diagnosed but I witnessed some traumatic events and when I was younger something may have happened to me but I maybe don't remember

 

[Emmydrums12]

Is it the dating or the end of the relationship that triggers the psychosis?
If it's the ending, and you get strangely obsessed with people, then it sounds like there are issues to explore around your attachments and understanding appropriate behaviour in relationship with someone?

So 3 of the 6 was from after it ended. When they ended I had a severely difficult time sleeping, I was awake for like 5 days the one time and had really bizarre thoughts. Other 2 times I was in the middle of an abusive relationship (also on drugs) . And one time was seeing someone but also drugs, which I don't do anymore. But when I start to date or show interest a lot of times I catch myself with thoughts that are not true. A lot of times these thoughts are like "hyper spiritual" or stem from hyper religious thoughts like I think that relationships make me enter these feelings that make me think the experience is a highly spiritual one and not grounded in reality. I am trying to think of an example but it is very hard to explain.

 

[Rose White]

Are you in therapy? These topics would be great to talk about and explore the childhood stuff and how it’s connected. It’s possible to rewire your own thought patterns but it takes a long time and it can be grueling work.

 

[Emmydrums12]

I was in therapy for a few weeks but my psychologist is retiring so I need to find another one

 

[Friday]

Aloha! @Emmydrums12

The ‘other disorders’ tab, here at MyPTSD is for people who have PTSD AND another disorder. Just as all the other tabs here at MyPTSD are for PTSD AND _______.

For all things mental health I’d very much recommend NAMI, for BPD specifically, https://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.org/

HTH