Hi there. I just joined this forum tonight and the initial large trauma occurred in my life 4 yrs ago. I can wholeheartedly relate to what you're experiencing -- it comes in ups and downs. For years I tried to ignore the incident and didn't understand why I could never get back to being my fun, life-loving self. Then many events occurred in my life that not only brought the initial incident back to light, but also have forced me to relive it and fight the fight all over again.
You're in for a long road but you'll get through and it's great you're seeking help and understanding early on. I was attending group counseling and realized that even though there are no easy and quick fixes, you can find comfort in knowing you're not alone. Many others understand how you feel and even though we don't understand why things are so difficult, we can help each other be strong.
The most helpful words I've heard (though not the easiest to abide by) is that you must first accept where you're at and not try and force yourself to be anything else -- if you're feeling down, it's completely OK and normal -- we are human and emotions are necessary and can't be forced away. Once you accept where you are emotionally/mentally, it's much easier to focus your attention on other things. When I'm in my 'downs', it's usually because I'm hard on myself for feeling down and anti-social and that just spirals further. I am just so eager to be back to normal that I look at all the things that are still messed up (or others point them out) and this is very depressing.
One therapist said, 'The only way out is through.' When she said that, I felt like. 'What?!? What kind of crap is that? How do I GET through??' However, now I see what she meant. Everyone in my life and myself included just want me to be back to myself but it's impossible to just 'get there'. There are a lot of ups, downs, and other bumps that's you'll hit and accepting the bumps as the way 'through' helps me to feel positive that at least I'm moving through and hopeful that I am going in the right direction.
I've been feeling very alone lately because no one in my life really understands what I'm going through and when they say, 'I understand what you're going through,'' it's always followed by something like 'you just need to stop being emotional', or 'you need to do X'. I felt myself start to drift back into seclusion again, feeling very alone.
Thanks for your post. I wish no one would ever have to endure trauma and all the pain it brings but just hearing that someone else is feeling the same way as me right now stopped me from getting down again for feeling how I'm feeling. :-)
I wish you the best!
