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I Got Robbed Tonight.

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Philippa

Diamond Member
I've managed to talk myself out of beating myself up, though I was being quite brutal earlier...but I just keep saying "Beating myself up won't change the fact that he took all my money tonight and it will only make me feel even worse about it, when I already felt humiliated, impotent, stupid and upset and sick!

I'm home now and have received some support and empathy from friends on facebook. I feel like I need to vent about it once more before I go to bed, and hopefully will not keep myself up all night being hard on myself about what is now the past...

It was the last customer for the night. I've been working since 10:30am this morning and it has been a long day in which I worked pretty hard, and earned some really good tips...all of which that f*cker took at the end of the day.

Before I tell the story, I will be clear that this was my own stupid mistake that caused this. I forgot that I had left the wallet with the days takings in it in the room with the customer, who up until that point seemed very nice. To be fair on myself, it is a stupid system the boss has set up and I really don't like the system at all. They have made it so every practitioner has to keep the money their clients paid for each session on them until the end of the day, instead of one person at the front of the house minding the desk and the money in a til or drawer.

I am new and still didn't know the staff very well, and since I have had bad experiences with at least two staff members and one female manager, I tend to not trust the women more than the clients, who are mostly men, though we do still cater to women as well...they just don't come in as often as the men do. It takes women much longer to allow themselves to feel like they deserve a massage. Men don't have this issue. ;)

It was also his choice to take the money or be honest about it, and he chose to be dishonest and steal from me. That's his responsability 100% but I am responsable for leaving the wallet within his opportunistic grasp. It was a mistake...I forgot it was even there until after he'd left with the contents.

So, anyway...the session went fine, and I only realised that he'd taken the days takings after he'd left and I saw the other wallet that I'd left in there but forgotten I had! I ran out into the street to try and find him but he'd already bolted. The women I worked with were not very sympathetic, and I took responsability for my mistake and explained to them that it was a confusing system and I had tried to find a way to keep my money seperate from the bosses, so I would not be so confused...but in the process I ended up forgetting that there was a second wallet and I forgot to take it with me when I left the room, for him to get back into his clothes...so the opportunity was too much for him to resist...scoundrel.

I'm tight in the neck area and although I have managed to stop saying harsh things to myself...at least I cannot notice that I am at the moment, I still feel a bit low. That money was to go towards my cats operation, and he took it! I wonder if it will go towards more IPL laser treatment on his hairy greek ASS? SOrry, couldn't help myself...he had red dots all over his ass and legs and it appeared as though it was from hair removal, but I don't know for sure?

I wasn't sure if they were marks from taking Ice (which is a possibility, and would explain the thieving), but he looked pretty healthy...at least at this stage...he was tanned and had a nice body (and knew it). I noticed his hands were slightly grey and told him so. I thought it could have been poor circulation...but it could have also been from Ice consumption. It's not the first time I've seen Iceheads come in for a massage.

So yeah...I was mighty pissed off about 2 hours ago and growled all the way home riding on my bike!

He said he was a barista, making coffee for a living. I guess he wasn't making that much...or at least not enough in his mind. f*ck I hate people like that! I gave him a good massage and wiped him down with a hot towel afterwards to get all the oil off...and he robbed me? I just listened to Slipknots 'People=Shit' and that's how I was feeling. It's the most brutal song on their album, but it helped me discharge all the aggro feelings I had, and friends showed they were thinking of me and caring in their responses. No one blamed me for leaving the money within his reach...except me.
 
Glad you are resisting the urge to beat yourself up. I have yet to see where it helps. I try to take mistakes like this in the spirit of learning. Education is seldom cheap... Sigh...

Gentle validation, Phillipa. Nasty lesson I wish nobody ever had to learn, but you seem to be learning well.
 
I don't see how going to the police will actually help? Yes, they have security cameras...but the guy left no id and he simply won't come back and has probably spent the money by now. I still got paid for the work I did, I just lost all my tips. I don't know if police would bother if it's tips?

I need to speak to the boss though, as I'm not comfortable with the cash handling system and don't want a repeat of this to happen again. It was humiliating enough and the crazy thing is this nearly happened to me again the other night. The boss didn't show up to do the pay and pick up the takings, so I had to carry nearly $300 in cash around with me and left my wallet at the bar of my local that night! Luckily the barlady took it and kept it for me and no money was missing, and a friend who works there informed me the next day...but 4 days later...this?? I don't want to be responsable for other peoples money and risk my own tips being taken.

Anyway, I just spoke to her about it and she knows what happened. She says there is a draw I can use that has a lock and from now on I will wear a money belt, like travellers wear inder their clothes as a preventative. There's not much that can be done with the police though, as I have no id or contact address or number for him. That should be something implemented but if someone comes into a place with that intention they are not going to give their real details anyway.
 
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One thing I have noticed with PTSD is my ability to be careful is sometimes impeded, as in situations like this one. I have real trouble being careful...with putting data in the right files as well as situations like this. I forget things so easily and am careless. I should not be left in charge of money but I can't tell the boss why.

I think I'm being hard on myself there though. I'm giving the message that I cannot be trusted with money and that is a message my father drilled into me as a kid, when he'd insist I give him my savings from my job, so he would hide it from me so I wouldn't spend it. In his mind he thought he was helping, but what he was really doing was sending me the message that I cannot be trusted with money...and prior to that I was actually really good with saving money and not spending it. I knew how to discipline myself and not spend and had goals in mind...and he f*cked it up. My mother ended up stealing all my savings to put into the slot machine, so not only did he f*ck my self worth up but he also made it easy for her to take it.
 
It is hard to manage a situation like this. It is not your fault that he stole your money - it was his choice to do so, and you are new, learning the ropes. Just because you left something in a room does not mean it is your fault it got stolen.

I am glad that you can see that you are being unreasonable with yourself.
 
I've managed to talk myself out of beating myself up, though I was being quite brutal earlier...but I just keep saying "Beating myself up won't change the fact that he took all my money tonight and it will only make me feel even worse about it, when I already felt humiliated, impotent, stupid and upset and sick!

That is great management @Philippa.

Disputing thoughts, not amplifying your emotion, containing yourself, good self talk and self care.

Also you appropriately sough support and processed your feelings not going into denial.

I see many good coping skills and practiced CBT/DBT skills at work here.
 
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Thankyou so much Ms Spock. Nice to feel supported and have people help me to let myself off the hook. I'm still occasionally thinking about what I could have done to prevent it from happening, but I notice when I do it and then tell myself that he chose to take the money so it wasn't my fault, I just was exhausted and my brain was turned off from it being late and the end of a long day so I was not careful enough but he still could have chosen to do the right thing and be honest, and he failed to do so.

I've since quit the job...today in fact.
 
Thankyou so much Ms Spock. Nice to feel supported and have people help me to let myself off the hook. I'm still occasionally thinking about what I could have done to prevent it from happening, but I notice when I do it and then tell myself that he chose to take the money so it wasn't my fault, I just was exhausted and my brain was turned off from it being late and the end of a long day so I was not careful enough but he still could have chosen to do the right thing and be honest, and he failed to do so.
It wasn't your problem.
 
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