I hate football and some other masculine things because of past experiences. Is this normal?

[LordDesslok]

That goes for a lot of other masculine things from the 2000s like football, boxing, working out, etc. I got bullied by sociopaths in my school for 3.5 years. They were smug, violent, gaslighting bullies who didn't just terrorize me, but a select group of other nerds in school who didn't have any support. Try to imagine a dudebro, but slightly intelligent and willing to hurt people for fun and is able to get away with it because the school is complicit. I was forced to fight a linebacker twice my size and was bullied harder for losing. I was drawn as a dog, told I would be worthless when I grew up, was bullied by teachers, etc. In a few instances they even bullied disabled people. Now when I look at sports, combat tournaments, or even certain games like Halo/Gears of War I associate it with them. I still go to the gym but it's...idk..painful? Unpleasant? I feel like I'm associating myself with these people when I do and it reminds me of them which now and again leads to a relapse of me remembering what they did to me for like 10 minutes or so.

Anyone else got similar issues?

 

[Friday]

Now when I look at sports, combat tournaments, or even certain games like Halo/Gears of War I associate it with them. I still go to the gym but it's...idk..painful? Unpleasant? I feel like I'm associating myself with these people when I do and it reminds me of them which now and again leads to a relapse of me remembering what they did to me for like 10 minutes or so.

Anyone else got similar issues?

Most people with PTSD have exactly the same issues.

Part of the disorder is making associations that aren’t real (Triggers & Stressors); that FEEL as real/natural/obvious as “touch a hot burner, get burned”… but instead? Connect “Wear a pretty dress, get raped.” “If someone is yelling at me -or is sporty- they’re going to assault me”… and then Cognitive Distortions & Core Beliefs further lock in those associations with “It’s my fault because I was wearing a pretty dress”, “If I’m assaulted, I brought it on myself, because I could SEE they’re jocks, or hear them yelling, or, or, or”… and then? Avoidance (CritC, below) makes us actively stay away from situations (people, places, conversations, activities, objects, situations) that arouse distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s)…. Which in turn often uses those self same Cognitive Distortions & Core Beliefs to make it happen.

>.<

And round and round we go!!! As one symptom feeds into the next, and the next, and the next, and the first one returns and spirals out another way, which dominos yet again

>.<

I don’t want to wall paper this post with links… but the two already up there START talking about how to “stop that”. You’re already WELL into doing so, as you’re recognizing what’s happening.

C. Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidence by one or both of the following:

1. Avoidance of or efforts to avoid distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s).
2. Avoidance of or efforts to avoid external reminders (people, places, conversations, activities, objects, situations) that arouse distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s).

 

[arfie]

hello lord. welcome to the forum.

you don't say your gender, but i am a female a similar reactions to all things girlie. back in the 60's when girls could be transvestites, i passed myself off as a boy on a consistent basis, just to avoid the pressure to paint my face and dress myself in implements of torture, such as bras, girdles and high heels. fast forward to the 21st century and i refuse to wear blue jeans and tee shirts because they are high fashion. now that dresses are faux pas, even in the most girlie of settings, guess what i am wearing.

dunno if it is the same, or knot, but i mostly wanted to welcome you aboard.

welcome

 

[LordDesslok]

Most people with PTSD have exactly the same issues.

Part of the disorder is making associations that aren’t real (Triggers & Stressors); that FEEL as real/natural/obvious as “touch a hot burner, get burned”… but instead? Connect “Wear a pretty dress, get raped.” “If someone is yelling at me -or is sporty- they’re going to assault me”… and then Cognitive Distortions & Core Beliefs further lock in those associations with “It’s my fault because I was wearing a pretty dress”, “If I’m assaulted, I brought it on myself, because I could SEE they’re jocks, or hear them yelling, or, or, or”… and then? Avoidance (CritC, below) makes us actively stay away from situations (people, places, conversations, activities, objects, situations) that arouse distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s)…. Which in turn often uses those self same Cognitive Distortions & Core Beliefs to make it happen.

>.<

And round and round we go!!! As one symptom feeds into the next, and the next, and the next, and the first one returns and spirals out another way, which dominos yet again

>.<

I don’t want to wall paper this post with links… but the two already up there START talking about how to “stop that”. You’re already WELL into doing so, as you’re recognizing what’s happening.

Thanks for your response. This certainly provides some insight.