I Hit My Husband

[Lost Pup]

Just a thought for times when you feel ashamed or hard on yourself - why would you expect yourself to know how to deal with this situation? None of us do/did. Confronting old trauma is largely and often an act of pure and terrifying improvisation. Hence the bravery Echo mentions. Above all else, be kind to yourself - you are going to need it for the times when it's 2 steps forward, 3 steps back, etc. You are doing great, btw.

PS. That you are scared is an extremely good sign that you are able to accept what is happening to you - it is genuinely and rightfully scary. Thankfully that also means it is a chance to cultivate bravery.

 

[Abstract]

Well done Bed bug. You should be proud that you have had the courage to look at this honestly. You deserve the help and your husband deserves for you to get help too.

 

[Leah123]

have been stuck in denial for weeks and I am ashamed of myself. I need help.

My dear, if your denial only lasted weeks, count yourself among the lucky. What you've been through is very ugly, the abuse and the PTSD symptoms. It's unfair but true that you're now responsible for stopping the repercussions of something horrible that was done to you through no fault of your own. You're in a hard place, but if you do deal with it right now, by finding a competent, supportive, kind, experienced, knowledgeable therapist, you can put it behind you that much faster. I've made great gains in therapy lately, am so glad I started, even though it is hard work and painful. Still, you'll find you are in control now, much different than during your youth, and smart trauma therapists know it's all about giving you what you need to feel safe, to be in control, so you trust them enough to be honest and they can best help you. I had difficult/unproductive therapy as a teenager myself, so I can somewhat relate. But therapists who deal with trauma, childhood sexual abuse, PTSD, etc. are well aware of how to handle these issues and can be a big help, giving you a framework for healing, feeling safe (and keeping safe for your hubby and others), enjoying your relationship and life more.

Courage is taking the fear you have and calling for help. You are and will be in control, indeed, doing what you fear proves you have a good deal of self-control, which is the most important thing.

 

[scout86]

"High 5" Bedbug!!! That's the first step. Welcome to the journey! And keep us informed while you find the help you need and deserve, and the rest of the way along your path.