I Might Be Gone

[Deleted member 28403]

My parents took away my phone, so I won't be able to find any support on this page, which will make me more vulnerable to all that happens in life.

They are constantly crticizing me and I think about suicide more and more often. I will try to visit site from library.

I don't know what to do anymore. I won't even ask for support on here right now, as it won't be able to reach me. My parents are crazy. They keep telling me that I'm lazy, good for nothing and that I slack of all day, even though I work my ass off.

 

[NIKI]

I'm so sorry you are in so much pain.

 

[Ronin]

Please don't give up on life and your chances to get better that way.
I also think you should get in touch with local emergency services, eventually police itself, if you're at the stage of being danger to yourself like that. Are there any youth centers near you? They should be able to find something viable for you as well.

 

[bell]

You do know that this is all only temporary, yes? That when you get older you don't have to do anything your parents say? And that one rash moment of suicide means possibly missing out on decades of autonomy?

When I was your age, several people in my general peer group killed themselves. And beyond anything, it was a terrible waste because they never got to see who they really were. They just got to see what they were like under the control of school and their parents. They never fully lived.

Now at almost 40, I'm so very glad that I never succumbed to the darkest thoughts I had when I was younger, because If I did, I would never have had the chance to really know myself, PTSD and all. I would never know that there is a way a through it all and beyond it all and a life so much better than anything I could have ever dreamed then.

I'm not sure what you meant by posting this post, whether you want us to beg you to stay or tell you you're right or whatever. But I can tell you one thing, you are not who you are meant to be yet. And that person you are meant to be, who withstood all this crap and is stronger for it, is a person worth knowing. Fight to meet that person. Giving up is the easy route. Fighting to meet who you are meant to be means you will get to the good stuff. You just may have to wait out some bad stuff first.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Please keep on checking in from the library, ok? I think that we will worry about you. Well, I know I'd wonder what happened if you didn't keep on checking in with us!

I'm not going to sit here and feed you the typical "don't do it because blah blah blah" like is typical for this sort of post. You've heard it all before, so I'll spare you, ok? You're smart enough to see through the rhetoric, I know.

If you reach your breaking point and you know you're going to hurt yourself, get the f*ck out of that house.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

They took away the bathroom key, so I can't have bathroom as a safe privacy place now. Tonight my dad kept banging into my room. And they keep blaming me that I stole from them, although I didn't. They just keep putting pressure on me and act towards me like I'm a nuisance in their lives. I don't know what to do. Tonight I had light sleep and a mix of sleep nightmares and reality nightmares.

 

[Tanishq]

Sorry to hear that otakujome. Banging room door is terrifying, my dad has done that to me as well. I know how you are feeling.

If you are away from this forums, think and take it in a positive way. Think about the things you have learned here. Remember good positive threads you participated. I do this and it reminds me of positive things people put here and that way I could find ways to increase more strength in tough times.

@bell wrote very nicely. It's all temporary. I agree with her. This is the most positive and relieving thing to hear. Now a days people don't share wisdom. You got it here. I hope you have read people's responses here. :)

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Managed to pick up some of my life again. Feeling better, though, it's only the start of the weekend so I'm unsure about what I will feel by the end of it. Keeping my mind away from bad thoughts the best I can, but lately had a wierd experience, will post a thread and write it down somewhere.

 

[argentinaguy]

Please don't give up! There is always a way through it. Try not to let their words have that affect on you and always remember there are people who will support you and what you do no matter what!

 

[jmni]

I know that you are pretty young. I think you said 14. I think you mentioned moving away. Could you elaborate on that. Will you be living with your parents then?

If I were you I would consider moving out. If you feel suicidal it could really be better for you. You would have to find a job and work full time or possibly work two jobs. The only problem with my suggestion is that you might have to quit school. And I don't want you to suggest you throw away your education or something. According to wikipedia secondary education is not mandatory in Croatia. And it's possible that you could take online courses to finish the year or something to that effect. Or even catch up next year. A second option might be, for the next semester move in with a relative or friend and go to school in a different area to finish this year.