I need help on how to stop feeling this way - Navigating triggers & overwhelming despair.

[helpmeepleasee]

so basically I've felt this way for years and everytime it makes me want to self harm/thoughts of death. I have triggers and first of all theyre everywhere I cant escape. I wish I could go back to being a child where it wasn't anywhere and I was safe. But i can't do that. No one can. So I need help on getting over it. I have no friends at the moment, they all left me because they didn't care and had other friends to be with anyway. So I see my triggers, get the hurtful burning heavy feeling in my chest and throat and feel like slicing up all my arms and have thoughts of death to escape the unbearable pain.

I've been good and haven't self harmed for months but it doesn't stop this unbearable feeling always coming. Everytime all I have to do is deal with the pain and let it pass. Which takes hours sometimes days. It's so hard. The only thing that helps is being with friends. But I don't have any so I'm all on my own and its so hard. Even wh3n they were in my life they didn't care and ignored me which hurt so much and made my self esteem plummet. And family makes my feelings worse so I can't go to them. I'm alone, i need help but no one will help me. I'm begging, I don't want to die but it's making me feel like that's all I'll have in the future. No one will love me, I'll always be stabbed in the heart everywhere I go with these triggers

 

[Friday]

I'll always be stabbed in the heart everywhere I go with these triggers

Not if you eliminate them, by either working on your triggers & stressors, or by processing the trauma that originated them.

A place to start:

Working with triggers

Triggers are part and parcel of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). If you have PTSD, you have triggers of some kind that cause a symptomatic reaction. The positive to triggers is that with time and effort you can remove them or lessen the symptomatic impact to non-distressing levels. Many...

www.myptsd.com

 

[helpmeepleasee]

Not if you eliminate them, by either working on your triggers & stressors, or by processing the trauma that originated them.

A place to start:

Working with triggers

Triggers are part and parcel of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). If you have PTSD, you have triggers of some kind that cause a symptomatic reaction. The positive to triggers is that with time and effort you can remove them or lessen the symptomatic impact to non-distressing levels. Many...

www.myptsd.com

thanks

 

[Movingforward10]

I second working on triggers to eliminate them. There are various ways to do that. Some people use exposure therapy. Some people use thought stopping. Some people use mindfulness. Whatever techniques work for you. Sometimes it's trial and error, and practice.
It can get easier.
.
You haven't self harmed in months despite these feelings and triggers. That's pretty impressive. And shows your determination.

In terms of the friends: are there groups or activities you like that you could join? Sports group? Reading group? Etc?

Are the old friends absolutely gone? Sometimes friendships go through phases , so wonder if one or two of them are able or worth picking up again? (If the quality of the friendship is worth it?).

 

[helpmeepleasee]

I second working on triggers to eliminate them. There are various ways to do that. Some people use exposure therapy. Some people use thought stopping. Some people use mindfulness. Whatever techniques work for you. Sometimes it's trial and error, and practice.
It can get easier.
.
You haven't self harmed in months despite these feelings and triggers. That's pretty impressive. And shows your determination.

In terms of the friends: are there groups or activities you like that you could join? Sports group? Reading group? Etc?

Are the old friends absolutely gone? Sometimes friendships go through phases , so wonder if one or two of them are able or worth picking up again? (If the quality of the friendship is worth it?).

yes the old friends are 100% gone. I don't want them back at the end of the day anyway because they always made me feel worse. I'm going to uni soon so hopefully I meet nice people there, I'm really not looking forward to it though because I'm scared I'll just meet more people who hate me or the triggers hurt me too much while I'm there.

Thanks for responding btw, and I understand I need to work through the triggers etc but idk I feel like I need a bit of guidance/help/support on what'll actually help.. and knowing this will continue to be a looong process. Like I wish someone could hug me and know the situation hurts and tell me "it's going to be ok" and help me past/out of the situation. Over time I feel like that could help.. but no ones ever done anything like that despite me trying to let them know it would help.

Of course it's not some stranger on the Internet's responsibility to help me or anything but I just wish I could work out what could exactly help me more because I'm so lost/confused like nothing works fully by myself

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi @helpmeepleasee .

I can relate to feeling incapable and alone and lost. It's very scary. But as @Movingforward10 said, are doing much better than you realize. Of course support is a true blessing but many do not have it. Please take a look at this article, because I think it is key to working through the mindset, even a tiny piece at a time.

Best wishes to you. That's great with University. you are coming far to realize so early that this is an important issue to address.

Solving the problem: reframing negative thoughts

How many times have you heard yourself say, "I can't?" Everyone has these moments. Problems can seem too intricate to solve, and challenges can appear too difficult to face. For people living with PTSD, there is an additional piece that will easily make anything seem impossible: negative...

www.myptsd.com

 

[whiteraven]

just wish I could work out what could exactly help me more because I'm so lost/confused like nothing works fully by myself

I know what this feels like, and how awful it is not to have any friends.

Are you seeing a therapist?

 

[helpmeepleasee]

I know what this feels like, and how awful it is not to have any friends.

Are you seeing a therapist?

no, I don't have any money for it and in the UK the waiting lists for free treatment may as well take yearssssss. In the past my experience with getting this kind of help hasn't worked anyway, either because the therapists didn't really talk about stuff relating to me or I couldnt be with them long enough to actually improve

 

[No More]

Would you be able to look into volunteering, or perhaps starting up some hobbies that might allow you to meet some new people with similar interests?

It’s worth talking to your GP and getting on the waiting lists anyway. There’s also some charities that might be able to help with a therapist in the UK, so it might be worth looking into if any of them can help you? Plenty of private therapists will offer sliding scale or a couple of subsidised spaces, maybe you could look a few up and shoot them a message, see if they have space.

 

[Movingforward10]

There should be support for you at uni. You could access student counselling services? That might help.

Do you have a diagnosis?

Like I wish someone could hug me and know the situation hurts and tell me "it's going to be ok" and help me past/out of the situation. Over time I feel like that could help.. but no ones ever done anything like that despite me trying to let them know it would help.

I think we all wish this. Natural thing to wish. A therapist won't do this. And friends might. But we can do it for ourselves.
I'm working hard on thought stopping. And stopping rumination. And changing negative beliefs into neutral or positive ones.
The hard fact is: things only get better if we do things differently.
Maybe focus on one thing and try and work on that? Whether that is a particular trigger. Or the worry you won't make friends at uni. What are counter messages or things you can do to help yourself?

This journey of healing sucks. It is lonely at times. And overwhelming. And hard. But you got the skills. You're about to go to uni which is really great.

 

[Friday]

no, I don't have any money for it and in the UK the waiting lists for free treatment may as well take yearssssss. In the past my experience with getting this kind of help hasn't worked anyway, either because the therapists didn't really talk about stuff relating to me or I couldnt be with them long enough to actually improve

Ditto @No More …it’s worth going ahead and getting on waiting lists, and looking into insurance… but in the meantime? Working on triggers & stressors, stress management, finding healthy coping mechanisms, self-care, examining & challenging cognitive distortions & core beliefs, aaaaaand roughly 80% of PTSD treatment overall… are things you’d be doing on your own, in your own time, even if you were in therapy 3x per week.

Getting the 80% down before starting treatment? Puts you in an amazing place to actually begin trauma-therapy & trauma-processing from Day 1… rather than having to wait another couple years whilst you learn how to stabilize yourself & your life, emotional monitoring & regulation, manage symptoms as they come up, etc… before beginning trauma processing.

The articles on this site are a great place to start… but there are ALSO metric shittons of books/workbooks & other resources out & about in the world. For all different types of personalities, personal preference, & trauma histories.

 

[ManukaLuver]

so basically I've felt this way for years and everytime it makes me want to self harm/thoughts of death. I have triggers and first of all theyre everywhere I cant escape. I wish I could go back to being a child where it wasn't anywhere and I was safe. But i can't do that. No one can. So I need help on getting over it. I have no friends at the moment, they all left me because they didn't care and had other friends to be with anyway. So I see my triggers, get the hurtful burning heavy feeling in my chest and throat and feel like slicing up all my arms and have thoughts of death to escape the unbearable pain.

I've been good and haven't self harmed for months but it doesn't stop this unbearable feeling always coming. Everytime all I have to do is deal with the pain and let it pass. Which takes hours sometimes days. It's so hard. The only thing that helps is being with friends. But I don't have any so I'm all on my own and its so hard. Even wh3n they were in my life they didn't care and ignored me which hurt so much and made my self esteem plummet. And family makes my feelings worse so I can't go to them. I'm alone, i need help but no one will help me. I'm begging, I don't want to die but it's making me feel like that's all I'll have in the future. No one will love me, I'll always be stabbed in the heart everywhere I go with these triggers

Cognitive behavioral therapy didn't help, so I had EMDR. I'm not a dr and this is only thing that helped me.