Relationship I Need To Hear Some Opinions Please

[kacee129]

My boyfriend and I have been living apart. He has wanted terribly to come "home". I told him in order for that to happen he would have to seek treatment at the VA. (He has combat ptsd) He said he would. Then the time came that he was going to come home and he didn't. He made up an excuse that he had to wait to get some money from a friend that he had made a loan to. Then he wanted to come home again. And again didn't. Then I got an email the other day asking if I would let him in if he just showed up. I told him he knew what was required. I also added that it scared me because I didn't want us to go back to the way we were when he left. His response to that was OK I understand. I'll try to go to the VA here and get something started. That made me kind of hopeful.

Last nite I get a text that he can't keep living in a rented room just waiting to see what happens between us. He said he knows he will probably not follow through with going to the VA. He may go one or two times and more than likely stop. Then he said he will just get on with his life instead of hurting me by not following through at the VA.

My mind is going in circles. Part of me is angry with him. Part of me is relieved that maybe we can just put an end to this relationship. But a big part of me wants to tell him to just come home and we'll go from there. And then I think of his breakdowns that we would have to endure again. I just don't know what to do or say or feel.

So I'm asking for any input. Don't worry about hurting my feelings. I have more or less developed a very thick skin. I'd just like to hear what others that may be in or were in the same boat have to say.

Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I am a sufferer and even though I HATE it when people show me their boundaries, I must admit that it is during these times that I grow the most.

I encourage you to stick to your decision for him to get help or you two aren't moving forward as a couple. If you let him move back, it's giving him the message that he doesn't need to work on his healing and that is ok with you (even if it really isn't).

Honestly, he has told you that he will in all likelihood not follow through with treatment. I think that you should consider moving on and ending the relationship. I do not believe that an untreated ptsd person who essentially won't work on healing should be in a relationship. (I think it's quite selfish, to be honest, in that the sufferer is putting a lot if burden on the supporter without even working on their own healing.) Yes, we all deserve support, but at what cost to our supporters?

I wish you the best. I know this isn't easy.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I would say you need to stick to what you've said.

He needs to accept that this is real and that it is effecting his life. It may take that realisation for him to go and do something about it. So for you to take him back at this point, it wouldn't help him, and it would be hurting yourself.