Relationship I Think He Has Ptsd

[heyimbecca]

my husband has been through a lot in his life. He has been abused as a child, abandoned by his father, bullied and teamed up on in school, and he has seen combat as a marine overseas. We've been married for nearly 10 years and he has been out of the military for 9. Over the past 10 years our relationship has depended on his moods and his state of mind. My sister is a therapist and recommended that I come on this site because she has seen him and knows his tendencies and said that I should look into this site. My husband will not go to be seen or diagnosed, but I believe that he might have PTSD. We have a lot of children together, and our life together, but I feel like he's always trying to get out. He has told me that he feels like he has no place in this world. We are Christians, and he tells me that he feels like there is no place for him at our church or even in God's kingdom. I just feel like I'm at such a loss right now. I am worried for his safety because he has been talking about dying soon. Like, he thinks he's going to have a short life. He wrote a note to me and all of our children, individually, a few weeks ago "just in case" he dies. I'm so scared! I know you can't force him into therapy, but I know that he needs it!

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome to the forum! No, you can't force him into therapy, unless he is an imminent a danger to himself or others. Writing "in case I die" letters to his children is a little concerning. If you have reasons to be concerned for his safety and especially if he could end his own life, please do not hesitate to call the local crisis line yourself in your area for more support around what is a safety concern and isn't, and options to get help. In the US, there are even crisis lines just for vets and their families.

You can also get therapy yourself and set up boundaries about his emotional states and how you all will act around him. It sounds like you have really structured your life around him, and it may be time to learn to not structure it around him as much. I know this sounds backwards to do with someone who is so struggling, but beginning to end co-dependent types of patterns of relating can help sufferer see their behavior and pain more accurately.

No one here can diagnose him, and it would be unwise to try - but I'm really glad you are here reaching out for support.

Have you thought about perhaps talking to the pastor of your church about having the pastor reach out to him? Or a local vets group? Maybe someone who has been a vet could reach him in a way that you or others can't.

 

[GWhizz]

Can you ask your family doctor for advice/support? They could suggest a basic check up or something and maybe bring things up there.

You can't force therapy or assume a diagnosis, but you can look out for symptoms and explore it with him yourself to find out if the past is still very much an issue, or if it's something else.

I hope you get the right help and support.

 

[heyimbecca]

Thank you for the responses! I may try to find a fellow vet for him to confide in, even if it doesn't get him to immediately go to therapy or something. He seems to be very prideful about it... that he doesn't need help and he can do it alone.

he currently has his guard up with our pastor and it is very hard for him to trust anyone. It's so weird, because we met and we got married 3 months later. It's strange to me, because he barely trusts anyone he meets even after months and months of knowing people. he doesn't seem to want to know anyone, let alone actually trust anyone. Why did he trust me?

I need to find a way to get him in touch with someone who was like him, someone he can identify with. Thank you for the advice :-)

 

[illusionist]

I can only agree on what has been suggested..... but would like to add something, from my own experience. When my kids were young I wrote letters, and kept them with life insurance etc...just in case I died as I genuinely believed I would not live much longer, suicide was not on my mind. I didn't feel I belonged in this world either. I used to update these letters regularly, and did so for many years. It gave me a peace of mind knowing that when I did die my kids would always know what I thought of them and they knew the special times we shared.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@heyimbecca, does he go to the VFW? He may be able to get some support from some fellow vets there... and it seems like another vet is more likely to talk a vet into going to the VA to get checked out.

 

[Friday]

Welcome. I've written those notes many times. One of the common things is the whole 'sense of foreshortened future'. After about a decade I collected all those notes to my son, and they became a treasured little keepsake I planned to give to him when he moved out. My talking to my son over the years as he grew up; what I wanted him to know, to be able to hold onto in case I wasn't there to tell him myself, so he'd always know how much I loved him, and how proud I was of him. (My ex burned them, the bastard. Not because they were bleak, they weren't. Because he's a jerk.)

If he won't go to therapy, there really are a lot of other avenues to explore. This place would be one (there are several Vets on here, with either combat PTSD, Childhood trauma, or both... Not to mention the man who created this place is an Australian Vet).. There are also some great books out there, but books are hard to process in a dark place. Do check out the articles in theVault (tab above, a few links below). As well as VetCenters (I wont touch the VA with a 10' pole, either, VetCenters are unaffiliated with the VA / do not share their records).

SemperFi...from another jarhead a little too keen on sucking it up for a little too long! I've learned though, that sometimes suck it up is a pansy excuse for avoiding hard work.

The Ptsd Cup Explanation

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/understanding-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd.86476/