Relationship I Think My Ptsd Girlfriend Relationship Is Coming To An End.

[Darin]

So my girlfriend of over a year that has PTSD is not looking so good, I've handled the taking off for no reasons, giving and not getting anything, having her get mad at me for studying PTSD, having her get mad at me for breathing.

She uses things that I have said in the past to keep herself away from me, but still wants to be my girlfriend, there is no intimacy, and she doesn't trust me even though I have never cheated on her or have done anything bad to her.

I own a business, I just picked up a major account, my girlfriend does not like sushi and was watching her kids, so to celebrate, I went to a sushi bar in Scottsdale, she called me there, I told her what I was doing, she got pissed, apparently, I was cheating on her. So she fights with me for an hour last night, even after I brought her a rose and tried to calm her down. She has been gone all night, It's around 1:30 am, still gone, we live together.

I tried breaking up with her two weeks ago, I caught her talking to her abusive ex boyfriend, caught her lying, so I told her to leave the house.

She pulled the suicide card on me and told me she would get better, so I decided that because she was so dedicated to stay that I would work on patience and let the lying go.
I am miserable with her, she is very selfish, I keep thinking she will get better with therapy, but she cannot keep a job long enough to get insurance. I've spent money on her and her son, that she had with the abusive ex, but I'm thinking that this may not be worth it, she isn't taking her illness serious and its hard dealing with someone this cold and selfish, even though I know she is sick.

We connect very well, but this is too hard, I am very nice and supportive, but she will pick everything apart, compare me to the abusive guy, take something completely out of context and use it against me.

Part of me doesn't want it to end, she is close to me in a not very close sort of way, and I don't want to hurt her, but she is like a cancer to me, I don't know why I'm posting this, just frustrated...

<Edited for paragraph breaks and moved to Supporter section.>

 

[sisu]

Hello Darin,
I think you know exactly why you posted this ~ and if you re-read what you wrote the answer will become even more clear. She does have PTSD, and that is a terrible thing -- however she has to show you she wants to get better. Go to counseling, take meds if necessary and stick with that program. Right now she is not doing any of those things and in addition is manipulating you with mind games. Please take care of yourself and set some boundaries for her. Until she makes an effort to get better there is nothing you can do for her.

Take care,
Sisu

 

[Pale Warrior]

Hi Darin,

We are not on this planet to be abused. Sometimes those who are are so effected by it that they become self destructive and can take those around them down with them

I had a hideous childhood and early life and as an adult was often a nightmare to be around. I could only have a stable relatonship when I sorted out my issues and got the therapuetic care I needed. All my experience tells me that you cannot make this person heal or change or do anything she doesn't want to do. Untill she makes the decision for herself, the relationship will almost certainly continue much as you have described.

It has taken nearly 12 years for my husband to get his PTSD under control and even now there are times when he struggles baddly. The difference for us was that we had 7 years of a strong, loving relationship before his accident and I knew through his actions that he wanted to get better.

Good luck to you both, x

 

[timetorecover]

Darin, You must take care of yourself first.

Nobody deserves abuse and if you can protect yourself, do!

I wish my husband could show an ounce of understanding and support like you have. Well done for trying! Sometimes some people are not ready to get better yet, sometimes they never are. PTSD is a lifetime thing, no matter what therapy or medicine, this illness is always going to rear its ugly head.

Good luck and stay strong!

 

[Jawn]

Darin I can't really add anything to what has already been said, but sometimes you do have to do what's best for you. Much of your description sounds like my ex-wife. She was abusive, distant, no intimacy, etc. I held onto that relationship well beyond what I should have done. In my case I have a wonderful new woman in my life that makes my ex pale by comparision, even back in the "good" days.

You do not deserve to be abused. You need a healthy and loving relationship. This will only happen if she faces her problems and seeks treatment. You can not make her do that, so it may be the best option for you is to focus on you and walk away. Find your own way with health and happiness, and eventually you will find a good relationship for you. Do not let her issues pull you down because it's not good. I've been there and done that.

I wish you luck and happiness no matter what you decide to do.

Jawn

 

[Trembling]

I can only agree on what the others already said, you need luck and happiness for yourself.

Even moments of happiness, true love and clear understanding, can make up for PTSD moments, but PTSD cannot be an excuse for everything I guess. And even though a relation with PTSD is tougher than others (from my opinion), it is still a two way giving and taking relation.

I hope for you that you find your way. Good luck!

 

[Darin]

Well, we have been able to maintain things for three weeks, no arguing or anything like that, she changed her phone number so her ex couldn't get a hold of her, but she is still distant, cold, and out late almost every night.
So, since we are moving out of this place and into a different place(well, I am)in two weeks, I am not letting her in my new residence, I am moving on.

 

[Darin]

Well, we have been able to maintain things for three weeks, no arguing or anything like that, she changed her phone number so her ex couldn't get a hold of her, but she is still distant, cold, and out late almost every night.

So, since we are moving out of this place and into a different place(well, I am)in two weeks, I am not letting her in my new residence, I am moving on.

Thanks for the support, I do want her to get better, but it drives me crazy dealing with this.