DID Identities

[anthony]

Exactly... you must make that decision to trust the process at some point if you want to move beyond it. The trust is the instilled issue from childhood trauma... and its much harder to learn as an adult when your foundation has stated otherwise. We learn what to trust and what not to as we grow, without childhood trauma, but with it... trust is usually one end or the other, being no trust is ever given, or completely naive and trust anyone, hence constant abuse cycle. Must find that middle ground... and that is where normality is as deemed by social cues, not at either end of the spectrum.

 

[Hlost]

These might be the same but this is what I found.:dance:

Emotions and Feelings - A List of Choices

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Thank you for listing these

 

[Hlost]

Anthony and CB I appreciate the support and information. This is extremely useful and exactly what I have been looking for. Thank you.

Hlost
(now I'm going to cry out of gratitude, what a cry baby I am!)

 

[jadebear]

Past feelings are not what is hurting you, its what you feel now.

I agree with that, but I was under the assumption that in order to heal from trauma, a person needs to feel the emotions they experienced at the time. Are you saying that part needs to be skipped and just work on what I feel now?

don't live in the past, live in the present.

I think most of us here still live in the past, otherwise we wouldn't be struggling so much. I would rather live in the present, but it's not such an easy thing to do when something simple, like a certain way the sun shines, or a certain smell ,sends me back in the past. My main wish is to not live in the past anymore, but I don't know how. You will probably say something like I need to heal from my traumas.....which I am working on....but what about until then?

You use the list of emotions, you go look them up and what they mean... you can then associate what they mean to a feeling that you feel, but cannot explain.

I will work on that. It just sucks, I'm a grown ass woman, yet I need to look up emotions and what they mean in order to even know what I'm feeling.....it makes me realize just how damaging a bad childhood can be. Is it actual brain damage?

 

[cherryblossom]

I would rather live in the present, but it's not such an easy thing to do when something simple, like a certain way the sun shines, or a certain smell ,sends me back in the past.

What do you mean when you say it sends you back to the past? Is that a feeling? A memory? An emotion? What is it that you don't like about 'being sent back to the past'? I'm guessing that these are the feelings you need to think about.

I can see that you are getting frustrated by this? If so, it's understandable. It's obvious that you are trying to work stuff out. Try to be patient, and don't give up :hug:

 

[cherryblossom]

I will work on that. It just sucks, I'm a grown ass woman, yet I need to look up emotions and what they mean in order to even know what I'm feeling.....it makes me realize just how damaging a bad childhood can be. Is it actual brain damage?

I don't know, but I don't think it's actual brain damage. I often, can't pinpoint exactly what I'm feeling. I think it takes a mindful awness to 'get in touch with your feelings', and that it's a skill that needs to be learnt. I'll frequently think that I'm "pissed off", or "fed up", when really that could mean anything - angry, depressed, lonely, upset, frustrated, annoyed, aggressive, sad, guilty, helpless etc,etc. Or a combination of a few things. :thinking: Just my thoughts

 

[jadebear]

What do you mean when you say it sends you back to the past?

Examples......

I was sitting outside at work, smoking a cigarette and just the way the sun was shining made me think about something from my childhood. I ended up zoning out for my entire 15 minute break. I was mad that my break was wasted.

I was at work and when I smelled the perfume a woman was wearing, I started feeling weird, my legs started tingling, my body started going numb and I felt like I was leaving my body. It felt like I was actually re-living the past and I had to struggle to bring myself back into my body.

Certain ways my husband looks, or smells, or talks, reminds me of my dad and it makes me start shaking or I lash out at him.

There's many other things, but those are some examples of what I mean when I say it sends me back to the past. It's both feelings and memories. And yes, I am getting frustrated. And sometimes I do feel like giving up....

 

[cherryblossom]

Hey JB - Dont give up!!

You have given some excellent examples. In all cases, can you think about your emotional reactions to these events, rather than just the physical?

When you 'zone out', what are you feeling? I know you said you were mad that you wasted your break, but during those 15 minutes do you know what was going through your mind? What were you thinking about? Or, if you were 'dragged back to the past' - what was happening?

When you started to feel wierd because of the perfume, what did you feel? You said you were re-living the past, but in what way? What were you feeling? What were you re-living?

When you are reminded of your Dad, and you start shaking, why do you shake? What feelings come up to make you shake?

You have said it's both feelings and memories. What feelings? What memories? What feeling do those memories bring you?

To have such a difficult time with remembering the past, there must be strong emotions attached to those memories. This is completely normal.

When something reminds me of my trauma, it stops me cold. I shake, I sweat, I have the horrible anxious feeling in my stomach. Sometimes I'm so physically affected that I vomit, or have chest pains, or get the pins and needles associated with hyperventilating etc, etc. But then I have to try to work out why I had such a physical reaction. Often to work out what I'm feeling, I first need to work out why I'm feeling it, or the 'trigger'. Maybe that's a bit backwards, but it works for me.Then work out what my feeling were.

I will try to give a completely random example;
A really good friend say's something. You have a physical reaction to that, and (A)you punch your friend, or (B)maybe you dissociate and you are in your own world for 15 minutes, or (C)perhaps you burst into tears.
Something has caused that reaction. Why did you react the way you did, and what where your feelings that caused the reaction?

(A)He told you "you are a waste of space" - that's so untrue, how dare he say that? - you have done everything you possibly could for your family, yet you have always being told it wasn't good enough, as a result you feel angry and punch him. - Feeling - resentful
(B)He told you "you are a waste of space" -he's right - so many other people have told me the same thing - you end up in your own world thinking of all the instances when someone has told you the same - you feel worthless.
(C)He told you "you are a waste of space" -You remember when an important family member said exactly the same thing a couple of years ago. That memory makes you feel sad and unhappy, and causes you to cry.

I know this is a very lame example, but I hope you understand what I mean. If you are re-experiencing the past, and losing time by zoning out then there is still work to be done. Please don't give up - I know you can do it. Remember that this is "our year", and we are in it together :)

 

[anthony]

I was under the assumption that in order to heal from trauma, a person needs to feel the emotions they experienced at the time. Are you saying that part needs to be skipped and just work on what I feel now?

Yep... that is exactly what I'm saying. If your trauma happened twenty years ago, as an example, and especially as a child, then it would not be realistic to even try and identify an emotion that you have no way of knowing, remembering, or assimilating at such a young age in the first place. So that is completely useless in the sense of trying... all that does is create a whole lot of frustration.

If your brain knows a past emotion, then it will quickly identify with it when you process what you feel now. Some trauma's, as an adult, the person can still remember what they felt then, as it usually hasn't changed to what they feel still... but childhood trauma is very different. Honestly, if you wanted to even try and go back to what you felt as a child, you would have to resort to drawing images, with crayons, as that is one very effective method to identify patterns, which is how a child brain functions best (images).

...but what about until then?

Just do your best until your emotions begin healing... that is all that is reasonably expected of you. Don't add undue pressure upon yourself, only making your own self work that much harder.

I will work on that. It just sucks, I'm a grown ass woman, yet I need to look up emotions and what they mean in order to even know what I'm feeling.....it makes me realize just how damaging a bad childhood can be. Is it actual brain damage?

Try adult trauma... ie. mine being a veteran. I had to do the same thing, because I quite honestly couldn't assimilate what I felt with what was going on in my head, because it felt like a massive screwed up mess. And it was... rightfully exactly that. The point is to start somewhere... and progressively work your way through it... not solve it all at once, which is impossible.

Chip away... nothing more. You just always start at whatever your brain / emotions is telling you is the worst at any given time, as it will change as you progress.

 

[jadebear]

You have a way of making everything sound so simple and logical. It really helps, especially since things feel so complicated and jumbled in my head. Thanks.

 

[WonderingWhy]

You have a way of making everything sound so simple and logical. .

"Simple" :thinking: maybe?

"Easy" ? :no: No Way!!!!!:lmao:

 

[jadebear]

Remember that this is "our year", and we are in it together :)

I haven't forgotten....this is our year...