Childhood If You Had A Normal Family...

[JessNoOne]

Who would your parents have been in their lives?

If my parents weren't groomed to be the abusers that they were, my mother would have likely done something with animals. I knew she had a real passion for horses. If her own sickness hadn't gotten in the way, I could have seen her possibly continuing to ride horses and competing and caring for them, maybe giving lessons... having a farm with horses. I could also see her as a nurse too. She dropped out of school with only one month left to get her degree. Somewhere deep inside of her, she did have compassion, but the evil inside of her completely devoured it.
My father would have been at home with his family more... he really did want a family but his own low self esteem from his bully father made him constantly sabotage that. I also don't think he would have been in to sports at all or tried to force his reluctant, disinterested sons into sports because he saw it as a beacon of masculinity. He really loved reading and was a really creative man. I think he would have pursued the arts, instead of the sciences, if he really felt he had a choice. I originally wanted to pursue the arts, but he discouraged me because he told me, "there's no money to be made in that field." For a man who was always creating something in his spare time, I can't help but think he wonders what could have been.

Do you ever think about that? What they would have been capable of? Who they really were deep in their souls... Who they were supposed to be had they had the self awareness, courage and integrity to stop the cycle of abuse that wove itself into the fabric of your own family.

 

[Bluemoonwillow]

My father is a Vietnam vet, prone to horrible flashbacks that he acts out violently and doesn't remember. Made worse when he has been drinking hard alcohol. I have often wondered what he would have been like if he hadn't gone. My mother came from a household where grandma was regularly admitted into mental health for " nervous breakdown" when my grandparents were together this means mom took over the mother role to my aunt and uncles, when my grandparents divorced this means they were put into foster care where the boys were separated from the girls, and were neglected and often starved as kids.
Both my parents drink, and I believe suffer from their own brand of mental
Illness, which was often taken out on myself and especially my brother. I think if this hadn't happened my mother would have been a caregiver, or a teacher. She has a lot of knowledgeocked in her head

 

[Bluemoonwillow]

To finish sorry hit the wrong button. My father would have been a writer, or an architect. He was writing a story once and I didn't know he was so eloquent. Of course if they hadn't gone through their brand of crap, they probably would never have met and gotten together, so then I wouldn't be here, which when I was young would have been a blessing, but not so much now.

 

[JessNoOne]

I never thought about that... whether or not my parent's would have gotten together had their sicknesses not complimented one another's. But hypothetically... it's nice to fantasize about the people they could have been and I'd like to still imagine I would have been in the picture... with normal, stable parents, doing what they really loved, not consumed by their neuroses.

It's really pretty sad though... what this type of trauma can do to families... and even your parents were victims of it (NO excuse for their behavior) but still, imagine they still had you and your father was a writing novels and your mother was a nurse. How cool would that have been? It's awful to think that that was taken from them... and you!

 

[Fadeaway]

I don't know what my mother would have been. It is hard for me to see any positive in her. I would like to belive that my mother would have wanted to be a good mother, but I can't even picture her face and someone doing motherly things together in the same mental image.

 

[sugnim]

This is a really interesting question. My mother was severely abused while she was growing up, and I honestly have no idea who she would be if she wasn't so messed up from all of that. I kind of only know her as her mental illnesses and lack of education, not necessarily as a whole person. My father is an illegal immigrant from Mexico who was also abused as a child. He left when I was 2 after abusing my mother and 2 older siblings. I don't know him, but I know he owns a business and likes dogs. My step-father is deceased, and growing up with him, I was not allowed to get to know him. He did not ever want me to speak, and mostly insisted that I stay either in my room or the garage when I was home. I only know very superficial things about him, though I wish I knew more.

I can't say who my parents would be if they were normal, but I do often wish I had a normal family. When I hear other people talking about getting together with their parents at the holidays, or calling them up for advice, I feel jealous and very embarrassed about my own family. Mostly, I'm trying to figure out who I would like to be without my own issues, and try to present that to my wife & son so that hopefully, they don't have to ask this question later on.