Poll If You Repressed/suppressed Your Trauma, What Triggered Your Memories To Return?

[Mogwai]

When I drink alcohol the trauma rushes to the forefront of my brain. It got so bad that I had to quit drinking altogether.

 

[Wanda]

Welcome Magwai, you are in an awesome for that will allow you to have great support!

 

[nimkekaa]

Mine came back in different stages of my live. The SA from my uncle started in about grade 8 when other kids were starting to date and kiss.

Then I had some memories when my daughter hit the age I was when things happened to me but I didn`t realize it was a flashback at that time.

Then when an other uncle of mine died and the uncle that abused me tried to step in and be there for his kids I started telling people what happened to me. This is when my brother and sister started telling me what happened to them and that triggered more memories.

Some of come back with no real trigger but my T and I think it was because I was in a safe place in my life. I have a very supportive and loving hubby and hadn`t had any contact with my parents for a couple years. So I guess you can say that feeling safe for the first time in my life was the trigger.

After that it has been just working on things in therapy or reading people`s diaries on this forum has triggered some memories for me.

 

[nie]

I ran into my rapist at a wedding reception.

 

[Capt3]

Therapy for one incident brought up a bunch of others. Later on, one incident (probably the first one) came back due to media coverage of a somewhat similar event.

 

[therapybankrupt]

Divorce and the astrangement of my children! The children thing almost took me.

 

[Harry M.]

My Dad dying and the inability to help and further verbal abuse led to panic attacks on the freeway 9 months later, which then led to a therapist to whom I disclosed I was raped when I was 25. In our PTSD group, I heard many times that a car accident brought up a child molestation among many members.

 

[therapybankrupt]

More repressed memories showed their ugly heads when I started my EMDR.

 

[Britt.f7]

I chose other because sex was the trigger for me and still is. That is the worst one.

 

[SweetPeaandSunBird]

A sexual assault in my late twenties, followed by an EMDR session

 

[CKing]

Mine came back six months ago. I think what triggered it was that a few months before my recall I had asked my aunt to tell me exactly who was at my house when I was four because I knew it couldn't have been my Dad and the memory had always confused me. She told me it had been my Mom's ex-boyfriend who used to beat her. Months later while I was talking to my boyfriend about my childhood I remembered a small event that I never remembered before and started to tell him. When I got to the part about the guy at my house being my Mom's ex it was like suddenly everything exploded. I felt really bad for my boyfriend because it was like I was reliving my whole childhood before I was five and he didn't know what to do. Then I started to remember things that I had forgotten after five and I realized how much my mind has kept from me so I could cope. Even some adult memories came back that I didn't know were gone. It felt like I had been my own con-artist.

Most important of all was the memory of how and when I let my memories go. At four years old I realized while my Mom was beating me that if I just forgot about loving my Grandma then maybe my Mom would stop hurting me. I can still see the blackness I saw then. I don't know if I was at the point of passing out or what but I remember everything being black and inside the blackness was a little blue worm like light moving around. I knew if I let that light fly away then I would forget my Grandma and my Mom would stop hitting me. I almost did it then but I loved my Grandma very much. She had been raising me most of my life up to then and I didn't want to hurt her, so instead I mentally refused to let go. I remember opening my eyes and fighting back like I always did. That was the last night Mom hurt me that badly. Thankfully my mind won't let me remember everything that was done to me but I do remember being "saved". Unfortunately, my Uncle believed my Mom when she cried and said she needed help so he didn't call the police. I don't know what he made her do but I know she went away for a little bit and I got to go back to my Grandma for a while. When Mom came back my Grandma moved in with us to make sure it never happened again and when she saw my Mom getting angry again she asked me to pretend that I didn't love her (Grandma). I told her that I knew I could forget but I was afraid it would hurt her feelings. I remember seeing that little blue worm-like light in the black again and telling her that I didn't want to forget. Now that I remember this I know that my Grandma was only asking me to pretend not to love her so much but I didn't know that then. When she cried and told me to please do it because she didn't want my Mom to hurt me again I said I would and true to my word I let the blue light fly away.

I was five when that happened and from then on I forgot everything traumatizing either completely or to some degree. For example: I always remembered being molested by my Aunt's husband at age 7 but I could never figure out why I couldn't remember all of it. Regretably, I remember it now.
Growing up I always wondered why I only remembered small bits of things before I was five. It was almost all gone and I didn't know why.

I could go on for days about all of this. It's all so recent and when I think the memories are done another one appears out of nowhere. I'm seeking counseling now to help me sort through it all so I can start to heal. I don't know if everyone with recovered memories feels this way but I admit to being terrified that my mind will let it all go again or will continue to block things that happen to me in the future. I don't ever want to feel that flood again. What I did remember up to six months ago was bad enough without adding all of this to it.

 

[Changing4Best]

I had to say Not Applicable. I was in my mid to late 40s when therapy for other things in my life like depression and Bi-Polar brought it to light one day. I had no clue before that! I was being regressed and BAMMM I ran right smack into it full force! I went crazy with anger, throwing things, screaming...!!! I was totally shocked. The therapy question had to do with my molester/ abuser, something like, "What did your grandfather do to you?".

I replied, "He raped me." unemotionally. Totally unbelieving what I had just said, feeling a bit shocked I'd said it. The therapist dug a bit and I recalled it. It was awful, as I was only 6 months old and he was doing it with his fingers to me. He brought other men too, but that was later...