Relationship I'm Damaged, Confused, And Extremely Hurt! Any Insight Please??!?!!!

[She_She worries]

I’ve been left feeling damaged, confused, and broken hearted for the past couple weeks. I was in a relationship with a man diagnosed with PTSD and depression. He was diagnosed shortly after a traumatic incident in 2005 after being shot multiple times.

Ever since this incident, he feels scarred and paranoid. I didn't understand the seriousness of his condition until our relationship progressed. We've only been together for a short period of time. Our relationship started in January 2013. I didn't want to push for anything, but chose to follow after his lead. Things became serious and the “I love you’s” “I miss you’s” were flowing. This was a long distance relationship. On top of that, he is a father to 2 children. I also quickly learned that he was feeling conflicted about his career choice and was seeking to relocate to FL.

We experienced a dry spell where he stopped calling me and was slow to respond to my text messages. After talking about what my expectations were as far as communication goes, we got back on track. However, for the past several weeks he started to act the same way again. I know that he started attending therapy, but everything else I was in the dark about. He barely communicated with me and every time we planned to see each other I felt like there were excuses he was making up to get out of the plans. Then what suddenly happened was one day we were texting sweet things to each other and then the next day he was completely mute to me.

I didn't understand what happened because there wasn't an argument that could've caused him to behave like that to me. I noticed that he was being responsive on Facebook and posting statuses, but he absolutely refused to say anything to me. He was mute for the next couple days and finally I couldn't take it any more. I decided to break up with him via text message since he wasn't taking any of my calls. Despite me breaking up with him, he refuses to say anything back. I didn't even a phone call.

I’m so hurt, upset, and confused. I've been supportive of this man and his goals, and for him to just dispose of me without warning and without an explanation has left me feeling damaged with a whole bunch of unanswered questions. I wonder if this is PTSD? Or could this simply be a case of him losing interest in me and finding another woman? Does anyone have any insight about this?

I would appreciate any input, because this problem has officially taken over all my thoughts.

 

[Springer80]

Hi, I'm a sufferer. I would say 99.99% it's PTSD. It's not you and in a way it's not even him, he can't control it. It is serious and it has/will change him. You say he's paranoid but he did actually get shot. People said I was paranoid but paranoia is unfounded. Serious trauma alters a person, physiologically, emotionally, personally, it changes you goals, values, ideals, religious beliefs etc.

Don't be hard on yourself. Don't be too hard on him either but some things only become manageable with time.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm a sufferer as well.

You'll get a lot of support for your post, but I want to say that you should look at other threads by supporters as well. I have a feeling you'll see just how common this behavior is, and perhaps gain a bit of insight from the stories of other supporters.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[amethist]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

I have read your post and it seems to me that the stress of a relationship caused by his PTSD got the better of him.

It is not easy for some with PTSD to be in a relationship, no matter how good it is, it is too much for their PTSD mind to cope with.

It is not easy to explain, but maybe reading the link below will help.

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/[/DLMURL]

Hard as it may be, you may have to let this one go, without blaming any one for the break down.

If he was also trying to sort his career out, this added stress could have just tipped him over the edge and the easiest one to let go was the relationship. Plus his 2 children who will come before anything else, you had a bit of a mine field to wade through.

Try and take good care of yourself, go out with friends, but above all, don't beat yourself up over something that was way beyond your control.

 

[Elric]

I feel that I can relate to certain aspects of your post so much. I am (or was?) also in a fairly new long distance relationship with a woman suffering from rr-ptsd. Our relationship started in the beginning of February, although we had been occasionally corresponding long before that. She flew out to see me the second week of March for four incredible days. We had such an amazing connection! During that time and after she left we enthusiastically planned our whole future together- marriage, kids, everything. I had never felt so loved and for the first time in over a decade, I had hope for a truly happy future.

Then, on March 26 she began her first episode during our time as a couple. Within a few days, she completely changed and I have seen no trace of the woman I fell in love with since that time. Now, a month later, we still haven't talked on the phone and it has been two weeks since I've received a text from her, nor has she responded to any of mine. She is quite active on Facebook, but not with me.

The heartbreak has been so intense that it has greatly affected my health, both mentally and physically. My appetite has disappeared and I've lost a great deal of weight. (I guess the upside of this, is that I actually look pretty fit now.) I've arranged to see a therapist next week. For my own sanity, I'm currently trying to avoid looking at her Facebook page because she still enthusiastically interacts with her friends, who are mostly male and clearly interested in her.

In truth, I don't know if I have a girlfriend anymore. I certainly don't feel like I have one. :-(

Anyway, I've detailed more of my experience in the "Supporter Dealing With PTSD Symptoms" section in a thread called "Is it normal for the sufferer to isolate themselves from just you and not friends."

 

[JessMar0126]

Eric, I am in the exact same boat. March 18th was the day mine started.

Hang in there! I am trying too!

 

[nursenurse]

Welcome to the forum, lots of support here.

Here's the thing: you guys have only been seeing each other since January, in a long distance relationship, and you are already proclaiming the "I love yous." In any relationship, PTSD or not, this is inviting trouble. How much do you really know about each other? He's shared his PTSD, but how much else has he shared? How much can you really share that is best delivered by the old fashioned method of time? How much did you get to know about PTSD?

He may be isolating because of the PTSD, he may be running because the commitment thing scares the crap out of him. PTSD can only heighten these feelings for him. He may just not be that into you. It all ends up being hurtful, and I am so sorry about that for you. Let him be, if it was meant to be, he will find you again. In the meantime, do not wait around, as in any other broken relationship. Get out, go out, travel, dinner with friends, whatever it takes to make you the priority. Ignorance sucks big time, which is what he is doing to you. It is just plain bad behaviour. Move on, chalk it up to experience, and enjoy life as you are meant to.

 

[madmax]

There are a lot of fish in the sea! Just don't catch one with a old hook stuck in it's gill.

Madmax

 

[Abandoned]

Find my post... Broken hearted and helpless.

You'll see what I went through, and I'm just starting to feel ok 6 weeks later. I feel like its been two years, but everything will be ok.

They push you away, and there's nothing you can possibly do to get it back. Nothing. You have to let him be and move on. It's the only answer.

 

[Bilby]

It sounds like your relationship moved very fast. That's ok - I know that happens sometimes.

In terms of him cutting communication with you - it's difficult, as you broke up with him, and perhaps he isn't acknowledging you because of that? Alternatively, it could just be plain old bad behaviour. PTSD can explain some things, but not just plain rudeness. There's never any excuse for that.

As difficult as it is, and I'm guessing you're feeling really beside yourself at the moment, is to try to let this go and focus on yourself, and what you need. If he initiates some contact with you, then cross that bridge when you come to it. But for now, try to focus on yourself and doing things that are important to you, who you are, and what you enjoy doing with yourself.

Take care,

B x

 

[She_She worries]

Thank you all so much for your responses. I'm considering everything each of you has to say. The funny thing is that I already know these things. I know I need to move on, I know if it is meant to be it will come back, I know I need not blame myself, however because I don't have the closure to this relationship it's been plaguing my mind.

It's such a fresh wound and I need to take some time to get over it. I look forward to moving on and very open to dating again, but for the right now I'm very much brokenhearted about this. What I want to do is start fousing again on the things that make me happy, such as hanging out with friends.

I'm so glad I can relate to some of you and likewise you relate to me about having a relationship with someone diagnosed with this condition.

 

[amethist]

such as hanging out with friends

That's one of the best pieces of advice any one of us could give you.

Friends will always be there, where a love can walk away at any time.

Put your self first while you heal from this, and while we may not be able to give you the answers your looking for, we can support you through the pain.