I'm losing time today...

[SeekingAfrica]

I find myself completely spacing out. I'm stressed/ afraid over something that I am waiting on, that should happen within 24h hours. And I am finding myself frozen. I am also having few days without work between projects. Of course there are zillion other things I could be doing and usually do between projects (looking for more work, side work, chores etc etc). But this seems to have hit me hard.

I made a list of what I plan to do today, and next thing I know I found myself staring at a computer screen for 2 h without doing anything. I took hot shower to bring down that feeling(whenever I'm triggered I get super cold). It help for a bit and I was planning to cook lunch and then do things- next thing I know another hour has passed with me thinking about things and trying to more through that feeling.

On one hand, I am probably lucky for this to happen on a day when I don't have super important deadlines. On the other hand I think that knowing I have a deadline may have probably kept me more grounded. And it's different than me setting the schedule. Anyway...I just needed to vent, I keep spacing out today, afraid of this one thing and I get completely disfunctional. Some days coping skills help, but every once in a while I still have a day like that. I think when I first got PTSD I had a whole autumn like that(to be fair, I still had no clue what PTSD was and thought I was going crazy)...but honestly I don't know how I've ever gone through large periods like this. Now it's just a day and it feels horrible. I am trying to calm myself by thinking that a. I still have my todo list and I can still turn the day around and b. even if I don't manage it's the kind of day that won't have too much negative impact on anything. But it's still hard. I try to do things and I space out, I can't concentrate on anything else. I start threads in the forum, write something long, and delete it before posting...I just... I don't know, I'm trying to break this fog of feeling like my whole being depends on this one thing(I'm also trying to change how I feel by doing DBT and CBT exercises on decatastrophizing...they help a little, but not a lot.)

I've been doing so much better and I know that one morning or one day doesn't erase that. But I just needed to vent...

 

[KimmyO]

Hi there, I completely understand and it is frustrating and disabling. I found that many are taking magnesium to calm the heart mind and body and ginseng to get rid of sticky negative thoughts that loop and drain us. They are helping me out a lot too! magnesium malate is the best for bio availability tho and won't give diarrhea. Hoping this helps you too! It def has helped many! Best to you, give yourself grace. Somedays it's good to just veg out. Take it easy. =)