I'm Quitting Relationships.

[arcc14]

I'm done. I can't do it. I tried to be so open this time. I tried to tell him why I was weird about certain things instead of just being weird like in previous relationships. I really hate myself for telling him about anything. I really, really hate myself. And I don't know what to do. I just know I'm going to stay by myself forever now. As much as I hate being alone, I can't be with someone else. I'm not ever going to be okay enough for a relationship. I quit.

 

[Lionheart]

I understand your frustration and it seems to me that this guy was a jerk who couldn't handle the truth. I have been single for years because I would rather be alone than to be in a bad relationship. I was told by a therapist that approximately 50% of all relationships end, so I would not beat myself up about it if a relationship doesn't work out. I hope that in the future you will find a more understanding guy who can love you and give you emotional support.

 

[IvyMillie]

Yes, I'm sorry. It's especially frustrating when you really put alot of energy and effort into something and it doesn't work out. It seems to me that it's about finding the right person though. We all bring imperfections and problems into a relationship, but it's about finding someone who has those faults we can deal with.

Maybe, finding someone who understands how you feel, someone who has more depth of understanding. However, it is hard to find the right person. Sometimes we look for the wrong things in people. However, please don't be down on yourself because of it.

You could maybe just take a break from entering into a relationship. Do some things you like to do, enjoy your bit of freedom. Sometimes if you aren't looking and are happy with yourself the right person will come along.

Relationships are pretty complicated and who is attracted to us and who we are attracted to can sometimes even be different. I don't think anyone has any of the answers.

Our worth isn't based on whether we have someone in our life. Our worth is based on the kind of person we are, and it sounds like you really have been working on yourself--and that's commendable. We all have to keep doing that--even if it's a struggle.

When I was single someone told me that if you aren't happy single you wouldn't be happy married. I took those words to heart and really tried to be a happier person. I think that has helped me alot in my marriage, because I came into the marriage as a person who really knew myself and tried to be happy.

If you can try to enjoy single life. I know it's very lonely. However, if you can stay busy, have friends, and try to help others when you can. I did alot of volunteer work and that was very satisfying.

In time the right person will come along who will love you for you. Meanwhile, I hope you can try and find some comfort in knowing that you are a worthy person on your own.

 

[Sandra]

After my husband passed away over 21 years ago I chose to stay alone then. Yes it was the right decision as I have an extremely hard time trusting again after what I went through with my late husband. He was an alcoholic and was very verbally abusive with me. After many differences we had with many issues including his heavy drinking I filed for a divorce. He didn't and couldn't face another divorce so he chose to end his life by hanging himself. Needless to say he was deffinately Mr. Wrong. We were only married 3 years, 3 years too long. I am just glad we never had children the way things turned out.

 

[KK3966]

I've had horrible relationships, and I can't trust ppl. I mean some horrible, lying, self serving men. Nothing worse than when you bare your soul to someone that never deserved to know a thing about you. I basically stopped dating for 6 years. Could not take the pain. I don't have ptsd, my bf of 6 months does. I have a horrible time trusting anyone...but if he is truly what he appears to be (& I believe he is!)... there's hope for everyone! Don't get me wrong, I'm still scared. He's honest & loyal. Two things I've NEVER had. On the flip side, my bf says I'm understanding and caring. And he's never been involved w/anyone who cared about his problems. So I still have hope. For me, I think it is about finding the right person. Where you love each other enough to put up w/each other's crap. :) I hope you don't give up, don't let the jerks get you down, and hope you can find the right one.

 

[stuff]

The initial post could have been something I wrote yesterday. I don't even know why I bother trying. I either disclose too much, or nothing at all, and in either case I ruin everything. I met this amazing guy and all I do is get weird on him and then try to apologize and make things worse. He's lovely, and I feel like I will ruin his life. I want to let people in to know who I am, but at the same time, I don't want to because then they get weird about all my stupid, awful history and don't treat me like a normal person. I feel like there's so much that it all becomes about my damage, when I didn't want that kind of attention in the first place. I just want to share the present, without having someone feel sorry for me, but they can't understand the why and who of me without knowing about the past. I have a lot to give to another person but my past keeps tearing it all away. The ups and downs of attempting to date are brutal for me. I can't take it. I've been thinking about stopping altogether as well.

 

[Jacquie]

OOOhhhhhhh. So you had to work at it so hard and almost kill yourself trying to MAKE it work huh? (rolls eyes and whistles)

Not every 'dating' is going to become a 'relationship'. And if you have work so hard to keep it together.....is that what you want for the rest of your life? Honey I'd be glad that one was over.

You cant make a circle fit a triangle. Be you, 100% you, and watch 99% of people NOT fit. And thats very normal and very ok. But the 1% who love you just how you really are, are gonna love it and stick around ;)

 

[KK3966]

I agree.. gotta be you. My boyfriend said the same thing at first. He was a little apprehensive about us going from dating to a relationship, because as he put it, he didn't want to ruin our lives. He's not shy about putting it all out there. He was in a pretty bad place when we first started talking, and he told me everything. When I look back at it now, I think he was trying to put it all out there--thinking I couldn't handle the truth & would run away. I agree, it's a lot to handle. But, I am here because I love him. He is an amazing person. I love him for him, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. And I'm very lucky in that I am able to talk to him about things, and he is willing to work on his PTSD. You will find that person some day, too.