Impending Doom

[Healing Survivor]

I know there was a poll about this a few years back and I looked at it, but I'm still wondering if it's normal to feel like you're going to die soon. I've always had the sense that I wouldn't make it to a certain age. When I was in elementary school, I didn't think I'd live to see Jr. High, etc. I guess I've been feeling like it's worse than usual lately because I'm getting some stuff organized and it makes me feel like I'm preparing to die or whatever. Maybe it's an OCD thing...man, I don't know. Can anyone relate to this?? What is this??

 

[Tiger Kitten]

I can totally relate. It's the ptsd. Not sure why it happens. Maybe because of the way time relates to memories or something, and since our brains spend time in the past it seems like there can't be a future???? I haven't really thought too much about that. Am having a hard enough time dealing with yesterday and today..... tomorrow will just have to take care of itself. Sorry am not much help right now. I just wanted to let you know I can totally relate.

Tiger

 

[reallydown]

I can relate to this too...and it has seriously messed with me...to the point where I can't plan anything because I'm convinced I'll die so there's no point. It's the ptsd. In my case...I guess it was because people were being killed all the time...it just seemed natural that I'd go before my time, so to speak. I can't even count the number of times I've pictured my funeral...or how I die(d)...etc. I don't know...Sorry...this is probably not too helpful. Just know, you're not alone.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think for me, it might come from so many close calls, and feeling so lousy with stress, and knowing the (increased) 'risk' of suicide, and most of all, not being able to live in the present- I mean really "live".

-Also not feeling 'entitled' to a future, maybe?

Plus, have kind of 'lousy family genes', lol.

 

[This Ends Now]

Healing Survivor,

I am of the nature to age, I have not gone beyond decay.
I am of the nature to be diseased, I have not gone beyond disease.
I am of the nature to die, I have not gone beyond death.
All that is mine dear and delightful will change and vanish.
I am the owner of my actions... heir to my actions, whatever actions I will choose, weather good or evil, of that I shall be the heir.

Not sure if that can help any of you, but it helps me. If I accept death as an absolute fact of life I feel less isolated by the feeling of impending doom. We are all in the same boat... we might as well do what we can with the time we have.

There is a movie by Akira Kurasawa called "Ikiru" or "To Live" about a man who does not truly live until he is diagnosed with cancer and knows he is about to die. Suddenly the petty pursuits of money and status seem to fall away and the experience and opportunity of life comes into focus.

I wish you all the best,

Liz H.

 

[Dylan]

A sense of a foreshortened future is in the list of symptoms for PTSD. Strangely, it's not in the list for CPTSD, but I think it's common enough there, as well (at least I have had that, and others here who have CPTSD have spoken of it).

I think this comes from coming close (or perceiving I was close) to death; if it happened once, it'll probably happen again and this time I won't survive or will be overwhelmed to the point of annihilation.

I have the sense of impending doom when anxious and am unsure of the cause of the trigger; if I don't feel in control of my symptoms (particularly anxiety) it comes on very strong...just a general sense of un-safety and something looming and dangerous coming on.

I think this aspect comes from knowing I wasn't able to protect myself before, and what will I do this next time? Same annihilation fear, I think. In a book I read the term "survival panic" and that hit home for me.

-Dylan

 

[Manic11]

I definitely know that feeling. I've always had that feeling. When I look into the future, its maybe a month down the road. That's about it. If someone mentions 'when I am their age' (such as 50 or so) I can't picture myself at that age. It just doesn't exist.
I can't even picture myself a couple years from now... It's just not there...

Manic

 

[NarcSis]

I'm familiar with the 'sense of impending doom' only because I have seen it in my patients eyes - some just know and accept it, others fear it but don't fight. Others you can see know death is near yet fight to deny it, those are the hard ones and there are yet others who wish for it and cry out that they are going to die, when in fact it is not their time. We go when it is our time, nothing has taught me this more than my job, there is really no sense in hurrying it along, it will come to us when it is ready.
I have no fear of death, I simply fear the unpredictability of it.

 

[kers]

Can anyone relate to this?? What is this??

One of the avoidance criteria of PTSD is a sense of foreshortened future.

 

[the racha]

Hi-- this is quite common. It really hurt a lot of my relationships, as I figured I was going to die soon anyway-- or that the relationship would die at some point-- I was really big into breaking-up multiple times with people that I truly loved.

I used to think I would die before I was 16, and ever since it's been a challenge not to think this way but I do manage to do that sometimes.

 

[reallydown]

Just to add to what the racha said re relationships. This has messed with my head to the point where I don't even want to get into a relationship because...there's no point when I'm gonna be dead soon. And yes, it's very hard to keep even friendships going because nothing seems to matter much. I also didn't think I'd mak eit to 16...le talone my current age...In a twisted way, it's as if I've lived longer than I thought I would anyway...I'm in bonus land so really it's more than enough...