Supporter In A State Of Confusion...

[TwyFam]

Hi my name is Fam. I live in Sacramento, CA and I am 24 years old. Just found this forum and really need some advice about PTSD through sufferers/supporters and how they feel on their end. My boyfriend or "ex" boyfriend was just diagnosed with PTSD and severe depression. I'm really confused and don't know how to cope with my situation.

My boyfriend of two years just returned a week ago from Afghanistan and I still haven't seen him. We made plans but before we could hang out, he was diagnosed with PTSD and severe depression. He sent me a text explaining it all, told me I was an amazing girl and that he needs to fix himself and broke up with me and wants no contact until he is ready.

We were fine when he was deployed...we facetimed everyday or when he could and he was very normal. 2 weeks before he came back I didn't really hear from him but he texted me about a gruesome explosion and that was it. He came back sounding monotoned over the phone. I knew he wasn't okay when I heard his voice... He is now isolating himself from me. Not talking to me, totally cutting me off.

I messaged him once on facebook asking if it was okay that I come over on Friday to visit his family and see him - though I know he's not up for any type of interaction I still just wanted to see his face and know he's okay after 9 months. But no answer though it said he seen it already. We usually talk on the phone when we can, and fall asleep on the phone together.

I really want to know how he feels and why he is pushing me away when we both love each other so much. Prior to this we rarely had problems and were happy together. He is like a changed man now and idk if I can get through go him. Please help me with this because I can't stop crying knowing he's in need of help and I can't do anything about it! Don't want to lose the love of my life!

- Fam

 

[myvetswife]

Hello Fam.

Come down the supporters section. You will find he is acting "normal". I know it is very hard, that he is isolating himself. To support a loved one who has PTSD you will have to get a very thick skin.

 

[TwyFam]

@myvetswife, will do thanks :)

 

[intothelight]

Hi Fam,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

The Supporters section is a great place for information and support for yourself. Unfortunately, what you described is very similar to the experience of other members who have a significant other with combat PTSD. The good news is your boyfriend is seeking help and I hope the support here will help you navigate this difficult time.

Wishing you the best.

Debbie

 

[TwyFam]

Thank you Miss Debbie.

 

[discarded]

Welcome TwyFam. Just as intothelight said, it is great that he has been diagnosed and is getting help so quickly on his return from Afghanistan. Many take years to even admit they have a problem. You really do need to leave him in the hands of those who can help him and when he is ready he will make contact. It might take a while though. In the meantime take care of yourself, read some of the stories on here and ask as many questions as you need. Good luck and be patient.

 

[falasong]

Fam,

Thank you for not giving up on him. Trust him when he says that he has to fix himself, he is already half way there. I am new to this site, and I hope I am not overstepping any boundaries within this forum as I am the one with PTSD. I cannot fathom the difficulty of being the innocent loved one learning to adjust, be supportive and strong, yet trying to cope with with changes you had no control over. Many people find this to be an unreasonable and unfair expectation, and I for one no longer blame them. At least I had the opportunity to understand what was broken, and the option to fix it.

You were not the one to break him, or damage him, and his distance is his way of not taking it out on you. I did not have his foresight, and I alienated my loved ones. I didn't know how to be around my family when I got out of the military. I couldn't really remember who I was before, at least not without effort, and it took all of my energy just to hold it together in public, and I wasn't all that successful at that either. No one else could have fixed me, there were those who tried, but I felt rushed or bullied, or just hopelessly inadequate. I was lucky to find a few unexpected cheerleaders who told me that I had all the pieces I needed to put me back together. I may be a little broken, but I had the tools to find my way to who I had become, not who I was before or who I, or anyone else, thought I should be.

I read this story in high school, but didn't understand it until I got out of the service. Maybe it can help fill in some of the question marks for you.

falasong

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[Brad1980]

Welcome,
Your boyfriend is a lucky man. As a sufferer I know I kept myself isolated from the people I loved because I did to hurt them. I retreated to my own world. He is getting therapy and that is a good thing. Give him some space and continue to let know you care.
Peace

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome. :)

 

[TwyFam]

Thank you so much everyone... So helpful and I am thankful for all of you... Wish I can meet you all and just give you guys a hug... Cause I totally need one right now...

 

[myvetswife]

((TwyFam))