I journal and write things in the form of poetry and prose. I'm posting a recent journal entry because it says it all.
American Soldier
August 22, 2015
I'm in love with an American Soldier. I don't know if I have the strength for this path. I can't let go and I won't listen to reason, that this will be hard and an unusual walk.
He pushes me away, then holds me close even stronger. I become lost in his physical embrace. I won't let go, because I can't and don't want to. I must have patience to understand when he needs his space.
He says he has no business being in a relationship. He may be right, but I see through his facade. He needs to be held, to have the ear of a listener, and I fall in because it's all I can do.
I listen to his demons and I love that he's chosen me as the one he can tell them to. He looks at my face expecting fear and distain, but all I feel is admiration and my heart grows fonder for the depth to which he feels.
I see a man so caring and that feels so deeply. The things asked of him have taken a toll on his self worth. A conflict he lives with every minute of life. The man he was, ideals, belief and intentions, those values that caused him to enlist, those same values now cause him to question everything he ever did. His quest for excellence and to be the defender of peace, the honorable man, a respected soldier, resulted in taking actions against his moral, actions he can't leave in the past.
This passionate man. I love him.
American Soldier
August 22, 2015
I'm in love with an American Soldier. I don't know if I have the strength for this path. I can't let go and I won't listen to reason, that this will be hard and an unusual walk.
He pushes me away, then holds me close even stronger. I become lost in his physical embrace. I won't let go, because I can't and don't want to. I must have patience to understand when he needs his space.
He says he has no business being in a relationship. He may be right, but I see through his facade. He needs to be held, to have the ear of a listener, and I fall in because it's all I can do.
I listen to his demons and I love that he's chosen me as the one he can tell them to. He looks at my face expecting fear and distain, but all I feel is admiration and my heart grows fonder for the depth to which he feels.
I see a man so caring and that feels so deeply. The things asked of him have taken a toll on his self worth. A conflict he lives with every minute of life. The man he was, ideals, belief and intentions, those values that caused him to enlist, those same values now cause him to question everything he ever did. His quest for excellence and to be the defender of peace, the honorable man, a respected soldier, resulted in taking actions against his moral, actions he can't leave in the past.
This passionate man. I love him.
