Indecisive About Career Change....

[ms spock]

I don't even have a relationship

Having a relationship has nothing to do with having a career. Lots of people on this forum don't have relationship. There are some people with severe attachment disorders who have never had a relationship or even a friendship.

You list those things to beat yourself up. So you add all these things like and this and that and this to beat yourself up. I have done it a lot myself, so I am not judging you but I am suggesting that this is not helpful for you to do at this time.

 

[ms spock]

I've been crying for the past 30mins because i feel like a failure and stuck.

I have got stuck in these through cascades regularly so I have compassion for you - however if you keep beating yourself up - that is a sure way to be feeling like this two years henceforth.

Do you want to feel like this in two years? If you don't then keep on with these types of self talk and these types of thinking patterns.

If you don't want to be feeling and thinking like this in two years then you have to ask yourself - "What am I prepared to do to change my self and the way I relate to myself and the way I relate to other people?"

If you are not prepared to do anything then you are not prepared to do something to change your life and yes if you do that you will be stuck in this place in two years.

But you have a choice.

You can choose to do things that will change your life. You have to do them. No one else can do it for you.

You can flip a coin about your career choice - seriously getting out here and doing anything is better than endlessly cycling around in thought cascades and self torture. You got taught these things as a child - I have them too. I have to work on them each and every day. It is hard work. But doing them is changing my life. It is what I am actually prepared to do to change my life. The only person that can make those changes in your life is yourself.

Is it unfair that you have to work hard to get your life together. Yes it is, but if you focus on that you will waste another two years. I have done this, and it was not a productive way to spend my time.

Unfortunately you have to do it. I left you a list of things that you might choose to do. It is your choice.

 

[J_trustno1]

Wow ms spock! I always beat myself up with things i don't have become my relatives and father have always done. I repeat these patterns and end up running after things i don't have so I won't have to hear from them because I've achieved it :(.

 

[ms spock]

So write down your family messages - so you can see them - clearly away from your mind. Otherwise you just keep recycling them.

 

[ms spock]

And if you are going to go in to a business degree I would suggest getting a job in retail like Woolworth's and working your way up to management - it means you are gainfully employed and you are learning the ropes. People who do management without floor shop experience are never that good at management as those people who actually really understand how a business works. It doesn't have to be Woollies - just a place that you get people and work experience - with an opportunity for advancement.

I think going to teaching - particularly Science teaching - Science teachers are in big demand in Australia - you can travel and teach at the same time! So many opportunities. But I am training to be a teacher so my suggestion is not neutral and unbiased.

I would suggest that the main thing for you is to do the disputing the distorted cognitions and the DBT to build up distress tolerance @Jass_T.

 

[J_trustno1]

I have worked in retail and supermarkets for over 4 years when i was studying in high school and while at university. So I have done retail work and know how horrible customers are. I've always hated customer services. I never like working at restaurants either (over 6 years experience in that ). I hated how business people operate (i.e.heartless and cold ). Been abused verbally and emotionally when I worked for mum's narcissistic brother as a kid :(.

 

[ms spock]

Well can you find something that means you don't have to do customer service - as in packing at night or some such - do some research and find a niche for yourself that way - that is if you go down the management path or ask someone who knows more than I do about this type of thing - and that would be most people - and find out where you would find an entry level job where you can get experience and aim towards a management position.

 

[ms spock]

But you won't be working for your Mother's narcissistic kid brother in this place of employment - you have to separate out the past from right now - right now if you were in that situation you could walk out.

 

[J_trustno1]

Thanksfor giving me an insight. both of these diploma's give you work experience. So I really need make the decision before entering either of them.

 

[ms spock]

I would suggest that you do each of the below for 30 days each and find out what works for you @Jass_T.

Disputing distorted cognitions
Distress Tolerance aka DBT
Self Compassion
The Mindful Way through Depression
Practice
Set time limits on your ruminations

 

[ms spock]

I would go out there and apply for a job or do a volunteering position for both of these types of jobs. The more you do the more you learn. The sooner you start the sooner you get where you want to go.

Whatever you do @Jass_T it will be hard.

Recovering from PTSD is hard - there are no short cuts or easy answers. You have to do the work, and I have to do the work of recovery. And it is normal for anyone to find choosing a career, studying and getting a job as being hard - that is not a deficit in you - that is just life.

 

[J_trustno1]

Wow, that's a lot of homework but I'm willing to do it. Thanks @Ms Spock for all the love and kindness :hug:s.