Therapist thinks career change is ptsd avoidance, i disagree.

[Stephernovas]

Long story short, I am off work. My trauma that caused me to develop PTSD was during work hours. So, I am covered by insurance to see a psychotherapist. I find I'm currently challenged a little too much. She wants me to start imaginal exposure this week, and I'm declining. She says I'm ready, but I'm immediately riddled with fear and anxiety the second I think about it, or someone suggests we talk about it. The moment we start I will spin into a panic attack - I can guarantee it.

But, besides that point, I have confided in her that I do not have an interest in returning to the same job/position where I had the accident. This role (or any position where I could have education for in the agencies I work all have the requirement of driving). Yes, I currently am avoiding driving right now, but my reservations to begin imaginal exposure, or progress with any exposure is that the end goal is to get me well enough to return to my position.

How do I effectively communicate to my therapist that I did not like my job even before the accident, and this is not just the PTSD avoidance talking like she thinks. I will happily work on getting better at driving with lessened (or hopefully no) fear, but I refuse to work towards something I have no desire to do again. This whole trauma made me realize that I was severely unhappy in my life and was not passionate about my work - I felt like a servant who does the dirty work while everyone else gets to live their lives. I worked hard to become a social worker, but that career is notorious for burn out, and many risks given the high-risk populations we work with. At the end of the day, I don't want to work in a position/field where the likelihood of another life threatening accident/trauma is high (even vicarious trauma - am I not now at a greater risk to basically compound my PTSD by seeing/hearing more trauma). I want to pick a job where driving is NOT a requirement (this was something that bothered me before the accident too - it's just too much stress to manage car maintenance and etc). I worked hard for my degree and my vehicle, now I already have to struggle to manage PTSD, why would I stay in a job that throws it in my face all day? Is that really avoidance like my therapist seems to believe, or is this a huge life change that I didn't listen to until I almost died? Thoughts?

 

[UnicornSightings]

I’m so sorry for your trauma first of all. And I so applaud you for being a social worker. Omg amazing that you’ve been giving back and helping others! That said, I can understand the burnout and the reluctance (or complete disinterest) in returning to that job. At the end of the day, YOU know, more than anyone else, what you need. And if this trauma was a wake up call for you, then holy hell, seize that! What are you considering doing instead of social work? No one can make you do something you so dread now. And no one can make your therapist believe certain things. It doesn’t matter if she does because at the end of the day, if she isn’t doing what you need her to do for you or isn’t really listening to what you want, you have the power to decide she isn’t right for you. Can you try another therapist? Do you like this one otherwise? Is there a way you can be more clear about what you’re feeling (and maybe you have been very clear, I don’t know). I wish you luck as you continue figuring out your journey.

 

[Stephernovas]

Thanks for your response! She is a great therapist, but I am frustrated how she keeps telling me that this is simply me avoiding due to PTSD. I don't know how else to communicate to her that my perspective won't change. I'll gladly work on driving again, but do not want to be forced into the same thing that almost killed me. Actually, even if that is avoidance, is that not a damn good reason? The insurance I am covered until will re-train me if need be, but they are VERY VERRRRY pushy, so the second they get the hint that I'm doing any better they talk about 'back to work'. Only problem with that is, whenever they push, I panic. How many times do I have to panic until they respect my boundaries?

 

[Friday]

I don't know how else to communicate to her that my perspective won't change. I

Stop trying.

Because in however many months, once you've done all the trauma work you need to do, if your perspective hasn't changed, she'll see that. Until then? It's all pretty academic.

 

[Suzetig]

I agree with @Friday, try to separate out the work you need to do to recover and any decision about going back to work - they are two very different things. The exposure therapy to help you recover will bring about anxiety and panic, you're being asked to face something very painful and traumatising. You may or may not become well enough to return to your old job, and if you do become well enough your feelings may not change and you'll look for another role.

At the end of the day it's not your Ts job to get you back to work, their job is to help you recover. What you do from there is your choice. If you're sure you don't want to go back it might help to think about what you'd like to do and any training you might need once you're well enough.