Infuriating interaction

[Eliza]

is it possible she wanted to ask you how were doing without being overheard?

I like that interpretation! It's unlikely, but knowing that it's a possibility makes me feel a lot better about the whole interaction. I hate the thought that someone I admire so much and is so intelligent could also be so insensitive!

 

[ladee]

@Eliza , just a question... you don't have to answer or it may not apply at all... granted, what this woman did was totally inappropriate, and invalidating... and I would most certainly be upset with her... but my question is... are you also a little upset with yourself for being so blindsided that you didn't say what you would have like to to her? The only reason I am even bringing this up, is because when something stays on my mind like this, some of my feelings are left adrift because I was blindsided and didn't have an adequate reply...

Like I said, this may not apply at all... one of the many wonderful things about this place, we can take what we need and leave the rest... Hoping it has settled in your mind and feelings some.... it was something so awkward and uncalled for. But glad to see you have not let it take one thing away from your HUGE accomplishments that day...

 

[Eliza]

@ladee - This completely applies! I'm mad at her for saying it, but I'm mad at myself for not calling her out on it. I'm not sure how that conversation would have gone because she's my superior and I wouldn't want to make things awkward in future. But given we were at an event around inclusion and disability, I think it would have been appropriate for her to learn!

 

[ILoveLife]

Devil's advocate here... maybe she was trying to get closer? It's a given that it was innapropriate, but her intentions might've been good. Folks who haven't gone through 10% of what we've been through, usually have no idea how to approach us regarding these subjects. In an attempt to validate how well you are, she ended up inadvertdly invalidating you?

I can see how her way of victimizing you was terrible, I'm not arguing with that. Just mentioning her intentions might've been in a good place.

What did you answer by the way? I don't know how I would've reacted. Maybe say something even more innapropriate just out of spite :alien:

 

[blackemerald1]

I can see the insensitivity of her words and actions.
What would you have preferred? I always get stuck on this myself. Either there is inclusion albeit inappropriate at times and we have a stand off about how included I am going to be allowed or even want to be or, there is overt exclusion which we all probably have experience of.

I think it is a little ironic she (your superior) didn't handle the situation better considering what the actual conference was about.

It goes a long way towards demonstrating that even the most enthusiastic ppl can get it so wrong.

I would not have been able to do what you did btw so congratulations.

 

[ladee]

YES what @blackemerald1 said, Congratulations on handling the situation the way you did !!! It is not my job to interpret what someones intentions are... I can only go by what they say and do.. but even tho it left you with a 'unsaid words hangover', you still handled it perfectly. What can we say to ignorance.... ??? But I do know, for me, I would have to eat least write down everything I could have said, just to get it out of my head !!!!! It's days after the fact, and hope you are feeling less invalidated , because what she did was thoughtless. But at the same time, you are a beautiful example of someone who is healing !!! It may have caught you unprepared, but you DID handle it with Grace...

 

[Eliza]

Thanks guys. I know her intentions were 100% well meant, and everything she said aside from the comment about her expecting me to look bad, was really nice.

I think she could have quite easily kept it at - "I'm really glad you felt able to come. It's great to see you. You look well."

I answered with, "Thanks. I'm feeling much better now." And abruptly ended the conversation and started talking to somebody else.