Interesting Text Exchange

[shimmerz]

I think I'd rather he just fire me as a client.

Isn't that you adding taking part in your own abandonment? Can you express what you need to understand this better and or desire (quit yourself?) in a way that isn't based on anger/rejection?

 

[scout86]

I don't know that I have a lot to add. I'd be in the FridayJones/shell/shimmerz camp. Actually, YOU sound angry. Of course, that's one of those things that's hard to read in this format. If you are, I'd be tempted to think that's a positive thing. Because it suggests that some part of you thinks you deserve to be able to feel anger. And maybe that part thinks it might actually be somewhere near safe to express that too. Which is pretty cool, when you think about it.

I know many of us have been taught to think that "getting mad" is a bad thing. It's really NOT a bad thing and one of the things we have to learn that that we have a right to our anger and a right to express it outwardly, instead of inwardly.

I think you ought to go on Fri, if only to chew him out for the mix up with the Dr.

Take care @desiderata310 !

 

[desiderata310]

Angry?
I honestly don't know.
I don't actually feel ANYTHING right now

 

[shimmerz]

Want to take a personal day? f*ckING GREAT. TAKE ONE.

What I don't appreciate is the manner in which you did any of this.

that leaves me feeling... pushed away, abandonded, and minimized.

Oh ...heh... and yeah... someone who apparently knows I have abandonment issues is doing something which would make ANYONE feel abandoned.

Jesus.

Don't want to overwhelm you Desi. I hear the word abandoned but hear a tone of anger..... The two could be flooding you which may be why you might not be able to identify the feeling (just a guess).

However, you can't fool the foolers. :blackeye: We know anger when we see it. We were programmed to. And you are allowed. :hug:
It isn't about that. It is figuring out how to best use that anger to get what you need without self destruction or imploding on yourself.

 

[desiderata310]

At this point? Sad.
I realized that his actions were purely punitive.
Oh, you still didn't go to the GP? then I'm going to withhold support.
I had to go back and look at the text to see that.
As someone here pointed out. I can't go back to the GP.

 

[Jane.l]

It's very easy to misinterpret things on txt - if I were going to send a response back I think it would be along the lines of - you sound very frustrated please can you explain why you are mad at me?

I really really know this is so hard but it's a conversation to have face to face. Your T shouldn't have started it on txt in the first place.

 

[shimmerz]

At this point? Sad.

Good! Thanks for the description. That helps.

I wonder if the video that Larksong posted would be a help to you Desi? It is in the 'Broken' thread. It may address how to frame up your communication with your T.

 

[desiderata310]

I watched it.
At this point, I understand his motives.
What he does not understand/does not wish to understand/thinks are invalid are my motives.
I refuse to go back to a GP and look like a junkie looking for medication.

I should have gone to a psychiatrist. I didn't know that. I do now. I believe I need his back up in this; I could be wrong. I'm a little more than hesitant to ask for anything else out of him at this point.

 

[Tinyflame]

It's very frustrating, dealing with trust, self-rejection, miscommunication, etc. To try to or have the capacity to see a larger perspective, 'remember'.

And to work very hard to keep everything glued together but to realize some things we just can't do (yet), at least not without help. For example, I can't go to the Dr, it's just not something I can manage.

Idk much, but speaking honestly together is about all I can think of. Ptsd is overwhelming, but it's also nice to be able to get to the point where it isn't overwhelming, to have an inclusive perspective that neither neglects one's own or others' needs, that can accept & give trust & be able to roll with life without so much fear & pain, or self-sabotage or abandoning before we are abandoned (which we probably often feel like we have been already & we deserve.)

 

[joeylittle]

I realized that his actions were purely punitive...As someone here pointed out. I can't go back to the GP.

I'm going to offer a different perspective here, because you are mind reading. You have no idea that his actions were punitive. You are interpreting that. The only way to know that is to ask him. Given everything you've shared about your therapist up til now, I doubt he was being punitive, though. I'm not there, it's just my opinion.

Also, it's not that you can't go back to the GP

I refuse to go back to a GP and look like a junkie looking for medication.

It's that you don't want to go back to the GP. You can. It's important to note the difference.

I don't want to minimize how upsetting this whole encounter has been for you. But I don't think it's going to help you to make too many assumptions here.

I don't think he kept great boundaries. But I also don't think he's trying to hurt you. You did get hurt. You are hurting, big time. Trying to guess at his motivations is just pouring salt in the wound, I think. Friday is not that far away. Can you try and compartmentalize this until then?

 

[desiderata310]

True.

I COULD go back to the GP but the GP made it clear he would not give me more medication and that the only reason he was giving me any at that time was because I was supposed to go see a psychiatrist the following week. It was a stop gap measure. So, yes, you are correct. I have free will and I can indeed go back and ask for something even though I know what the answer will be.

Actually, after reviewing what was said and the timing of it, I can say with a great deal of certainty that it was indeed punitive. He had initiated by texting me initially that he had been mad and then wasn't.

After I pointed out that I still had not been back to the GP he shot back that he was changing the parameters of our meeting.
In other words, he was pissed.

My therapist agreed last Friday to call the GP and then never followed through with contact. He gave me an update on Friday evening that he had still not made contact with the GP and indicated that he was still trying.
I responded that I was "sitting on my hands"
In other words, he knew as of Friday that I was still waiting on him to move on going to the GP.

I guess the correct reaction would have been to mind read at that point and gone to the GP without his support.

I've begun a different email where I point out the timing of things last week, the text message exchange and the opinions of ANON who was kind enough to point out that I should seek a psychiatrist for medication. In the email I ask if he has someone he would like to recommend and if not I would take steps to find one independently.

Yes, I am hurt.

I was actually in great need of today's session. I'm struggling and it wasn't because of my lack of sleep. And it wasn't because I wasn't practicing self care.
It's been a really TERRIBLE weekend with difficult triggers.

Am I compartmentalizing? The best I can right now. Then I vent it and go back to normal life. Which is why I keep coming back here.
Sorry folks.

 

[shimmerz]

Sorry folks.

Please don't be.