Intimacy Issues Since Being Diagnosed

[ScubaChick]

I wasn't sure quite how to put this out there as I am totally embarrassed about this but here it goes.

I have a fantastic boyfriend who loves me dearly even though I know that my PTSD has put him though hell over the past few months since my stroke. I've never been that "sexual" of a person (once a week keeps me happy) but have noticed since my stroke and being diagnosed with PTSD that sex is something that I just want nothing to do with. I'll go through spurts where I'll think "Oh! Yeah! Rawr!" and then when he initiates...nothing. I want nothing to do with him. We went from once every week or two to oh, about 2 times since I got out of the hospital.

I don't know if this is the stroke that's messed me up or the PTSD/depression or both.

Am I alone here? How do I "fix" this? Or is it just a matter of time/healing?

Thanks!!!

 

[Lucycat]

Don't be so hard on yourself ScubaChick. You are certainly not alone!

I think comparing with what 'used to be' or what some people term as normal only makes you feel as if you OUGHT to be at it. You really do not need that sort of pressure, even if it is only coming from within.

I know our love life has taken a downward spiral since I was diagnosed with C-PTSD, but I am convinced that it will get better in time. My husband has been very patient and understanding, and I hope your boyfriend will be too.

Good luck!

 

[Deleted member 5760]

ScubaChick,

You're not alone. And I'm embarrassed to talk about it too. It was a big problem in my last relationship. My ex partner would bring it up a lot - I just was not interested and I never used to be like that. I can't even really pinpoint at what point in time it 'changed', but it was an issue. I felt badly about it because when she would bring it up I'd feel attacked and it certainly didn't make me want it any more. The last time I slept with someone I totally freaked out afterwards (this person wanted a relationship and I basically did everything to drive her away - including arguing afterwards). I just couldnt handle the intimacy. I thought I could, but I was wrong. Still feel badly about that, but anyway, its done.

As for how to help - I can't say I have an answer on this one because it happens to me too. Maybe mention it with your therapist and let your boyfriend know you're having an issue with this and to please not take it personally. Maybe work on ways you can deal with it without feeling too forced and where you can maybe initiate it on your terms for a while if that is needed. It always made me feel guilty that my partner was basically 'going without' but if you are having problems with it try not to beat yourself up. Your problems are legitimiate and if your partner is aware of it he may exercise more patience - maybe even that will help.

Sorry I can't be of further help on this one.