Undiagnosed Introduction - tough week. csa.

[Stan]

Hi folks,

Tough week. I'm a 45 year old man. In the last week I've started having flashbacks and recalling horrific childhood sexual abuse from when I was seven to eight years old.

There is a plus side. I now understand why the world has felt so terrifying and confusing as far back as I can remember. I've been hyper-vigilant, wound as tight as a drum for so many years, it's a miracle I'm still alive at all.

I've a good support network and people who love me. I have a daughter and a loving partner. I've had chronic fatigue for years now and have been unable to work for over a year, so I am in desperate poverty. I have had tears welling in my eyes and Rolling down my cheeks for a year, but with no thoughts connected to them, no emotions connected to them. Now I cry connected with my emotions.

I am hopeful. I have been hanging onto a quote which I will badly paraphrase here: to be truly radical is to make hope possible, rather than despair convincing. Best of, to every one.

 

[Pjj]

. Now I cry connected with my emotions
Your story is very similar to mine raped from the age of 5-10 (I hate thee term sexual abuse),toss in political violence, overseas deployments, wife with brain haemorrhages and a step-daughter who died of cancer and now being denied access to my workplace due to me complaining of being sexually harassed and you have the story. I went through two years of feeling like crying, cup full then overflowing and all of that but having a good psych in my corner, the right meds and beginning to make connections and distinguishing between the PTSD and what is my personality has helped. Hang in there!

 

[Friday]

Brilliant quote! Welcome to the community :)

 

[ladee]

Sorry for what has brought you here, but glad you are here. Hope you find the community to be healing and supportive, and most importantly, to find out you are not alone. We understand.
Hope to see you around, this is a huge site, lots to read, to learn about , and new friends to make... Welcome.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes that is a beautiful quote.

I now understand why the world has felt so terrifying.. as far back as I can remember. I've been hyper-vigilant, wound as tight as a drum for so many years, it's a miracle I'm still alive at all.

Me also.

Welcome to you and much peace and support.