Other Intrusive thoughts

[apoxia_1997x]

For context I have had an obsession with typology (MBTI, enneagram) since the age of 13 (because of identity problems), I'm 19 years old now and I still certainly haven't grew out of it.

Lately it has been getting really bad, I have been having recurring unpleasant thoughts and memories of people on the internet in general (especially Discord, Personality Cafe and Personality Database) typing me as something I didn't like as it really f*cking contradicted how I'd rather be, I have a habit of taking MBTI tests on a whim whenever casually browsing the internet if I get [insert desirable ego-positive results] I feel reassured but if I get [insert undesirable ego-negative results] I feel awful. The unpleasant feelings triggered by the latter are so overwhelming I vent to forums (losing my logical faculties because I was that disturbed) only to later regret it (and really cringe at it and really feel uncomfortable) once I have been reassured.

It's pretty much every day now that I rarely feel even remotely confident in myself, the flashbacks the obsessive behaviours the rumination sometimes it gets so bad so unpleasant so negative it feels like the psychological equivalent of a migraine. It's interfering with my ability to do anything, enjoy anything, focus on anything, live life.

Whatever my psychologist/therapist claims about human behaviour/cognition/personality/etc as a whole often contradicts the common recurring statements about it I find on the internet, which does reassure me but only to a certain extent, I know I shouldn't believe everything I read on the internet but even still X opinion is not just one or two people I see it all over (yet someone with PhD's claims it's all BS).

I spoke with this person today, it was fairly reassuring but I want the reassurance to stick in my head I don't want to have any more repeated spirals of crippling self-doubt and agonising self-criticism and shame, especially not to the extent that I've had to put up with over the past few weeks. I got told to distract myself with hobbies, which is understandable and don't get me wrong I love my video games, books, nightwalks, etc but that is mostly outweighed by a really bad ongoing internet habit, the internet is good for many reasons but it can also be a bad thing (e.g. I already put prior the urge to take typology tests). I know I should believe what my psychologist says more than the internet would, but I use the internet so much I completely forget that I trusted what my psychologist said.

 

[Sideways]

I got told to distract myself with hobbies, which is understandable and don't get me wrong I love my video games, books, nightwalks, etc but that is mostly outweighed by a really bad ongoing internet habit, the internet is good for many reasons but it can also be a bad thing

What else have you done that can increase your self-esteem? The things you’ve listed are all solo activities - maybe trying out some new things that involve real people? Building relationships (especially around a common activity) can be great for self esteem. Volunteer based activities that are meaningful to you in particular.

Do you have strategies to manage your distress when you feel like leaning into this habit? For example: every time I want to check my latest personality test results, I will…

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

For context I have had an obsession with typology (MBTI, enneagram) since the age of 13 (because of identity problems), I'm 19 years old now and I still certainly haven't grew out of it. Lately it has been getting really bad, I have been having recurring unpleasant thoughts and memories of people on the internet in general (especially Discord, Personality Cafe and Personality Database) typing me as something I didn't like as it really f*cking contradicted how I'd rather be, I have a habit of taking MBTI tests on a whim whenever casually browsing the internet if I get [insert desirable ego-positive results] I feel reassured but if I get [insert undesirable ego-negative results] I feel awful. The unpleasant feelings triggered by the latter are so overwhelming I vent to forums (losing my logical faculties because I was that disturbed) only to later regret it (and really cringe at it and really feel uncomfortable) once I have been reassured.
It's pretty much every day now that I rarely feel even remotely confident in myself, the flashbacks the obsessive behaviours the rumination sometimes it gets so bad so unpleasant so negative it feels like the psychological equivalent of a migraine. It's interfering with my ability to do anything, enjoy anything, focus on anything, live life.
Whatever my psychologist/therapist claims about human behaviour/cognition/personality/etc as a whole often contradicts the common recurring statements about it I find on the internet, which does reassure me but only to a certain extent, I know I shouldn't believe everything I read on the internet but even still X opinion is not just one or two people I see it all over (yet someone with PhD's claims it's all BS).
I spoke with this person today, it was fairly reassuring but I want the reassurance to stick in my head I don't want to have any more repeated spirals of crippling self-doubt and agonising self-criticism and shame, especially not to the extent that I've had to put up with over the past few weeks. I got told to distract myself with hobbies, which is understandable and don't get me wrong I love my video games, books, nightwalks, etc but that is mostly outweighed by a really bad ongoing internet habit, the internet is good for many reasons but it can also be a bad thing (e.g. I already put prior the urge to take typology tests). I know I should believe what my psychologist says more than the internet would, but I use the internet so much I completely forget that I trusted what my psychologist said.

Welcome to the Forum! I am sorry for the need but glad you found it!
I struggle with intrusive thoughts and have learned that “thought stopping’ is my best tool, along with wearing earphones and listening to music or motivational speakers.
When I get a thought that I know is going to lead me down a well-known sad rabbit hold, I literally say “no, no,no” and intentionally thing of something good. When it comes back I do it again.

For me, it feels like a ping-pong game but the balls are thoughts, and I have one paddle and there are at least 3 ‘players’ on the other side and they have multiple balls to lob at me. It is exhausting but the fight is worth it.

I also spend way too much time on the internet which is a big invitation for negativity. It can trigger my anxiety and depression, so I figure it’s a bit like drinking poison every day and not expecting my brain to die at some point.

What we think about the most is what we will keep getting. This is from my own LONG experience with CPTSD. Change has come for me when the motivation is pain or misery. You have to want change more than anything else.

Being younger gives you so much to look forward to! I’m 68 and have been dealing with all of this almost all of my life.

The fact that you are here, wanting to find different ways to live is a sign of growth and a desire to change.

Having a therapist to help you navigate your healing can speed things up and give you better chances of having a fuller and more fulfilling life. It IS possible!.

Reaching out for help is THE most important thing.
Blessings to your journey forward!
AKJ

 

[arfie]

Whatever my psychologist/therapist claims about human behaviour/cognition/personality/etc as a whole often contradicts the common recurring statements about it I find on the internet

this was true long before the information overload we call, "the internet." i started my recovery way back when people were still smarter than phones and still managed to confuse myself beyond all logic with the humble material available in print, network television and radio broadcasts. my recovery was not able to progress until i stopped consuming expert opinions like potato chips. experts are famous for disagreeing with one another. theory hopping is a guarantee of further psychosis. it can get even meaner than mixing catholics and protestants. i had to pick a theory set and make it work.

 

[Friday]

So you have almost zero self confidence and need outside sources (internet, therapists, etc.) to “approve” of who you wish to be, or fear to be, to “feel” real?

IMO/IME? f*ck ALL of that.

Go be you, being you, for awhile. Decide for yourself who/what/how/why you think/believe/feel/act. And then? Go do it some more.