Iraq Vet Usmc

[MikeD]

My name is mike, and i am an iraq war vet diagnosed with ptsd and depression, and suicidal thoughts. i am married and have a 3 year old son. My wife f*cking hates me, and my son is scared of me. My wife really does not need me, and she tells me everyday. for instance, today it was "everything about me is negative", and that shit gets to me really bad. i am really close to f*cking ending it, and i am starting not to care about my son. my wife is doing a really good job of killing me inside with her comments about me being a murder, and that i am going to hell. f*ck god. since coming home i am completly lost and dependant on pills given to me by the va. which are a constant reminder of my trauma. I have failed as a father and husband, and can really not take it anymore. the va tells me think of your son blah blah blah. f*ck this life already.....obviously I am a burden to everyone and i am fresh out of ideas. I really wish my family would love me and understand but they do not. f*ck it already.

 

[Jimmy1]

Welcome to our dysfunctional family. Mate I know saying 'I know what your going through' does not help, but honestly, a lot of us on here do. I returned from Iraq and my wife decided she could not cope with it and left with the kids. Its hard to deal with losing your family, your career and basically losing your mind, but it does get better in the long run.

Even if you just read through some of the posts it will help you realise you are not alone.

I pushed the rest of my family and my kids away and its taken me 4 years to just start mending bridges. The main thing that you have to get them to understand is what PTSD is. My brother made comments like, 'Everyone gets depression', the f*cking arsehole, I don't talk to him much, but one day if he wants to know, I will tell him.

The biggest problem your wife is probably going through is that you left a loving husband and returned a stranger. She hates the stranger, not you. Hope that makes sense. I don't blame my ex-wife. She married someone else, and although its 'Till Death Do You Part', how are they meant to deal with it. Same goes with your boy.
My son hates the military for not diagnosing me in 2002.

Mike, there are a shit load of marines on this site and everyone else is a veteran. We are here for you buddy if you need the help.

Jimmy

 

[Zipperhead]

My kid is seven. He's most likely the only reason I am still here. He was 3 when I did my last rotation. When I got home, my wife told me she didn't want to here about it. 40 stitchs, shrapnel coming to the surface at odd hours of the day and she didn't care. Everything she has done since has been another nail in my coffin. I let it go so long now that I don't think I can make the journey back to where we started. But I am getting help now. I realise that allot of the bad words were defensive on her side, and that when the "Beast" starts talking I'm not an angel. I don't know if I can save our marriage, but my kid keeps me focused. He is my hope.

Did your wife actually call you a murderer, or is that how she makes you feel? There is a differance. If she called you that, maybe it's time to examine weither she was right for you to begin with. My wife knows about my score card. She doesn't know the details (remember, she didn't want to know) but she has never judged me for doing my job. She hates the military though, and forced my hand to get out. She often makes me feel that she would be better off without me. But she has never said "I'd be better off without you." She makes me feel like it's all my fault, but she has never said "it's all your fault."

Maybe your wife still loves you, and is trying to get a response. Negitive emotion being better than no emotion for her right now. Or maybe your right. There are women out there that do not deserve the title "wife." What ever your reality is, think about it before you pull pin. Maybe you just need to vent off the steam before you can be honest with yourself. I know it took awhile for me to see reality. It took allot of posts and a few visits to my therapist before I thought I even had a small chance to save my marriage. Even now, I still don't know if it can be saved. But at least I'm in a place now where I can see it's not all her fault. Get to that place, then decide.

If she did call you a murderer, sue for devorce on grounds of mental cruelty. And don't let her near your kid ever again.

Al

 

[Fargo1]

Mike,

Brother I am there with you. I destroyed a marriage (with a son who is now 12 whom I never see) and I am trying to salvage my third relationship since then. This is some evil, ugly shit and it is definitely not for those without intestinal fortitude.

I say to you that you are not a failure. You have not failed your son. You are not failed your wife. You are going through some tough shit man. Failure is when you give up. Don't do it. You are a f*cking Marine. You have fallen down. Now you have to get back up. Maybe you can do it yourself. If not, we are here to chat, listen to your vents and rants. That is a bare minimum. Realizing that you have a problem, and seeking help for it is the first step.

Stick in there man.

Fargo

 

[reddevil1111]

Mike,

First off, Semper Sigh Bro!
Secondly, My wife loves me a lot. But she has days where she wants me dead and even says so. She can be loving and mean and hurtful. She is responding in her own way to my PTSD I think. I can't help you out with the family issues, thats your thing to figure out. Just know this, most PTSD relationships dont work out unless the spouse understands the reasons for PTSD and the signs of the stress. There is a video on this site that I would get her to sit down and watch. It wont explain everything, but it might get her to understand why you are acting the way you are.
She could be acting the way she is out of love. I know its twisted, but maybe she is thinking if she gets you worked up you might snap out of the depression.
Depression and suicide are common for all of us in here. Its a demon you have to learn how to fight. You dont get up every day for others, you need to get up everyday for yourself. You are in a different mode of combat now. Its an internal war you need to fight. It will make you stronger and smarter if you can take the challange and fight back. It is how I have survived so far.
It is possable to go long term without treatment, I managed over 20 years. Now that I have admitted that I have this problem, its gotten worse but also better. I have started to understand my past both in my behavior and decisions. In talking to others in here and reading what they write, I can see the same problems in myself.

This is not easy but nothing worth it ever is. This is like your third day in boot.your tired, sick of being yelled at and run everywhere...your head hurts from being shorn and your questioning what the hell were you thinking joining the corps? Just fast forward to the last day of boot. Not marching on the parade deck, but the part when your declared a Marine. Thats the moment you realize it was worth it and you made it. This is no different. You need to see that there is a lot of hard work and pain coming. But if you work hard, keep focused and give all the effort you can, You can work through this and even though you might not ever get it to go away, you can beat the beast and live a good life. Keep up the medication, talk to a therapist as much as you can. Solve the problem in your own way but understand you are strong and able. You just need to want to. And I think you do or you wouldnt have come here.

By the way? Welcome and Its nice to have you in here. Feel free to post questions, put up a rant....whatever you need to do. we are all here supporting each other. And I am glad your here!

 

[K-9 Al]

Welcome! This is a great site. Write what you want, vent away, bitch, moan and complain. We are here to listen and help with no stigma and no judging. One thing i take comfort in is everyone is in teh same boat here. Doesnt matter what branch, what country, what military job. We are all fighting THE BEAST.