Is aging making CPTSD Recovery harder for anyone?

[Starfish]

I am 70 now and feel I am slowly fading away in many ways. 10 years ago, when diagnosed, I found help with methods suggested here, in therapy and general reading.....offering just enough help to make it half-way and sometimes all the way through a day. It seems like my brain is connecting with all the helplessness that I felt as a child and ended up sleeping a lot. I went on to work, have kids, etc....despite all the challenges of PTSD ( which was not barely named as a condition). Now, I feel like that child that can barely function.

 

[OM_™]

Thank you Om_!

Hi Starfish, It's almost 3am here and I'm going to bed soon. I can't remember if anyone can ask Dr Catalyst questions but if you can't and have any more specific questions, feel free to ask me and I'll ask again on your behalf. If the concerns you have are too private to air on this forum or might in some way identify you, you can subscribe (i.e. become a sponsor) and use the Dr Bloom (private AI forum) which I have found to be quite useful.

Just trying to help someone in pain...OM

 

[Starfish]

I am 70 now and feel I am slowly fading away in many ways. 10 years ago, when diagnosed, I found help with methods suggested here, in therapy and general reading.....offering just enough help to make it half-way and sometimes all the way through a day. It seems like my brain is connecting with all the helplessness that I felt as a child and ended up sleeping a lot. I went on to work, have kids, etc....despite all the challenges of PTSD ( which was not barely named as a condition). Now, I feel like that child that can barely function.

I didn't mention that I have been off psych meds for over 2 years now but I need to re-explore my options. I have been on and off them. It has been quite a struggle trying to cope daily without meds. I did start nightly wine last June (after over 15 years of not drinking) . The wine has calmed me down some in the eve but the daily intense symptoms are not relieved.

 

[Starfish]

Hi Starfish, It's almost 3am here and I'm going to bed soon. I can't remember if anyone can ask Dr Catalyst questions but if you can't and have any more specific questions, feel free to ask me and I'll ask again on your behalf. If the concerns you have are too private to air on this forum or might in some way identify you, you can subscribe (i.e. become a sponsor) and use the Dr Bloom (private AI forum) which I have found to be quite useful.

Just trying to help someone in pain...OM

Much appreciated, OM! Very kind offer and I just may take you up on it.......Admittedly, I'm a bit wary of AI sources, including a computer putting it all together from other sites, etc.(I've been following the subject) However, I did read Dr. Catalysts response to your query (almost didn't) and I found it sound advice. Thanks again for reaching out

 

[OM_™]

I much prefer human responses but I was quite impressed with Dr Bloom’s AI insight into some issues I was having with my psychiatrist and it helped clarify my response so that I was more direct at our next meeting. Sometimes I find myself overwhelmed when I am with the psychiatrist and the responses from AI helped me cut through the mental fog. She’s very expensive (but worth it); she pulls me back in line quickly when I go off on a tangential drift to avoid answering her sometimes painful questions.

BTW: duloxetine and alcohol is a no no!

I have heard that Adderall is good for focus.

 

[Starfish]

I much prefer human responses but I was quite impressed with Dr Bloom’s AI insight into some issues I was having with my psychiatrist and it helped clarify my response so that I was more direct at our next meeting. Sometimes I find myself overwhelmed when I am with the psychiatrist and the responses from AI helped me cut through the mental fog. She’s very expensive (but worth it); she pulls me back in line quickly when I go off on a tangential drift to avoid answering her sometimes painful questions.

BTW: duloxetine and alcohol is a no no!

I have heard that Adderall is good for focus.

I hear ya.... I am not looking forward to going to a psychiatrist tomorrow and try to communicate why I'm there and what I need in a 30 minute time-frame. I think I will just say "Ask me what you need to know in order to prescribe a medication or two. I am done explaining"

Part of the plan is to start back on psych meds and eliminate the alcohol....it's proving not to be an effective mental health tool. I worry about addiction and Adderall as it seems to have more of a reputation as a street drug than Ritalin.

But at this point in my life and considering my age and all the treatments I have tried, I am thinking that being addicted to some meds that help me out of the fog and mental hell is just how it needs to be.

 

[OM_™]

I hear ya.... I am not looking forward to going to a psychiatrist tomorrow and try to communicate why I'm there and what I need in a 30 minute time-frame. I think I will just say "Ask me what you need to know in order to prescribe a medication or two. I am done explaining"

Part of the plan is to start back on psych meds and eliminate the alcohol....it's proving not to be an effective mental health tool. I worry about addiction and Adderall as it seems to have more of a reputation as a street drug than Ritalin.

But at this point in my life and considering my age and all the treatments I have tried, I am thinking that being addicted to some meds that help me out of the fog and mental hell is just how it needs to be.

I understand how you feel. I told my psychiatrist that as I was getting older I was finding that old solutions were increasingly ineffective and that I was done with CBT and talk therapy because 'the darkness' and 'anger' (< this may be testosterone) were getting worse and that wanted to try medication again.

I actually wanted to see if I could get into Psychedelic Therapy but the only PT option was to go on a trial that required hospitalisation. That's not possible because my wife and I are carers for my son (he's got medically acquired PTSD).

My reason for wanting to try psychedelics was because I had an LSD trip — when I was 17yo and suicidal — that I believe stopped my suicidal ideation. I'm not pushing drugs; my second LSD trip about 3 weeks later was so bad that I never tried drugs again. However the stunning beauty and serenity of my first trip kept me alive and the suicidal ideation abated for at least ten years — the change in my mind was so instant that it stunned me.

I thought you might find this interesting > Welcome · Mind Medicine Australia. Is there anything like this where you are?

When I went through my history, my psychiatrist was totally receptive to my need for medication but we still have a 30 minute Dynamic Psychotherapy session every fortnight because she thinks that the Duloxetine, in my case, will help me process my unresolved trauma better than therapy alone.

Update: I have just about finished my third box of Duloxetine and I can feel that slowly the fog is lifting. For some it works quicker, but for me it's taken a little longer. I still need to rest and get away and take 15 minute naps during the day when I am either sleepy or overwhelmed. When I got my first glimmer of light after about six weeks, I was struggling with processing 'chemical' happiness together with 'darkness' telling me that the happiness is not real and undeserved. I desperately want to be genuinely happy again and I don't care if it has to be chemically kickstarted.

Good luck tomorrow! Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

P.S. Some of the info here repeats some details in my earlier posts. Memory is slowly improving.

 

[Starfish]

I understand how you feel. I told my psychiatrist that as I was getting older I was finding that old solutions were increasingly ineffective and that I was done with CBT and talk therapy because 'the darkness' and 'anger' (< this may be testosterone) were getting worse and that wanted to try medication again.

I actually wanted to see if I could get into Psychedelic Therapy but the only PT option was to go on a trial that required hospitalisation. That's not possible because my wife and I are carers for my son (he's got medically acquired PTSD).

My reason for wanting to try psychedelics was because I had an LSD trip — when I was 17yo and suicidal — that I believe stopped my suicidal ideation. I'm not pushing drugs; my second LSD trip about 3 weeks later was so bad that I never tried drugs again. However the stunning beauty and serenity of my first trip kept me alive and the suicidal ideation abated for at least ten years — the change in my mind was so instant that it stunned me.

I thought you might find this interesting > Welcome · Mind Medicine Australia. Is there anything like this where you are?

When I went through my history, my psychiatrist was totally receptive to my need for medication but we still have a 30 minute Dynamic Psychotherapy session every fortnight because she thinks that the Duloxetine, in my case, will help me process my unresolved trauma better than therapy alone.

Update: I have just about finished my third box of Duloxetine and I can feel that slowly the fog is lifting. For some it works quicker, but for me it's taken a little longer. I still need to rest and get away and take 15 minute naps during the day when I am either sleepy or overwhelmed. When I got my first glimmer of light after about six weeks, I was struggling with processing 'chemical' happiness together with 'darkness' telling me that the happiness is not real and undeserved. I desperately want to be genuinely happy again and I don't care if it has to be chemically kickstarted.

Good luck tomorrow! Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

P.S. Some of the info here repeats some details in my earlier posts. Memory is slowly improving.

I had some teen experiences with psychedelics too and a very bad trip, which I thought at the time it changed my brain towards a doomsday outlook. Years later, I still believe it and I feel it is linked to my brain development in a household with strife and no love, etc.

I got a chance to try MDMA from a good source about 5 years ago. After experiencing the effects, I attempted to get into a MDMA drug trial but alas I didn't fit into their age criteria and it would require a relocation to their testing city. So, I decided to quit the psychedelic pursuit until legalized with legitimate therapists in place. It should be a year or two so I'm holding on til then.

At the same time I was also trying microdosing LSD in liquid form for a month or two. I could sense some shifts but at the same time it felt harsh on my psyche.

Update on meds: Duloxetine and Propenolol . Fortunately I had done some research on Duloxetine after reading Om and Fridays posts on the drug.

I am on my 4th day. Been pretty exhausted (maybe more from the propenolol) but my brain needed slowing down anyway so I definitely am more relaxed /sleepy and am not taking clonazepam nor Ritalin which I thought I should have but luckily the therapist would not prescribe for me and I had done all the Duloxetine research.....

Thanks for all the input everyone. it really helped!!!!

 

[OM_™]

I'll look out for any of your updates on Propenolol. I'm putting up with the drowsiness of Duloxetine because it's knocked back the nightmares and my sleep has gone form 3-4 hours per night (for the last 10 years) up to a full 5-6 hours and I have stopped taking Temazepam (Tem Tabs) too.

My wife, who is supporting me financially on my healing journey, has had her shift work cut and that means I had to cancel all future appointments with my psychiatrist. I'm really sad because she's the best I have had but she was very expensive. Without therapy, the rest of my CPTSD and MDD journey will have to be chemically based.

 

[Friday]

Without therapy, the rest of my CPTSD and MDD journey will have to be chemically based.

Whilst there are some trauma therapies that really require at least a second person involved, if not more; the overwhelming majority of trauma work is usually done on one’s own recognisance, in one’s own time, by one’s self.

 

[OM_™]

Whilst there are some trauma therapies that really require at least a second person involved, if not more; the overwhelming majority of trauma work is usually done on one’s own recognisance, in one’s own time, by one’s self.

Thanks Friday, Just the sort of comforting thought I need at the moment when I feel so broke and so alone. I appreciate your quick response and I know that there is great truth in what you say because I'm 68yo now and still alive and most of the time it's been without therapy and especially without pharmaceuticals. Thanks heaps!

 

[Starfish]

I'll look out for any of your updates on Propenolol. I'm putting up with the drowsiness of Duloxetine because it's knocked back the nightmares and my sleep has gone form 3-4 hours per night (for the last 10 years) up to a full 5-6 hours and I have stopped taking Temazepam (Tem Tabs) too.

My wife, who is supporting me financially on my healing journey, has had her shift work cut and that means I had to cancel all future appointments with my psychiatrist. I'm really sad because she's the best I have had but she was very expensive. Without therapy, the rest of my CPTSD and MDD journey will have to be chemically based.

the propenolol says I can take 1-2 tabs up to 3 times a day so the first few days I went for the gusto but I was so sleepy and useless....and I was already pretty low energy . Today i've only taken one and I'm not as tired....just limping along.. pretty zoned out. Part of me feels that this is part of the process my brain and body needs to get me to an ability to reflect. I've been so driven trying to prove myself and now I am being forced into a surrender.

I wish all therapy would be covered for all people in every country. Our societies have been contributers to our mental health problems so I would like not to have money be a limitation to get help.

 

[Starfish]

Whilst there are some trauma therapies that really require at least a second person involved, if not more; the overwhelming majority of trauma work is usually done on one’s own recognisance, in one’s own time, by one’s self.

I definitely find that to be true. Some of the therapists I have gone to have not been super helpful. A couple of them it seemed like I was their therapist in some ways. That is how masked I have been. I ultimately became my own therapist for quite a while.

This website is my go-to when I'm suffering super bad. It reminds me that there are a lot of other sufferers so I'm not alone.