Is Fighting Harmful To Recovery?

[NarcSis]

Okay, so I've been trying to deal with an odd and confusing situation here, my workers comp benefits are being slowly weaned over 12 weeks. My T is telling me that what is happening is happening, on the other hand to this is me, who is telling me to keep fighting, keep up for the priniciple of the matter, call my lawyer, call anyone, call my politicians...

Now I've read post trauma guides that discuss the issue of "stop fighting". I need opinions, is it better for one to just stop fighting the 'perceived' injustices that occur during your healing journey and solely focus on yourself, no matter what the consequences or am I misinterpreting this?

I stand to lose everything I own if I can't find another job in 12 weeks while my T will get full pay during this time.....I see a selfish twist to her advice here....am I seeing this wrong?

Am I causing more harm to myself psychologically by fighting a system that seems stacked against me?

Help. :unsure:

 

[Hashi]

This is such a good question, and one I've been struggling with.

I've just been made redundant, for invalid reasons, and I could have fought it but there would have been little victory even if I won because I'd then be working in an even worse situation, with the people I'd been fighting.

What I decided to do was pick my battles. I decided to fight over two terms of the redundancy arrangement, but not over the redundancy itself. That way, if I won it would be of clear benefit to me. I was advised against fighting even those two things, though - not by my T but by someone close who was worried about the effect on me and my mental health of putting myself through that. This made me doubt myself, when I could have done with support instead.

I'm not clear from what you say whether the issue for you is more practical or principle. Fighting for a principle is a tricky one. I think it can be damaging overall. Even if you ultimately won, there's a risk of it diverting and draining your energy, which could otherwise be focused on healing. I would suggest you do it only if it's very important to your healing to not feel victimised in the situation. Frustration, anger and a sense of injustice may not be enough to warrant giving so much of your energy to it otherwise.

In my situation, I had to let go of principles and the rights and wrongs of the situation - much as I hated to. It would have cost me more than I might have won. I needed to use my energy for healing, not give it to a fight with people who are basically dishonest and unethical, and would probably continue to be so in future whatever the outcome. Much better to extricate myself from them and their sorry lives, and focus on what would be good for me.

Fighting for something practical, which is related to your financial security, is different in my eyes. I think the advice I was given against doing that was well-meant but misplaced. I'm glad I fought over those two terms, because I got them and they're important to my financial situation. If I hadn't succeeded, at least I'd have tried. But I needed to clearly separate the principle from the practical.

 

[Lucycat]

Okay, so I've been trying to deal with an odd and confusing situation here, my workers comp benefits are being slowly weaned over 12 weeks.

Sorry, but I don't understand what this means? What do you mean by 'workers comp benefits'?

As for fighting for what is right, well it is probably different to your situation, but I chose to 'let go' to what I saw as a huge injustice at work. I felt I did not have the strength for the battle, even though my line manager at the time was telling me to pursue it.

Now, nearly 3 years down the line I wish I had fought. The situation got far worse, but I had no grounds for complaint having let the first incident go. The issue has finally resolved as the person about whom I should have complained has finally left and moved on. However it has taken a huge toll on me, and completely knocked my self esteem and self confidence, that I am constantly battling to recover.

 

[saffy]

I agree interesting question.
I thought that you have the right to fight for the right to have a good deal and find out what is going on. You sound like you have unanswered questions and unsolved issues with the work. If however you are disgruntled and fighting for the wrong reasons this is damaging, becasue in the end you loose focus of the point.
I agree you should really think about why you want to take it further, but the decision must be yours. I beleive that you feel that you are rolling over by doing nothing as suggested by your T and this is probably causing you conflict.
I think you have the right to get the answers and result you feel comfortable with, there must be room for negotiation with work. It will not do any harm to go and get advice about what you plan to do and find out if you have any rights on this or is it working policy, in which case there must be another option to go with so you are not out of pocket.

I hope that helps a bit.

Best wishes
Saffy

 

[Zef]

Struggling with this right now. Sometimes it seems that fighting is all I know how to do. Both when my brain is relatively healthy and when I'm symptomatic, my brain is telling me that I need to leave my job and find something healthier to do.

But, I really don't know how to stop fighting to stay here. I've been here for 13 years, creating a nice, little profitable world for myself and my staff. . .basically by fighting anything that got in our way.

I think we each have our own unique relationships with our fight/flight instincts that are very difficult to change. I don't think we can give advice on what would be healthiest for others to do, I think we have to try to reason out ourselves whether a fight response is the right one in a particular situation.

 

[maddog]

I think Hashi and Zef give some excellent thoughts here. I think one of the hardest parts about such a decision is separating out what we think we "should" do from what we feel we are best to do, in respect of our own best interests. For those of us who have always, for various reasons, conformed to the expectations of ourselves and/or others about what is right to do, it can be very very difficult to stop and try to take notice of how we feel or what our personal instincts are telling us about what is best for us. To do so can feel like failure, or being weak, particularly if those best interests are suggesting we walk away from a fight we would ordinarily fight on principle.

For this reason, the decisions we make about such issues can be very different over time, or, in the case of PTSD, depending on where we are at in our healing.

Ironically, I am facing very very similar dilemmas on a couple of fronts right now. The simplest to explain involves a case of discrimination being committed against me by my local gym.

On principle, and according to what I would always have done, it's a battle to be fought to the end. But currently I am struggling to function well at all, and for various reasons, the gym battle includes aspects which are deeply triggering and distressing for me. The stress of the battle is close to unbearable, and each day I am working hard to re-evaluate whether it is in my personal best interests to continue to fight, or if it is perhaps doing me more harm than good.

Is every sword worth dying on? What do I stand to gain, and what do I stand to lose? Will victory, even if it is achieved, cost me more than it will grant me?

These are some of the questions to ask, and they aren't easy. Actually, they're bloody hard, and hard to make alone.

The advice and input of trusted people can help at times, but only within reason, as only you can know what is driving you right now and what you are prepared to risk and possibly lose.

I wish you the best with this. It's unfair and so hard to have to face this at such a time.

Maddog

 

[Whitneys story]

Medic72, I am assuming this means you are only eligible for 12 weeks of compensation. Also assuming your T or MD is releasing you to return to work.

The sad part is the system requires reports from those inside this system to prove you are not ready. Is your T trained in PTSD? Qualified to diagnose your level and progression since the day and forward of your trauma.

Have you been able to write the pro and con of fighting or not? Breaking it down may give you some direction. Only you can make the final decision. Huge Hugs, Whitney